Weird situation over the weekend
My boyfriend had his children over the past weekend and I went over for one day to visit since I haven't seen the older ones in 2 months. I took a hot bath while I was there. I love taking Epsom salt and other types of detox baths. They relax me. I felt dehydrated and dizzy so I opened the window while I was in the bathroom, but I still felt dizzy. Sometimes that happens to me with baths. In the past my boyfriend has asked me to change in the bathroom after baths which I think is unreasonable especially when I'm sweating. Anyway, the bathroom is about 15 to 20 feet from his bedroom so I make sure I'm totally covered up with my towel and walk straight into the bedroom. He texts me and says hey don't come out of the room in a towel in front of the boys. So I didn't see this text before he actually came in the room and I said oh I didn't see your text but I wasn't going to come out before I changed. I started to say I was really dizzy so I came straight from the bathroom to his room. He started getting this stern type of voice which he does in general and that makes me mad but, anyway he said I was making excuses and should just say okay I won't do it again or whatever. The whole situation really rubs me the wrong way. His sons are 8 and 10 and I don't see anything wrong with walking from the bathroom to my bedroom with a towel totally covered up. He felt the same way when I lived with him and I think that's absurd in my own home. Meanwhile I've gone swimming with them before in a bikini. Isnt he kind of overreacting?
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Ok, help me get this...is
Ok, help me get this...is this his house or yours? YOu say you walked a few feet to HIS bedroom but later say 'I think that's absurd in my own home" ...and he felt that way when you lived with him. Just confused a bit and it might affect my answer.
Either way, yeah-overreacting.
Is this still the place with one bath for all these people
I cannot imagine taking a bath in that crowded a place.
Lololol yes
Lololol yes
Ah ok, his house, his rules.
Ah ok, his house, his rules. And if you're only going for the day what is the need to even take a bath there? If he's asked you before not to do it, it seems you would just not bathe there, especially if visiting for the day.
His overreacting is in his tone of voice, like he would scold a child almost. BUT let's reverse the roles, if a stepdad did this to his stepdaughter-after mom asked him to not do so, we'd call him a creep.
I honestly forgot about that
I honestly forgot that he told me that in the past. I probably blocked it out because it's unreasonable. I lived there in the past and he was still telling me what to do.
This was a one-day visit. I'm
This was a one-day visit. I'm confused as to why you didn't take a bath before or after your visit.
Anyhoo... You do not live there. His place; his rules.
But his "stern" tone of voice... What on earth is so attractive about this guy whose trying to "parent" you??
His issues with tone are a
His issues with tone are a serious point of contention.
bathrobe
Buy a cheap bathrobe and keep it there. Perfect for trips from bathroom to bedroom.
Good plan thanks
Good plan thanks
Keep a bathroom robe in the
Keep a bathroom robe in the bathroom like everyone else does
don’t take bath if it makes you dizzy especially not in your home
if the parent asks their date not to walk around wrapped in a towel, to continue do so is rude l. Again put a robe on
id not date a man who insists on bath when visiting me and wraps himself in a towel with my minor kids around
this man is a mess but this issue could be avoided
I've been with him for years
I've been with him for years and he has had no problem letting his "date" be the caregiver for his children while he worked all day and not to mention he also let his date drive two hours to drop 4 children off alone and at times in the dark, cook meals for 8 people with no help nearly every time the kids were over..... So I don't really respect his idiotic rules. I listen and don't argue the issue because I'm a decent person but,I sure don't have respect for the rules especially from a person who has not respected me.
Why are you cooking meal for
Why are you cooking meal for 8 people or drive for 4 hours or being a sole caregiver for that many kids for a man you aren’t even married to? They have two moms and a dad.
Yes him asking you to do all that is crazy but you aren’t obligated to do any of it. You voluntarily agreed. If my DH asked me to cook meals for 8 people (unless Thanksging dinner or something) or drive 2 hours to pick some kids or be a caregiver for bunch of kids or what not, I’d laugh, and we are married.
You think it’s ok to do literally slave labor for him and bunch of kids but not ok to put some clothes on. I’d never ask my DH to stop his own life and career and be a cook or caregiver or a driver for bunch of kids that aren’t his. But I sure wouldn’t appreciate if he walked after bath wrapped in a towel when my DD visits. We have bathrobes and clothes to wear.
Your priorities are just strange. You assert yourself about freedom to walk around in a towel and insist on refusing to put clothes on yet you don’t assert yourself about nothing else.
No. I used to do those things
No. I used to do those things for him. I stopped doing them long ago. I don't have a problem wearing clothes. That's ridiculous. I just wanted to walk to a bedroom to change. A bedroom extremely close to a bathroom. I respected his wishes I just think he's being extreme. I'm entitled to my opinion.
How is wrapping a towel
How is wrapping a towel around him any different than your kids seeing him in swim trunks? They are even more revealing.
Honestly, my DH asked me to do the same and I thought it was silly because the bathroom is quite literally 2 steps from the bedroom, and unless my SS was sitting in a specific spot in the kitchen he couldn't see me anyway. But I did it because he asked me respectfully and it wasn't a big deal (though honestly, half the time I'd poke my head out and if SS wasn't in that one spot, I'd dart into the bedroom in my towel).
Had he given me any version of "My House, My Rules", our relationship would be over, most likely.
He did ask me respectfully at
He did ask me respectfully at first but, I'm not only angry about this. It's his general tone and the fact that he believes he is the one to call the shots and that scares and upsets me. I feel out of control and that he'll micromanage everything I do because he tries to already do that. Your husband sounds like a reasonable person.
So he asked you respectfully
So he asked you respectfully and you still refuse to put even a robe on?
No. I didn't refuse to put
No. I didn't refuse to put clothes on. I went to change immediately before he even said a word. He commented after the fact because I went from the bathroom directly into the bedroom to change instead of changing in the bathroom.
I"m wondering how he even
I"m wondering how he even knew this? Did he stand there watching if you went to the room w/a towel? Did the kids see you and say something? Yeah, robe from now on girl....or dump him...that's the best alternative honestly.
No he saw me he was on the
No he saw me he was on the couch he was in the living. room His 8 yr old was playing a video game looking at TV and the rest were downstairs.
Agreed
Sends the wrong message to the children, it's completely unnecessary and not to mention if the BM heard about it, she could potentially report it to Child Services.
When in Rome, do as the Romans do.
What message does it send the
What message does it send the children? What would CPS say about this?
Yes, I'd love to be the CPS
Yes, I'd love to be the CPS worker who gets the call about a woman walking 3 feet from the bathroom to the bedroom, completely covered in a towel. lol
They'd say, "NOT REPORTABLE".
The BMs wouldn't do that.
The BMs wouldn't do that. They're not insane.
Even BM here wouldn't do that
Even BM here wouldn't do that. If she did I'd have reported that her 12-year-old son said he "regularly sees her in her bra".
I read over and over you don
I read over and over you don't respect him. Then you say he scares you. WTH are you doing with this guy?? Do you have low self esteem????? Cant see how being with a dude who scares you and don't respect makes for a happy life.
END IT ALREADY.
Agree with others. You don’t
Agree with others. You don’t respect or even like him. Why stay. Two bedroom whth 6 kids. Please. Taking bath there wouldn’t even enter my mind. I’d stay in my house
I wouldn't be able to bathe
I wouldn't be able to bathe there, much less sleep!
Sounds like this towel
Is covering up a whole lot of problems (sorry!)
Seriously, you two seem miles a part on a lot of things. The way you describe things, as plenty of smart posters have said above, there is simply no respect on either side. That's before adding in a gaggle of kids.
Do yourself a favor and find a new bathtub with someone who doesn't care about how naked you are, and where there's mutual respect.
That's true. There are issues
That's true. There are issues with communication and having different ideas of acceptable behavior. Then once you add in all of the children and surrounding drama related to that it just becomes unbearable. I know I can't be with him. I fully intend on speaking to a professional to figure out why I'm in this situation and to help me leave it.
20ft? It’s no where near or
20ft? It’s no where near or close. That’s one huge 2 bedroom apartment if bathroom is 20 ft away from a bedroom.
My math is probably off. It's
My math is probably off. It's close to it.
The real question is why an
The real question is why an attractive 30 yr old is with such a loser with so many kids. And. In New York, no less, home of MILLIONS of single men w no kids.
I know. I've started to break
I know. I've started to break up with him several times already and haven't been able to to follow through. I feel really attached to him. I'm looking for a therapist to see because I need to talk to someone.
Kiwi, at least you can see
Kiwi, at least you can see hon that you need help in breaking it up. I applaud you. Continue searching for that help. One thing a therapist told me once, staying in a bad situation when knowing the best alternative is not being a victim, it's bein a volunteer.
Yeah I definitely need help
Yeah I definitely need help and support. That's an interesting way of looking at it. Thanks for sharing that.
Are you dependent on him
Are you dependent on him financially?
If not, imagine single guy you can be on a fun date with with no kids and no baggage. Ton of single nice men. Even if he was very nice, you don’t need 6 kids around
. You don’t owe him anything. Check dating sites (not hook up) out curiosity to see how many men are there. My DD is in a serious relationship now but when she first looked, number of single childless professional men astonished her. She could go on 5 dates a week and in fact she did go on at least 2 a week until she found the right one, fairly quick, few months the most.
No. He'll buy me things here
No. He'll buy me things here and there but he doesn't pay bills.
I agree. He's the first guy I've dated with kids. A lot of men in NYC and long island are child free well into their 30s.