We're all snowed in together again today. Everything fine until DH says "Why can't you get happy!?"

I think he meant for it to be private, between the two of us, but SS14 entered the kitchen from the living room, and SD17 entered from her bedroom at the same moment he said it. SS14 had the brains to turn around and leave, but SD17 chimed in, "yeah, he's right. You're grumpy all the time. No one likes that."

I just glare at her and tell DH to come into the bedroom with me. I tell him never to do that to me again. He apologizes and said he meant it to be private. I told him that's not what I meant; that he is not to say that comment to me because he knows EXACTLY why I am not happy. I reminded him that I am fixing the pieces I can, but a lot of it is in his hands. Although we are communicating, he is still in the doghouse for his "move out" comment... He apologizes again for saying I was unhappy in front of the kids.

SS15 is still at the in-laws due to last week's incident. DH and SS14 have to run to town and get supplies before the snow gets worse.

SD17 confronts me- she wants to know why I am so mad, and why I'm avoiding her. So I lay it out. I tell her I'm not so much mad as I am sad, hurt, broken. I basically tell her everything I've already told her father. I tell her I am still hurt by the terrible things she said to me in November. (You're a b#$%^- I don't need your f#$^ing money...) I am still angry for the pain she caused her father the night she ran away on January 1 and we had no idea where she was. I remind her that just 2 weeks ago she told me I wasn't a part of her life anymore... All if it- everything except the crappy thing her dad said to me the other night about moving out. (I figured that was almost abusive, although it was brought on by the behaviors of her and her brothers...)

I even told her I paid all of her senior expenses since dad lost his job and BM refused to pay anything. I tell her I can't keep being nice to her and doing for her if all she's gonna do is kick me back down. I can be civil and show human decency, but no more.

I laid it all out. I told her I was not going to put up with any more shit. If she wanted to act like her mother, I would treat her the same way I treat her mother. I did tell her I was sorry she and her boyfriend split 2 weeks ago, but she has been the nicest she has been in over a year since they broke up. (DH and I had already talked about that and I know he talked to her about it yesterday...) She smiled, and admitted that was true.

She asked why I stayed if life was so so bad. I told her it really wasn't. I told her I love her and her brothers, even though I wish they behaved better. I told her I love her dad. I reminded her that she can't see all the good in the house if she just sits in her room all the time, talking on the cell and FB. She used to see the same therapist I do, so I told her some things "Doc" and I have talked about. SD is pretty logical and likes facts. I gave her some things she should search on line. I told her to read about disengagement and guilty parenting- and the effects on skids. I told her having that understanding might help her.

I reminded her that she is not her mother, unless she chooses to be. SD has always been very smart when it comes to understanding psychology. We've discussed nurture vs. nature many times. I tell her that now is her time to decide before she burns too many bridges. She says she wants to get things back the way they used to be; she wants to know I will still be here when she comes home on college visits...

I told her that honestly, I couldn't make that promise to her, but that I could promise I would continue to work on things that I can control. I reminded her that if she wants to be treated like an adult, she needs to act like one.

And more- it went on almost an hour. I cried. She cried. We laughed. I ended it before I was truly done, but I wanted to make sure I ended on a positive note.

I'm glad it happened today. I'm supposed to take her to my parents on Sunday and a college visit on Monday. I was really dreading taking her, but she doesn't want her BM to see any of the colleges until she makes a decision; her Dad can't miss any more of his temp job, and the school is only 20 minutes from my parents house so it is an excuse for BS8 and I to see my parents... I'm hoping this will make things easier... For the weekend, and the future...