We had a super fabulous New Years, but things have gotten progressively worse. I can't even tell you how bad it was the last couple of days, but the low point was Saturday night when I fled our home in sub-zero temps with no coat or shoes, and was lucky to even have car keys to flee with. FH has changed and not for the better. I think he's taking drugs because I've seen this peculiar look in him before...pale, pale skin and tiny little pupils. I don't know if it's drunk or drugs, but something was quite wrong.
He picked a fight with me Saturday. He had lied about hockey the day before, thereby screwing up our plan to have a financial summit and get our bills in order. So, I left Saturday to go out of state to see my mom who is still in the hospital. I didn't think it was a big deal because FH was supposed to be away at hockey all morning with a brief stopover at the house before going away again in the afternoon...so I just drove off to see my mom. I didn't leave a note or anything, figuring I'd be back in the afternoon...and if he came home before then and needed/wondered where I was, he'd just call. But he never did. I talked to him when I was getting ready to leave the hospital and he was completely mad that I hadn't told him I'd gone...but I had figured he'd be at hockey all day so I didn't think I had to call. Anyways, he was very angry so I said I don't need your drama now and hung up. He called back a zillion times (to fight with me while I was driving of course) so I didnt' answer. Finally, after a bunch of calls and texts, I got a text that said to call his number. So he wanted to fight more, even though I said, you're right I'm wrong, blah blah blah. I said we could just discuss it later because I was very tired...and he didn't even ask about my mom.
So I got home and a fight to end all fights erupted. It was quite ugly and terrible. I wont go into details, but I wound up leaving home in my socks w/no coat. I've never been so scared in all my life. Something was terribly terribly wrong with him.
He wound up forcing me to come home through various promises, amid threats to toss my stuff to the curb or destroy it all. I remained calm and tried to keep talking him down because I had no where else to go...he had kept my key to my place and my truck so there's no safe place to go from him here.
At home we talked and he was calmer but still looked odd. He managed to get me to go sleep in our bed and he immediately fell asleep there too. I was exhausted and fell asleep.
So things are now where he wants to go to counseling and try to fix things. He is supposedly incredibly embarassed by his behavior. I'm plaing along like everything is fine, but I am leaving him. I'm going to see if my dad can loan me money to buyout the rest of my lease so I can move where FH doesn't know where I am...and I'm having the movers come when he's not home to give me an estimate. I'm getting the ball rolling now because I can't take anymore.
I love him but what happened is unforgivable especially after all I've done for him and his kids...I mean, he even had to throw that in there that if I tried leaving he'd accuse me of doing something to his son...that's the thanks I get for all I've done...cooking, cleaning, caring...all for nothing. He claims he said it in a moment of anger and that he'd never do anything like that, but I've seen his real personality now and it sucks.
I'm planning my escape, so this is the end for me.