It went about how I expected.

The school's behavioral health therapist doesn't think YSS has autism or ADD. What they DID discover is that he was angry, felt like everyone compared him to OSS, and was "overwhelmed" by school work.

I agree on the anger part. That's nothing new, and DH has a pretty intense temper, so he has tried working with YSS in the past on staying calm.

I agree on the everyone comparing him part, or rather, expecting him to be like his brother in success and temperament. I have had many chats with DH and OSS recently about this. DH needs to spend more time with YSS alone doing things YSS wants to do versus things DH or OSS want/like to do. OSS needs to let his brother speak for himself. I have been getting on OSS that when I ask YSS a question, I want YSS to answer. This particular issue has been going on for years where OSS has done everything for YSS at BM and GBM's demanding. I think YSS used to like it, but now that he wants out of his brother's shadow, he's tired of it.

The overwhelmed part...hmm. YSS was pulled from band due to grades. He was happy with this, and his grades and work ethic have outwardly improved. However, when we asked why he liked being out of band, he said that during that hour he gets to play games with his friends. Yep, kids not in a music program get basically a recess, and all of YSS's friends are not in a music program. Additionally, if you ask YSS about group work at school, he'll tell you that he sits back quietly while others do it. He still isn't keeping up with what his teachers are teaching but still refuses to ask for help. But he's passing well enough and has improved, so no one pushes the issue.

I am struggling with that last part because BM has said since they "made these changes" at school, he is better at home, no tantrums (which we haven't seen in two years since DH and I both laid down the law and actually punished the kid for his actions), and he doesn't have to see the therapist anymore. After 2 months, YSS is cured of what ails him!

I call bull. He got into band because his brother is in band, but when he realized it would be work and he didn't have a knack for the instrument he chose (same as his brother, who picked it up quick), as well as all of his friends were in a class that they only play games, YSS went on a mission to get out of band. When classes got harder than he anticipated, he went on a mission to get out of the accelerated classes. He knows bombing the homework and class assignments will get him out of both, and the school handed him an out on a silver platter. Of course YSS is happy now!

I'm not saying I think my YSS is a bidding sociopath. I think he just likes being the big fish in a small pond. He doesn't like to have to do the work toward bettering himself; he wants everyone else to make accommodations to make it easier on him.- and they DO it! In elementary school, he HATED writing reading logs with questions because he didn't know how to answer so the teacher let him turn in ANYTHING so long as he wrote something. Yet, the next year when he was able to write whatever he wanted, he didn't know what to write and wanted prompts - so his teacher wrote him prompts!

Again, I believe he is struggling emotionally, but he's also going through puberty HARD. He has grown at least 6" in the last 4 months, his voice drops an octave everytime I see him, and DH had to teach him how to shave because he had a bad teen mustache. And he's going through this a year before most other boys do, which can't be fun. But why is everyone lowering their expectations of him?! He IS capable. He has shown he IS capable when given no other option. Maybe I'm just cold-hearted and don't see the pain he's going through, but this whole thing just screams manipulation.

Oh well. Now that I've gotten that out, onto disengaging from this. It's all clearly on autopilot now, and no one cares about my opinion or concerns on the matter, so I'll just sit back and continue to remind DH that no adult child is living with me.