It was obvious now it's proof
SO picks up the kids from school (half day) both kids backpacks are full of the clothes and jackets we've been sending back for a month! (we always send them to school in/with what they wore when we got them) I knew Bm never checks their backpacks, teachers figured no one on BM's time checks their back packs. They only see what the kids take out when they get home (which means they forget homework, behavior charts etc) but make sure BM see sign ups for field trips and after school fun stuff. So SO is shooting off a text (BM doesn't have e-mail who doesn't have email in this day and age) to let her know there is a months worth of the jackets, and shirts he has been sending back to her and she should check their bags for these things on her time.
she already tried to tell him the kids have a latchkey thing on his time (we don't use latchkey) he told her they could only go if they don't have a repeat of this weeks school behavior (3 of 4 days were yellow or red behavior) and he would only take them if they have greens everyday. She told him he expected too much from them and he should take them and "actually hang out with your kids!" Uh dumb B he spends waaaaay more time actively involved with the kids than you ever have, currently they are outside playing with SO, he always sits and helps with homework, spends at least 20-30 min everyday after school playing with them (when they aren't grounded for horrible school behavior.) He politely told her "You do not get to tell me what I WILL do on my time I will handle it as I see fit based on thier choices to behave or not."
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He told her they could
He told her they could only go if they had green behaviour stickers. Go where?
To an after school carnival
To an after school carnival hosted by the latchkey program we don't use. The kids go to latchkey on BM's time not ours. She decided he should let them go to this event on his time, and he said only if they behave in school this next week. BM isn't taking them SO would be, their school behavior has been deplorable and he expects them to behave to get rewards such as the latchkey carnival, BM doesn't agree and thinks he should take them regardless of behavior then tells the kids how mean daddy is that he won't just take them and how she would take them no matter what if it were her time (nice little PAS) she doesn't care about school, behavior etc because her parents, the teachers, and SO are the only ones who ever deal with these kids not her (she lives with her parents and they are pos' themselves)
She is practicing DARVO to
She is practicing DARVO to maintain her MOTY image (in her own mind):
Deflect, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender
She is trying to say he is a bad father to deflect from the reality of her OWN piss poor parenting
Yep, it's just so frustrating
Yep, it's just so frustrating because WE get what she's doing, the teachers get who's got the kids best interest in mind, the principal is just an awesome man and a PhD in child psych so he definitely gets it. Then we all have to figure out how to have the kids get it. Sometimes SO tries to play DOTY (like the Halloween thing I finally got him to understand and agree with yay) Most of the time he's a really good dad he just told the kids when they came in with the "mom said you won't take us to the thing because your mad were bad kids." with "I told your mom and will tell you IF you want to go I will gladly take you if, and only if both of you get green or better every day next week, and don't get in trouble at all. You both have to be good, that is what I told your mom, because good behavior is important and I love you and want you to be your best that is how we get to do fun things." He will remind them every day to help reinforce that. He's usually great about saying "I think your mom misunderstood" or correcting them without flat out saying she's full of it. He's slipped a couple time when it was just awful lies but I'm hopeful they will see which parent gives a damn as they get older thank goodness everyone else does (she doesn't have the drive to play MOTY except directly to the kids no one else)