Ready to throw in the towel with SD for now
I have tried for almost 2 years now with my SD and it just isnt working. SHe talks back to me when her dad isnt here, she ignores me when he isnt here, barely speaks to me and the list goes on. She has been talked to so many times by her dad that she needs to put more effort in and she does somewhat for a few days after each talk and then it goes back to the same thing. I can't keep stressing about her bc it is taking a toll on me emotionally. ANd now i am pregnant and really cant have the stress of her on me. I feel bad but Im not sure what else to do. I honestly feel like she has major issues with me but just wont admit to it because she knows she will look bad. When she gets in trouble she will suck up to me and draw me pictures etc but its only when she has gotten in trouble. She is 11 and acts WAY younger than that and it is only getting worse, and i feel it will get 100 times worse when the baby gets here. BUt i just cant worry about it anymore. Any one else have a similar situation? My husband completely understands why i want no part of her and it makes him sad but he sees it as her fault and if she isnt willing to put in any effort, then there isnt much I can do.
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Hi, ok I looked back and
Hi, ok I looked back and remember now about your SD. I have to say, I think there is some hope for her! At least she is not a yakker delinquent like mine!
Have you tried peer groups, like church, girl scouts, band, dance classes, gymnastics? Put her off on some other kids, I think she just doesn't know what to do with herself socially maybe? Even piano lessons, day camps this summer, ex. Theatre. Also skating I loved at that age!
We force her to do scouts and
We force her to do scouts and church group and its a chore to get her to do it. She doesnt do sports or anything like that and we have talked about camps this summer bc she cant just sit around all summer long. And she is not thrilled about it but too bad. I guess I just wish she wasnt so awkward around me and so mean towards me. I almost feel like she is resentful towards me because I changed everything for her.
Oh, hmmm. We have a saying
Oh, hmmm. We have a saying for times like this for kids, from the old Lil Abner comics: Pooberty hit her hard.!!!
Maybe she is just becoming angsty? Maybe just try to ignore it and she will accidentally fall into a little fun somewhere?!
I am sorry, that does sound like a pain!! But I bet you are helping her, it will just take a while to show?
I feel your pain except for
I feel your pain except for the being pregnant part...lol I gave up on my SD11 the day off her last birthday. I tried for 3 years...at first I blamed myself...I thought that I was seriously jealous of a little girl but learned via a counselor that I felt that way because DH and his daughter have a relationship that is more like a BF/GF than a father/daughter. SD uses affection to manipulate her father and now that I realize this I don't feel as creepy but it still upsets me to see an 11 yr old girl act like a five year old and waller all over her father to get attention.
SD11 uses me as a tool and if I was gone tomorrow she would feel nothing more than when her pet rabbit died which was just a brief tear and then "what kind of animal are we getting next" (that she doesn't feed or take care of but by gosh it's hers)
I still feel hurt by the fact that nothing I ever do is good enough for her but slowly realizing that it is not me that is causing the problem...I have disengaged. I co-exist with her but I honestly have very little feelings one way or the other. I hate it that it is this way but I'm tired of fighting an uphill battle that just seems to become more steep. At her birthday party last year, the party hostess made a balloon butterfly for SD mom...the hostess gave it to me by mistake thinking I was the mom (I was organizing, paying, being involved to help out DH...ect)Sd saw this and took it away and said "that was for my mommy!!!" and something so seemily insignificant was the straw that broke the camel's back for me.
I do not trust my SD...I think there is far more going on with her than any of us are aware of. I see the mastery of manipulation everyday that she pulls with her father and I can't trust her. I hope that I am completely wrong for DH's sake because he absolutely adores her and she is the reason he exists...the devistation of her betrayal to him one would shatter his existance I'm afraid.
Good luck to you and congrats on your baby...take care of yourself and follow your instincts on what to do.