Serves me right for being all zen-like
I've been working really hard on not letting BM into my life and my head, and it has been working well... but now she's gone and done it again!
We took SS10 to his grandparents last weekend, and dropped him back to BM's Monday evening. When OH took him in she asked if we could have him Saturday night as she was going out and "this shouldn't be a problem as I'm having him the whole of the following weekend"
WTF????
She swears she mentioned months ago to OH that she wanted him the last weekend of the month to go visit her family, even though it's his weekend, and OH has no recollection of this.
Anyway, he didn't give her an answer, said he'd have to check if we had anything planned (excellent progress) and we discussed it further on the way home. At the time I didn't think we had anything for next weekend so suggested we take him for the whole weekend so he doesn't miss out on time with SS10.
Yesterday however we got an invite to a birthday meal with a friend on Saturday night - I texted OH to ask if he'd replied to BM, which he hadn't. Later on I try to discuss what we want to do, and he just won't. In the end I RSVP yes for myself to the meal, and figure I'll leave him to deal with BM.
So, what's got me wound up:
- BM tries to take some of his time away, and has the nerve to try & sell it as a favour!
- Yet again she expects us to fall in with her plans, without consultation or even asking
- OH is trying to avoid conflict, and so is doing nothing, won't make a decision, won't even discuss (and if we're not going to have SS10 on Saturday night then BM deserves as much notice as possible to find another sitter)
So, do I continue with my disengagement - go out Saturday night whatever with my friend, or force OH into discussing it?
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I've been working really
I've been working really hard on not letting BM into my life and my head, and it has been working well... but now she's gone and done it again!
-----------> Storm, I really think it's OH who is the main source of this b/c he won't make a decision. When BF isn't responding/reacting the way that *I* think he should, I also get upset with anyone who is related to it (BM or skids), when in reality, noone else has a thing to do with how *he* reacts or responds to situations that involve them. But I always find a reason to be upset with them as well, b/c it's easier to blame them than it is for me to blame BF.
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"Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments, they've had the same argument hundreds of times."
You're right (as ever)
You're right (as ever) Middlemom. Because I'm invested in OH I don't want to put all the blame onto him, so it's easy to make BM the monster. It's often OH's way of dealing or not dealing with issues that gets me wound up - he so hates conflict that if possible he will acquiese to whatever is demanded of him.
I might bring it up again this evening, explaining why I'm upset (hopefully in a calm way) but leave him to suggest the way forward, because I know he'll just agree to anything I suggest, again to avoid conflict!
"God never gives us more than we can cope with, I just wish he didn't have such faith in me!"
Go out! I imagine that if
Go out! I imagine that if he doesn't discuss it with you beforehand, he will after the fact. So tough cookies for him.
I think I will go out
I think I will go out whatever - this friend is more mine than his to start with & I never agreed to always stay in with him the weekends we have SS, it's just that's what I've normally done.
"God never gives us more than we can cope with, I just wish he didn't have such faith in me!"