How do you respond?
When you're out in public and a stranger refers to you as "mom", how do you respond?
Example: I took SD9 to Petsmart to look at the animals, and she wanted to hold one of the kittens. The man that was there said "is that okay with you, mom?"
It's so awkward for me. I don't want to say "oh, she's not my kid" or "no, I'm just her stepmom", cause it feels like I'm trying to tell a stranger my life story. But SD makes comments about it afterward like "people always think you're my real mom, but you're not."
How do I respond to the whole thing without giving SD the impression I'm trying to pretend that I'm her mother??
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Personally as a skid I hated
Personally as a skid I hated it when people did that and my SM IN FRONT OF MY BM would smirk and not correct it looking to see if my mom would. So I always piped up "She's my SM this is my REAL mom" and introduce my BM.
As a step-parent type person I correct it if BM is present, and depending on the situation. Pet store, grocery store I just let it slide (unless they are acting like animals then I won't claim them I expect behaved children)Skids doc thought I was BM even though I told him twice I was just SO's gf, so when BM showed at an appointment I was at with SO and his son I was like "here's his MOM finally" Doc figured out the dynamic real quick after that (SO is the one who got them their first Pediatrician EVER when they were 7 and 8 because BM lied about them having one. (she tried to say her ob that delivered them was their doc!)
Not my kids and I don't want them or BM ever thinking I want them to be.
Exactly. If you make the
Exactly. If you make the correction, you're rejecting the kid. If you don't make the correction, you're trying to play mommy. Cannot win.
You could say, "I'm sure her
You could say, "I'm sure her mom wouldn't mind, if she were here. I'm her stepmom," or something like that. Or you could let it go (especially when it's not relevant), 'cuz it does feel weird to explain the situation to complete strangers.
If you don't correct the person and SD says something about it after, I would just say, "Yes, but they don't know that and there's no need to correct them and make them feel uncomfortable." That way she knows that you're not trying to pretend you're her mother, just trying not to make the salesperson feel stupid.
SD used to be quick to
SD used to be quick to correct people, but DH squashed that quick telling her exactly what you just said. But I can tell she still doesn't like it when someone makes the mistake. She thinks that I went back to my natural hair color to try and look more like her.
SD & I both let it slide.
SD & I both let it slide. It's easier that way. SD7's BM lives 3 hours away from us, so only people who know us well know SD isn't mine (or who notice she's only here EOWE & in the summer, or those who ask where she goes to school, etc).
Fortunately skids don't look
Fortunately skids don't look anything like me. We've gotten the "is that ok with dad?"comment more than the mom one. I definitely say something. Usually just casually "oh, those are his kids". I'm never alone with them so I don't have the awkwardness of what you described. I think the kids like it when I say something. Their mom used to (actually started it up again recently) tell them I was trying to take over her role as mom and makes them feel shitty if they give or accept kindness from me. I want that mom role about as much as I want case of herpes.
I don't understand why people
I don't understand why people automatically assume that we are the mom? What if we are the Aunt or babysitter?? Just because a kid is out in public with a woman/man doesn't make them the parent. I hate it when people say, "Is it ok with mom/dad?" or anything Mom/Dad related. Quit assuming I'm anyones mom. Maybe their parent isn't around and it's a hard thing for them or maybe it's a foster child. I almost realte it to never asking a woman if she is pregnant. Don't just assume...