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10 years old with an attitude from hell.

krcc2016's picture

Submitted by krcc2016 on Mon, 03/07/2016 - 10:29pm

What do you do when your ten year old step daughter is nothing but an attitude filled snob who has absolutely no respect for adults? And your S/O doesn't back you up when they're in the wrong? I've tried electronics restrictions, talking to her, added chores for periods of time.. Nothing is working and I develop a stronger dislike for her every time she opens her mouth...

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SilverPetra's picture

Submitted by SilverPetra on Mon, 03/07/2016 - 11:39pm

This week, ss11 has been, not to put too fine a point on it, a gobby little beast. Not just with his mum and I, but at school and rather horribly, a neighbour's son. He called him a "mistake". Mum left me to deal with the very upset mum of the little "mistake" boy.
I (being a teacher, not a mother....New to the whole Step-mothering world, lalala) told him to start comprehending the power of his statements. The strength of his words. Now he is approaching adulthood, how he can't always be protected by a parent or step parent. I also made him write a note of apology and take it to the child and give a verbal apology to him and his mum.

From what I've seen, the wonderful advice I've received from others on this site, if the child's mother isn't the disciplinarian, you will not have a happy ride with the child. My SD is a little madam, and I was in exactly your position a mere two weeks ago. Then my wife started telling her off every time she was naughty. It. Worked.

Children will try to divide and conquer. Find a way to unite with your S/O. Perhaps some ideas on how to handle repeated behaviours? E.g. If you choose to do this, this will be the consequence. You have to be on the same page, really. It's that, or press the 'disengage' button - which saves your sanity. A couple of great ladies on this site nudged me towards 'Stepmonster' and an article on 'disengaging'.
You are in a very familiar position to most of us.

Good luck.

krcc2016's picture

Submitted by krcc2016 on Tue, 03/08/2016 - 7:42pm

Her biological mother does not enforce anything at all when she is with her. SD lives with us during the school year and goes to her mom for the summer and it's like her attitude resets every time she comes back. I don't want to be the evil step-mother, but I am so tired of being disrespected by her. It doesn't help that my husband doesn't see that she's doing anything wrong - that frustrates me even more because he is oblivious to her actions. Her attitude is at the point where my mother came in town for a visit and my mom was going to get a hotel room because my SD was so disrespectful.. I had never been so embarrassed in front of my mother in my entire life.

I do tell her what she's doing wrong when she does it - but it has yet to work. She just gets an attitude, mocks me and says "Uh huh, yeah.. Okay". My husband is always giving the excuse of "She's on her period" or "She had a bad day, give her a break".. Constantly making excuses and it really bums me out that he won't be on board with me and see that the way she treats people is inappropriate.

I'm going to look for "Stepmonster". I am just at a total loss with her. I don't want to give up on her - but I also won't let things slide when she's being a turd. You know?

Thank you so much for the reply. [:

krcc2016's picture

Submitted by krcc2016 on Tue, 03/08/2016 - 7:47pm

She lives with us during the school year, so it makes it difficult to just up and leave every time she's being a pain in the rear. Trust me, I want too! It's very sad when you feel as though you don't belong in your own household because of a child. Sucks.

I don't want to leave my husband - he is a wonderful man. Just completely oblivious to his daughters actions. It's almost as if he has this wall built that he won't let down towards her. I don't know.

Thanks for the reply. [:

krcc2016's picture

Submitted by krcc2016 on Tue, 03/08/2016 - 7:53pm

I've tried placing boundaries with her - I tell her if she does a certain thing, she loses certain items for an amount of time... Never fails, she's constantly losing her stuff because I stand by it and she hates me for her "doing nothing wrong". For example, I told her that if she argues (when she tries to argue she yells) with adults, rolls her eyes or has a bad attitude, she loses all electronics for 24 hours automatically. THEN, the waterworks to her dad - THEN, the argument between us begins. SO frustrating!

I would be frustrated too! Not your responsibility to supply them with feminine products - understood if she needs them while she's there - but that's ridiculous that she's trying to take all of them with her. Maybe an underlying issue? Does the mother not sit financially sound? Or is she afraid to ask her mother for those kind of items?

RayRay's picture

Submitted by RayRay on Tue, 03/08/2016 - 4:10pm

Yep, disengage! You can't win it alone and you only end up looking like the evil SM anyway for trying to parent skid.