I hear ya!

SS14 was trying to get out of visiting bm this summer and she was going to "let him". Dh was feeling sorry for ss because poor ss wanted to play with his friends and he's so bored at bm's.

I nipped that crap in the bud. Sorry. We are following the court order. Ss WILL visit his mother for two weeks on/ off all summer long just like he and bm wanted two years ago when all they wanted to do was spend more time together.

We do not Stratford Ron the order. Ever.

Katielee,
I am so happy for you. You must be thrilled. I don't post too much on blogs and topics other than adult stepchildren issues as my step-demon is in her 30's but I found your blog and I enjoy how you write. Don't get me wrong, I do not enjoy the fact that this step-brat is causing you distress but your stories are interesting to say the least. I did buy your book about the mini-wife phenomenon and even though I am in a different situation, I do find your book very interesting and it reads well. I wish you continued success with your career as an author and I am keeping my fingers crossed that your SD moves back with mommy. I will follow your blog. I am sure you will keep us informed as to what happens. I hope that this business regarding your DH having a talk with SD doesn't turn out to be DH begging his little precious princess to stay with him full time. That would be awful. I couldn't stand this brat for 5 minutes.
Her behavior that she exhibits about washing dishes is inexcusable. Kids her age should have chores and need to help out around the house. Oh and yes, what is this about her not having to wash the "big" things like pans? Is she so fragile and weak that she can't wash a damn pan? I would be ashamed if one of my boys acted like this. In fact my 11year old loves to help around the house. He especially likes to vacuum and wash dishes. It's good for his self esteem to help out and makes him feel more mature as he is the youngest and he gets a lot out of contributing. I think I read that your SD got pissy when she was asked to re-wash something as she didn't do a good job and she slammed dishes around. To this I say "hell no" and then I believe I read that your DH wants to see her misbehave so he can do something about it. Am I right? Is this what I read???? He should be taking your word for it. I agree with others, you need a nanny cam or at least you need to record her on your phone. You can always just do an audio recording if you don't want her to know that she's being filmed. Personally, I wouldn't want to use anything she washed as she probably doesn't do a good job as a way of protesting that she is expected to help. I wonder if she thinks that if she does a bad enough job that you and your DH will give in for the sake of being sanitary and say "forget it". I would inspect all of the dishes that she washes before she puts them away and make her re-wash anything that is not washed properly. I would make her wash it over 10 times if I had to. Of course she will slam things around and act like an ass. This would be a perfect time to record the brat.
Is this the brat who's BM told you that you need to buy her the menstrual pads that she likes and that she needs her own box? This would infuriate me. I would "forget" to buy the pads and tell her she can roll up some toilet paper and put them in her underwear. It does work, I've done it before in emergency situations and since she is so young, I assume her cycle isn't heavy so it should do the trick. BM can buy the pads.
Ok, now for commentary about the private school. What is wrong with these people? If I recall, SD gets in trouble at school and doesn't get good grades (correct me if I'm wrong). If this brat doesn't apply herself in regards to her studies and gets in trouble at school then she doesn't deserve to go to a fancy, expensive school. Education is what you make of it. I tell my kids that it doesn't matter where you go and that if they apply themselves and work hard then they will get into a good college and will grow up to be educated, intelligent and mature adults. If SD isn't working hard and behaving then there is no reason that thousands of dollars should be spent on her attending this school. I would demand that she attend public school as this is money being wasted on a girl that doesn't care about school. I think it's a stupid decision to have her enrolled in such a school when she makes no effort to work hard. Fancy schools are not a right, they are a privilege. I think it should be against the rules for a divorced parent to make a unilateral decision to send a child to an expensive private school without the approval of the other parent. It's not fair to have to pay for this without consenting to it. If BM wants her precious angel to attend private school then she should have to pay for the whole thing. I think it's outrageous that your DH had custody of SD and BM doesn't pay child support; she only pays for the school but when BM has custody of step- brat then your DH has to pay support and a portion of her tuition. This is not fair. Oh, and the school clothes; I wouldn't buy her anything. Her mother and your DH should clothe their brat. Princess doesn't need an entirely new wardrobe to attend her fancy school. Perhaps if she were sent to public school then there would be enough money to buy clothes. She's a pre-teen and certainly doesn't need cute underwear either. Since her mother doesn't pay child support I think she should buy her clothes. Your DH has wasted enough money on this debacle.
As I believe you said, your DH does whatever he can to prevent BM from getting mad but he has no problem getting you upset. This could be because he loves you and feels like your marriage is strong. I think people tend to hurt the ones they feel most secure with. Who knows, I could be wrong but I wanted to offer another perspective. It doesn't make it "right" but I think this does tend to happen in relationships.
Well, I know this is a long post but I too like to write. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you will soon find peace and harmony in your household. I really hope that SD leaves. You don't need the stress and it's unfair that you have to live like this. I think your DH has a real problem on his hands as this daughter of his is a piece of work. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets worse as she becomes a teenager. I can see it now, smart- mouthed, disrespectful, out of control brat who will ramp up her bad behavior in an attempt to get attention while she tries to drive a wedge between you and DH. I hope I'm wrong but I think the writing is on the wall. I hope the door hits her in the ass when she finally leaves. I say "good riddance" to this brat and all of her stupid drama. Hopefully BM will leave you alone too.

Head I remember those days. Hated them with a passion. Oh, you and BM decided all on your own I am watching SD.

But BM had the last laugh...SD lives with us full time now...so, yup, I watch her all the time now. Sigh....