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First time blogging, ever!!! I need advice.

katinadish's picture

Submitted by katinadish on Fri, 11/13/2009 - 8:05pm

Well I have custody of my 11 year old step daughter since she was 3 and it is getting very difficult. It seems the only anger the kid has is for me. She has a mother she rarely sees and whom never follows up on promises. She goes weeks without seeing her mom and I could go on and on and on. I ask her to make her bed and she is mad all night. She hates me. What am I doing wrong?

Comments

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 11/13/2009 - 8:18pm

I can tell you exactly why she is angry. She is angry because BM is not there for her. Unfortunately, your being the SM makes you the easiest target for SD's anger. I don't think you're doing anything wrong, but this child needs some serious counseling, and the next phone call you make should be to her doctor, so you can ask the doctor for the names of highly-qualified pre-teen psychologists.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 11/13/2009 - 9:00pm

I have to disagree. I do not think it should be "laughed off." I think this SD has severe issues due to BM's not being there for her. I'm in no way saying it's right that she take it out on the author of this blog, but I do think the SD needs professional help in coping with BM's abandoning her.

startingover2010's picture

Submitted by startingover2010 on Fri, 11/13/2009 - 9:47pm

i disagree as well. her sd is targeting her because no one is putting a stop to it and being she is the 'intruder' in sd's eyes, she wont stop. i agree she needs therapy to deal with issues.

from experience, it can get ugly.

katinadish's picture

Submitted by katinadish on Sun, 11/15/2009 - 6:59pm

Wow!! I am so happy I took the time to sign up and blog on this site. Reading the comments left for me have been medicine to me soul!! To know that there is others that can understand and appreciate where I am coming from is priceless. GOD love my husband, he tries to understand but he just doesnt get it. I agree that my SD needs counseling again (she was in counseling consistantly from the age of 4 to 9.) We stopped seeing her last counselor because we felt she was a "hand-holder" and my SD begged not to go back and I gave in. I was wrong and here we are at a crossroad and she doesnt want to go and she knows I am the one that is insistant that we all go to counseling. She says I am singling her out. She then has her BM and her BM's parents on her side. They say she doesnt need counseling. I dont know what to do. All I know is that I want my SD to have a healthy, happy and successful life when shes grown. I want her to be a good mom but at times it seems she reflects most of her mothers traits and personality and none of mine and my husbands and we have had her since the age of three. The first thing we learned in counseling is that a child is formed the first three years of their life and that is scary. My SD's Bm has 2 other children that live with their father in a dfferent state so she has none of her kids. When I schedule and get us in to counseling she will be very angry with me and no one else, not even dad. It feels so good to get feedback. Thanks yall!! This is uplifting!!