SD's medical care YTD: 1 abscessed tooth, 3 silver caps, 2 kiddie root canals, 1 regular cavity, 3 more caps scheduled, 4 rounds of antibiotics, 1 double ear infection, 1 case of head lice, 2 bouts of the flu, 1 cough that lasted 3 months, 1 case of strep throat, 1 ADOS test, 1 visit with the child psychiatrist, 1 more psychiatrist appointment scheduled, 1 appointment with a physical therapist with recommendation for AFO braces, and god knows how many colds.
Ok, I'm still holding out hope that we can have a cohesive family unit. I'm not expecting the Brady Bunch but I am hoping we can avoid the point many of you are at where you hate your stepkids and don't have much to do with any of them.
But dear god sometimes it seems like I'm heading that way.
I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday. SD5 was supposed to go to BM's this weekend after having only seen her mother for a grand total of 1 hour in the last month. BM was supposed to have SD for all of spring break and weekend before last but didn't take her because she said she was working and would only see her for a few hours a day anyway. I'm not real sure what she thinks the experience of every working parent in America is but whatever. The bottom line is she just doesn't want any of the responsibility of parenting. SD had an appointment at the dentist for another silver cap or two yesterday and I kept asking DH if he had told BM about it because she doesn't like to take her after SD gets dental work done or any time she is sick because it involves actual parenting and BM doesn't want to deal with that.
I went to wake the kids up to get ready for school yesterday only to discover that SD5 had thrown up in the night. I mean regurgitated her entire dinner and then proceeded to lay in it all night. Seriously. She is borderline autistic and is developmentally delayed but seriously who the fuck lays in piles of vomit all night? She has no problems asking for help with things she doesn't need any help with (ie: opening the car door, tying her shoes, putting her shirt on, etc.) as a manipulation attempt but anything she actually needs help with she doesn't come find anybody, she just sits down and cries until someone finds her or, like Friday morning, lays in vomit all night until someone finds her.
So I had to call DH at work to see if he could run home and take DD9 to school because SD5 was actively vomiting and I didn't want to take her out of the house. He got home as I was literally scrubbing vomit out of SD's mattress and I just broke down and started sobbing. It has been just one thing after another with that kids this winter. She had head lice in early January. She got some kind of virus around that time too. She had a cough that lasted for three months. Had an ear infection. An abscessed tooth. Has had two kiddie root canals, three silver caps, and a cavity filled and is scheduled for three more silver caps in the next few weeks. She has been on two or three (it's all starting to blend together, I'm pretty sure it's three) round so of antibiotics. We have taken her to the child psychiatrist, made and had four appointments cancelled for the ADOS test (which we finally had done Thursday before last, we get the results Tuesday), we had kindergarten roundup Thursday night, swim lessons Tuesday, parent teacher conferences Tuesday and it just goes on and on and on. I took her to the doctor yesterday and she has strep throat which makes the fourth round of antibiotics so far this year which just seems absolutely crazy to me. I can't believe she gets sick this often. So naturally SD is at home this weekend because the doctor said it wasn't a good idea to send her on a 3 hour road trip to be with her mother. BM is thrilled she doesn't have to do any actual parenting and I'm stuck taking care of her responsibilities again.
I just lost it. I'm scrubbing her vomit out of her mattress, 10 days ago I was scrubbing urine out of her mattress because she wet the bed. I finally just blew at him and said I was about to throw my hands up in the air and say not my kid, not my problem, you deal with it. That's not the family I want, that's not the kind of sm I want to be but god damnit, I can't take much more. I am not made to be a SAHM. It's just not me. I get lazy and depressed. It's not good for my mental health or the family as a whole. But here I am being a SAHM because he asked me to. Someone has to be available to pick SD up from preschool every day at 3 so during the school year I don't work. If it wasn't for that I would be working at least part time but here I am being a sAHM to a kid with special needs that we have yet to get any help with. I had tried to tell him for a year and a half that there was something wrong and we need help but he refused to listen. It wasn't until she started throwing hour long tantrums that he finally decided to consult the pediatrician. Everyone wanted to blame everything on BM and I flat out told him he let his hate for BM cloud his vision so he couldn't see what was staring him in the face and that I didn't create these problems and it was not fair for him to dump his problems in my lap and expect me to fix them without any help.
I think he got the message.
I don't know about anybody else but part of the problem with my DH is he is just so damn patient. Once of the strong points about our relationship is that we balance each other out. One of the things I am a little short on is patience and he is really REALLY long on that. However, it means he tends to put up with way more horseshit than he should. From the both the kids and family members, especially BM and his mom.
This translates to him not noticing there are problems. He thinks everything is normal until someone says "hey man, there is a problem here." Which I don't fully understand because he seems to instinctively know when I need a little extra attention from him or when something is bothering me but he can't seem to make that click with SD.
He got custody of SD coming up on 2 years ago. Shortly before he got custody, and before I had met SD for the first time, he told me BM had put SD in counseling at about 3 months past her third birthday. I asked him why on earth she put a 3 year old in counseling and he said according to BM it was because SD was "such a bad kid." I asked him if he had any problems with SD when she was with him and he said no, not at all. When I first met her I immediately noticed she was really immature for her age. By the time I got to know her better and we moved in together SD was about three months shy of turning 4 and at that time she could not open doors, she could not dress herself, could not so much as put on a pair of socks herself, was not potty trained, walked on the balls of her feet, we couldn't understand a large percentage of what she said, she couldn't sit still, would throw kicking screaming tantrums that could last anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour if we tried to discipline her or she didn't get her way. It was rough. I looked at him and said I asked you when BM put her in counseling if you had any problems with her at home and you told me no. What the fuck do you consider a problem? He admitted that around her second birthday she would sometimes just start screaming for no reason that he could figure out. Like they would be sitting down to dinner and he put her plate in front of her
and she would just start screaming.
Everybody wants to blame BM and say it was instability when she lived with BM that caused all this. Ummmm.....no it wasn't. It's a factor of course. Her environment didn't help, but that didn't cause all of this.
Ooh I never thought about changing her tooth brush. Thanks, I will be sure to do that.
SD is going to BM's this weekend so that's good. DH has to work this weekend but he is on vacation all next week so we will be doing all kinds of fun things while the kids are in school.
Comments
SD's medical care YTD: 1
SD's medical care YTD: 1 abscessed tooth, 3 silver caps, 2 kiddie root canals, 1 regular cavity, 3 more caps scheduled, 4 rounds of antibiotics, 1 double ear infection, 1 case of head lice, 2 bouts of the flu, 1 cough that lasted 3 months, 1 case of strep throat, 1 ADOS test, 1 visit with the child psychiatrist, 1 more psychiatrist appointment scheduled, 1 appointment with a physical therapist with recommendation for AFO braces, and god knows how many colds.
Ok, I'm still holding out
Ok, I'm still holding out hope that we can have a cohesive family unit. I'm not expecting the Brady Bunch but I am hoping we can avoid the point many of you are at where you hate your stepkids and don't have much to do with any of them.
But dear god sometimes it seems like I'm heading that way.
I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday. SD5 was supposed to go to BM's this weekend after having only seen her mother for a grand total of 1 hour in the last month. BM was supposed to have SD for all of spring break and weekend before last but didn't take her because she said she was working and would only see her for a few hours a day anyway. I'm not real sure what she thinks the experience of every working parent in America is but whatever. The bottom line is she just doesn't want any of the responsibility of parenting. SD had an appointment at the dentist for another silver cap or two yesterday and I kept asking DH if he had told BM about it because she doesn't like to take her after SD gets dental work done or any time she is sick because it involves actual parenting and BM doesn't want to deal with that.
I went to wake the kids up to get ready for school yesterday only to discover that SD5 had thrown up in the night. I mean regurgitated her entire dinner and then proceeded to lay in it all night. Seriously. She is borderline autistic and is developmentally delayed but seriously who the fuck lays in piles of vomit all night? She has no problems asking for help with things she doesn't need any help with (ie: opening the car door, tying her shoes, putting her shirt on, etc.) as a manipulation attempt but anything she actually needs help with she doesn't come find anybody, she just sits down and cries until someone finds her or, like Friday morning, lays in vomit all night until someone finds her.
So I had to call DH at work to see if he could run home and take DD9 to school because SD5 was actively vomiting and I didn't want to take her out of the house. He got home as I was literally scrubbing vomit out of SD's mattress and I just broke down and started sobbing. It has been just one thing after another with that kids this winter. She had head lice in early January. She got some kind of virus around that time too. She had a cough that lasted for three months. Had an ear infection. An abscessed tooth. Has had two kiddie root canals, three silver caps, and a cavity filled and is scheduled for three more silver caps in the next few weeks. She has been on two or three (it's all starting to blend together, I'm pretty sure it's three) round so of antibiotics. We have taken her to the child psychiatrist, made and had four appointments cancelled for the ADOS test (which we finally had done Thursday before last, we get the results Tuesday), we had kindergarten roundup Thursday night, swim lessons Tuesday, parent teacher conferences Tuesday and it just goes on and on and on. I took her to the doctor yesterday and she has strep throat which makes the fourth round of antibiotics so far this year which just seems absolutely crazy to me. I can't believe she gets sick this often. So naturally SD is at home this weekend because the doctor said it wasn't a good idea to send her on a 3 hour road trip to be with her mother. BM is thrilled she doesn't have to do any actual parenting and I'm stuck taking care of her responsibilities again.
I just lost it. I'm scrubbing her vomit out of her mattress, 10 days ago I was scrubbing urine out of her mattress because she wet the bed. I finally just blew at him and said I was about to throw my hands up in the air and say not my kid, not my problem, you deal with it. That's not the family I want, that's not the kind of sm I want to be but god damnit, I can't take much more. I am not made to be a SAHM. It's just not me. I get lazy and depressed. It's not good for my mental health or the family as a whole. But here I am being a SAHM because he asked me to. Someone has to be available to pick SD up from preschool every day at 3 so during the school year I don't work. If it wasn't for that I would be working at least part time but here I am being a sAHM to a kid with special needs that we have yet to get any help with. I had tried to tell him for a year and a half that there was something wrong and we need help but he refused to listen. It wasn't until she started throwing hour long tantrums that he finally decided to consult the pediatrician. Everyone wanted to blame everything on BM and I flat out told him he let his hate for BM cloud his vision so he couldn't see what was staring him in the face and that I didn't create these problems and it was not fair for him to dump his problems in my lap and expect me to fix them without any help.
I think he got the message.
I don't know about anybody
I don't know about anybody else but part of the problem with my DH is he is just so damn patient. Once of the strong points about our relationship is that we balance each other out. One of the things I am a little short on is patience and he is really REALLY long on that. However, it means he tends to put up with way more horseshit than he should. From the both the kids and family members, especially BM and his mom.
This translates to him not noticing there are problems. He thinks everything is normal until someone says "hey man, there is a problem here." Which I don't fully understand because he seems to instinctively know when I need a little extra attention from him or when something is bothering me but he can't seem to make that click with SD.
He got custody of SD coming up on 2 years ago. Shortly before he got custody, and before I had met SD for the first time, he told me BM had put SD in counseling at about 3 months past her third birthday. I asked him why on earth she put a 3 year old in counseling and he said according to BM it was because SD was "such a bad kid." I asked him if he had any problems with SD when she was with him and he said no, not at all. When I first met her I immediately noticed she was really immature for her age. By the time I got to know her better and we moved in together SD was about three months shy of turning 4 and at that time she could not open doors, she could not dress herself, could not so much as put on a pair of socks herself, was not potty trained, walked on the balls of her feet, we couldn't understand a large percentage of what she said, she couldn't sit still, would throw kicking screaming tantrums that could last anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour if we tried to discipline her or she didn't get her way. It was rough. I looked at him and said I asked you when BM put her in counseling if you had any problems with her at home and you told me no. What the fuck do you consider a problem? He admitted that around her second birthday she would sometimes just start screaming for no reason that he could figure out. Like they would be sitting down to dinner and he put her plate in front of her
and she would just start screaming.
Everybody wants to blame BM and say it was instability when she lived with BM that caused all this. Ummmm.....no it wasn't. It's a factor of course. Her environment didn't help, but that didn't cause all of this.
Ooh I never thought about
Ooh I never thought about changing her tooth brush. Thanks, I will be sure to do that.
SD is going to BM's this weekend so that's good. DH has to work this weekend but he is on vacation all next week so we will be doing all kinds of fun things while the kids are in school.