Got a new plan
Deep breath. Today, my husband is going to see the skids counselor (his kids) because the situation is soooo out of hand. I am looking forward to hearing how it goes, kinda like a soap opera I'm addicted to. However, I don't want to go or be a part of what the counselor has to say.
My husband wants to get more visitation time in the summer, since BM moved further away and we see the kids less. Well they are so awful when they come, it's not really a bad thing for me. However, I understand his position that she is trying to alienate him from his kids. She has been slow and methodical and I think she has succeeded. He needs to be a part of their life, for his own good and for theirs.
So, again, if he wants them for more time in the summer, I am going to take my daughter for a few weeks every summer to my parents house. They have a nice house, cook great food and would love to spend more time with their Granddaughter. Problem solved and I have a guilt free vacation. As for every other weekend, I think I'll start pursuing other activities away from home. Maybe travel and visit friends.
I use to think that we needed to be a united front all the time. I use to think the Skids needed to see a healthy marriage displayed by us. I use to think that I needed to be a full time part of my husband and kids life.
Now I know that when I married a divorced man with kids, I became a divorced woman with an ex-wife. My daughter and I get to live with my husband but we lose him every other weekend, Thursdays and a good portion of the summer, just as if we were divorced and had a custody order. Very sad but true. As soon as I realized that, I was able to relax and mourn but hopefully find a way to live through this happily.
My new take on things. Thought I'd share because I feel pretty sad about it but relieved too.
Kathleen
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Comments
Sad and Relieved
I can relate. I had to find my own space. My girls needed to as well. We do trips separately and go away with my friends we also do things as a family. It helped tremendously that we went back to our life before the merger. A little different but before the merger we would go to water parks, music festivals, water skiing, things like that. Although DH enjoys these things the skids are huge bummers to take-- they wont wear suits in public and will not dance..blah blah blah... My girls and I often do things by ourselves now. DH gets bummed and I do too. But on the few occasions that we have tried to get the skids to do things.. DH is off having fun with my girls and I am stuck with his kids. I have suggested that they are now old enough that if they don't want to go they can stay home... DH doesn't agree. So Off to the beach we go!! I feel sad at times... but relieved that I am not allowing myself to be sooo trapped. Best wishes!
Funny...
I had the same epiphany at one point. My situation is different only because my skids aren't unruly by any means but they are work! I had to quit acting like they were my kids to take care of, because all that did was make me resentful towards them and DH. We have 5 between the two of us and I have my boys 75% of the time and it gets tiring when I've just sent my two out the door to their dad's and three more file in at that same moment. I don't feel guilty at all when I go shopping or get a pedicure - sometimes I take them, but sometimes I don't. I need space too.
I think you are absolutely doing the right thing. I think every situation is differnt. You need to do what is best for you and in a lot of cases here, life starts to be all about the skids and less about us and our own children. I went through a fabulous divorce and have an excellent ex husband, so I decided I wasn't going to pay the price anymore because of DHs bad decisions with his ex wife. I know for a fact that it doesn't need to be this hard....she makes it that way. And I'm just done being a part of the disaster - I'll watch from the sidelines shaking my head but that's it.
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