Am I crazy to be upset?
First of all, I just wanted to say, I'm so glad I found this site! Reading some of the posts have made me cry, laugh, and fighting mad at times. I, like a lot of you really have no one to talk to, or no one that would understand, anyway. So, here's my story... DH and I have been married for 6 yrs. I have 2 children of my own, he has 2 of his own, and we have one together. Coming into the relationship, I thought it was wonderful we NEVER had to deal with BM. Needless to say my in-laws told me that " they didn't like BM, she never took care of the kids, cheated on DH...." blah, blah, blah. My kids and step-kids go to the same school which requires me, in-laws, and BM all to be at school for different functions. Over the last few years, I've been left standing by myself so they can go talk to her and her new husband. I was totally ignored one year as MIL sat right behind me with her and then told DH she didn't see me....yeah right? They still buy her Christmas gifts, for her, her husband, and their daughter. On Halloween, it was her week with the boys she brought them to all of DH's sisters and brothers' houses. I'm definitely not saying there is anything wrong with her bringing the boys by but last year when we had them, we DID NOT take them to see her!! She has friended them all on facebook as well. When DH asked SIL why they accepted she said "she did it for the boys." So, I'm all for keeping the peace "for the boys" but why does that mean " we will do whatever she wants us to do to keep her happy and we don't care whose feelings we hurt in the process!"
I'm usually not the type of person to be so upset over things like this, I have no relationship with my in-laws because of her. I honestly think she knows what she is doing, she still has control and she is loving it. Anybody have any suggestions on how to handle this situation? I'm so done with it!! And, please tell me am I being a big baby? 
- kellyb77's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
That sounds awful and I
That sounds awful and I completly understand why your upset. The only way that I know of for this situation to improve is for DH to standup of you big time. If it makes you feel any better at all. I HATE my MIL and in-laws but can't get them out of my home, business, life...for the boys. If SS's are around so are his entire crazy family. I would kill to have them annoying pshcho BM instead.
I have the exact same
I have the exact same situation with my BM and IL's. They can have her sorry ass I don't care. My MIL called a few months ago to ride with me to a function for one of my SS's and I told her to call BM since she was the one that was loved and so damned glorious! I feel better since I don't care anymore. MIL sent me FB friend request when she deleted BM. I told DH I denied it and would not accept one from her again. He was totally fine with it and told his mom so. He completely stands behind me. It may be bc i'm the one he has to sleep with at night but that's all ok to!!!
Yeah, I have been invited one
Yeah, I have been invited one time to a school grandparent's lunch, she actually wanted to eat with my kids too. I told her that apparently she had found had before hand that BM would not be there or she would have NEVER asked me. The thing is if my DH is around, they avoid her at all costs. So, I'm not sure if he thinks I'm overreacting to the situation or what. She did actually apologize to me a few weeks ago for not speaking to me at school while she was there, only because my husband told her my feelings were hurt and I told him I was done with it! I suppose deep down I would love for him to stand up for him more than he does, not sure how I can make that happen, though? :?
Ohhhh I feel it! My step
Ohhhh I feel it! My step mother says I can't hate anyone and I'm friends with everyone. My comment to that is...so it's OK that your EX-STEP DAUGHTER the BM can brainwash and manipulate the kids, harrass us everyday, every 6 months take us back to domestics because she feels she isn't getting enough AND dislikes the entire family! So yeh go ahead and friend someone who does all that. I'm friendly with my husbands family and mom however I keep my distance also. Frienemies. Keeps your friends and enemies close.
You need to take a step back from all of it and look at the big picture. She is still the grandmother of your husbands children and your husbands mom. Let her be friends with the sucky ex wife. She's an ex wife for a reason. Be strong and confident. Don't let anyone know how it bothers you. Talk yourself through it if you get upset. Remember YOU ARE THE BETTER PERSON. Don't let anyone take away your peace and happiness!
First of all, I want to say I
First of all, I want to say I adore my in-laws. So much so that my DH and I take our anniversary trip every year with them because our anniversaries are only a couple weeks apart.
I also know they are "friendly" on the surface to BM. They have a huge inground pool so during the summer BM is always calling them up asking to bring over the Skids to go swimming... then my FIL starts making dinner and invariably one of the SK's will say "Ohhh, nachos! I love nachos, and I bet my mom would like some too." So they end up staying for dinner (note: sk's are teenagers, not little kids who would typically do this).
Looking at it realistically, it doesn't bother me that this happens. Those kids are my inlaws' only grandchildren (unless you count mine, who are steps to them). They have seen the havoc BM can cause if she's "crossed" - like withholding the SK's from IL's and my DH. So I see where they are coming from on this. But I also know WHY they play nice with her, and know that deep down they are seething.
Thankfully, I don't have to worry about BM invited to family holiday dinners. Sorry, that's just whack.
Your situation is familiar.
Your situation is familiar. Our BM is still FB friends with several of DHs family members, which is slightly uncomfortable. Not sure if they don't realize she cheated on him and that's why they divorced. Maybe they are still friends because of how long DH and BM were together before their divorce. Whatever the reason, its awkward as hell and often leaves me feeling like I need to watch my mouth around them. I'm only FB friends with her because, as they say, you keep your friends close and your enemies closer. It keeps things civil around our house too - knowing that we can communicate like regular friends, but I don't trust her as far as I can throw her.