Im not even sure how to write everything down, im so irritated and angry with my dh.

First off ss14 has been horrible at school ALL last semester. 

He ended on a 3 E almost 4 E report card.

So now clean slate, he is turning in work- only been a week.

Dh mother asked to get him. No prob, he has been doing good, left cell on table- dh wanted him to have it- baseball at 11am.

So dh comes with me to pickup my son, horrible headache like i should be in a dark room- but its to late to have ex get my son and i get him saturday.  Dh is talking to a client ss14 blows up his phone, so i call him back.

So im like whats the fire? Whats up...wondering if its baseball stuff he cant find.

Nope- he wants to know if he can go to carnival- be dropped off and picked up by grandma. His idea. He has money. 

Im like wtf- i dont answer him. So i tell him about getting baseball stuff together, and dad wants him to have his phone, and he will call him back. (I told him to take cellphone, lil shit left it at house, i think on purpose) 

Of course my tone is a NO, because his attitude has been shit. Ss think he did good for a week so bam everything is great.

Dh is like i dont know what to do, either way im the bad guy, uh your not the bad guy to me...your just not a parent!! - also we have no idea who these kids are, ss has NEVER been just dropped off some where with kids we dont know, so i guess new teen thing, he finally is brave enough to go it alone? 

Whatever- so grandma gets the cousin and stays there with them. Which is better than him being there alone, with NO cell and kids that might not be there. 

So now ss will be home shoving the carnival in my sons face- i know this because thats what he does

(There was convo that led up to this part, but its mot needed)

So i say well what if we go tonight? -Dh all what?! Dont we have a birthday to get ready for? - Umm yeah its nextweekend, and its not stopping you from going to a baseball game for 2-3 hours....so why cant we go tonight? 

Look i know im being spiteful, i just dont care anymore- why do i get a flat out no- and we have a birthday party to get ready for(dh wants to tell me about my responsiblites of course)- but he was ready to let ss go with kids dh does not know/and we have no idea if these kids were actually going to be there, and no cellphone to call anyone!!! 

I said "should i call your mother for a round 2?" Its cool if your mom takes them right? As long as grandma is involved these kids get to do whatever. 

Then he was like im done with this convo...takes baby girl crying with him to baseball game.  Whatever im so done with this hypocritical talk. 

Im done comparing myself to a effing teenager. Im just so angry that if Dh was not with me in the car, i know for a fact he would have let him go and NOT told me. Then ss14 would have came home bragging about the carnival to my son, and my son asking why he cant  go! Effing bs man. 

But its me of course- im speaking up about it- i want to take my kids so im the worst person ever. He has time for baseball why not a carnival? Why cant i just go if he does not want to? Why am i stuck here: an adult, but a failing 14 year old gets to do whatever he wants?  Like im just so resentful, and ready to leave...i dont care if i have a chronic illness- its probably worse because of these 2!  

Im probably the monster in this story,  but im so fedup... im just not able to stay quiet anymore- im so angry.  

Yes i know there will be more carnivals.... and ss14 will get to go to those too!!   But i might not have my son for some depending on weekends. What makes me mad too, is ss gets to go twice, one time he got to go 3 times to a carnival!! (The difference now my kid is old enough to understand how many times ss goes vs him) It just adds up man, i have to fight with a grouchy husband just to go!!  Everyone else just effing goes!! Im just over dhs attitude...he can be such a drag.... but its never him of course never.  My attitudes are just out of the blue, because i love conflict!!  Felt good getting this out there.