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LalaG15's picture

Submitted by LalaG15 on Wed, 12/04/2013 - 11:50pm

Ok I'm new to this but I need advice. I'm 7 months pregnant going on 8 with DD, which is my first child. I told my DB that once our baby is born I don't want to get his daughter during the time that I am on maternity leave. I want to try to adapt to the new baby and be a first time mother without his 5 year old daughter there. I don't want to be selfish but I want to experience being a first time mommy. His daughter is so needy and is a constant bug. I would really just like to have my baby without any conflicts on the side. He didnt really react as supportive as I would have liked. But am I in the wrong to want to have my moment?. This whole pregnancy I've had to deal with his mother and grandmother wanting to do everything for his kid. For example they knit me a cute receiving blanket but then wanted to make the exact blanket for his daughter \>_

Comments

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 7:22am

How long are you on maternity leave? 12 weeks? 6?

OK, turn the tables. How would you like DH to tell you you cannot have your child over for 6 weeks while a he enjoys his daughter?

Rethink this ... how about "Honey, while I get used to this mother-thing I cannot be taking care of *SD*. So if you aren't here she will need to be with you or her mother or another relative."

You really can't tell him to drop his daughter because you have a baby. And how do you think his daughter will feel. She cannot come by your home for weeks because you don't want her there. Just step back from being her other caregiver for a few weeks.

Actually 5 yr olds can be really handy for picking up the phone for you, getting a diaper, passing you your drink, changing the TV channels for you while you are feeding the baby.

sonja's picture

Submitted by sonja on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 7:56am

Ive got some strong opinions on this. I had lots of BF issues at the hospital and was a TOTAL wreck when I came home. Dh wanted SD there immediately (like the next day after we got home). Ill never get over the lack of understanding he had, we lived in a small 1br at the time, and he didn't want me crying in front of her, so I was forced to be shut up in the bedroom.

I see no reason for the skids to come over for at least a few days of being at home.. ESP if they are usually only there every other weekend. SD was brought over EARLY, just so SHE could see the baby. I really needed my DHs support and help at that time and he was too busy entertaining SD.

I think its important to remind DH that this is your first and its new and exciting and although hes already 'been there and done that', he needs to remember how important this moment/time is for you.

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 8:16am

can you make this post more specific? how long are you requesting and how often do you have SD?

if you only have her every other week then perhaps you can switch a weekend so you get a two week break but to ask to have this child free time is somewhat selfish and not thought out

rethink this...if you do this he will resent you, sd will resent you and most importantly she will resent your baby more then she would natrually

LalaG15's picture

Submitted by LalaG15 on Thu, 12/05/2013 - 11:02am

My maturity leave is 12 weeks but not all of it will be with the baby of course and we have his child every weekend of the month. My DH works Mon-Friday with only weekends off. I don't mind his daughter she is just extremely needy and braty. I just want a while to adjust to my baby. And thank you everyone for your input.

Also we get her Friday nights at 6pm until Sunday night at 8pm. I have to go and pick her up every Friday because of DH schedule. I don't think I'd feel comfortable taking my new born baby out in early feb. (I'm due feb 9th) every Friday night. ESP when she live 2 towns over which is a 30-40 min drive. /: