My oldest dd13 will eat veggies and such-but also likes junk. My dd9 is not adventurous in trying new foods so that's a bummer-but she will eat things like salad, yogurt, oranges. My ds11 is the worst-I never knew it was possible to exist on a diet of bacon and sugar. Now before anyone starts throwing honeybuns at me-that is an exaggeration-however they r his two favorite food groups-the sugar group and the bacon group. I do try and expose him to different foods and veggies and such-but just not a lot of interest. He would rather not eat then eat something he finds gross. I tend to be fairly laid back in this area as I was a horrendously picky eater as a child. I liked very little meat and no veggies. I believe existed on cheese and fruit. I wasnt defiant, nor spoiled, I just was very sensitive to different foods. My parents never forced me to eat things I didnt want and I appreciate that. As I grew older I began to develop different tastes and eat a much wider variety of foods now. Overall I am a fairly healthy eater now so I do have hope for my bs.

I know that's probably not a popular opinion around here and I will say all my kids always have access to healthy foods-fruit/veggies, yogurt,etc. Now the table manners is a different topic altogether. My kids table manners are pretty good. I would freak if one of them crawled under the table at a restaurant-nor do they talk with their mouth full. My ds strangely is also very particular about table manners and prefers to eat alone often as he does not want to look at anyone while they are eating in case he might find their table manners objectionable. He does eat with the family, but when its casual at my house he will actually choose to sit elsewhere.

With your sd I would start with one skill at a time. For example, using silverware correctly. Work with her over and over again on this one skill until she masters it and then move onto the next. As far as trying different restaurants I would encourage this (even my picky bacon eater is willing to try new places and can typically find something he likes)-even ethnic restaurants have burgers and such. Let her order what she wants and perhaps over time she will grow interested in what you and dh have on your plate.

Ummm, she eats what is served at home or starves and eats off of the menu at whatever restaurant the adults choose if you go out as a family.

PERIOD!!!!!

I forecast that it will take about an hour or two of hunger pains before she expands her gastronomic horizons.

My SS-18 hates mushrooms. My wife and I love them. If we make something with mushrooms he eats it or does not eat. No picking out of ingredients from something that his mom or I worked hard to make.

He will eat damned near anything but mushrooms. Thai, Indian, Viet Namese, Sushi, etc, etc, etc...... and has since he was 2yo.

As for table manners .... a 9yo should be held accountable for using appropriate table manners. PERIOD! Zero tolerance on that one IMHO. Sit her down and go through them ONCE more. Tell her if she forgets, she puts her utensils down, takes her plate to the sink and leaves the room and does not eat until the next meal.

If it happens at a restaurant .... out to the car to sit alone until everyone else finishes and she does not eat until the next meal.

I can not stand ill behaved kids at restaurants. Table manners are one thing as long as the kids are quiet and sit at their table. But when they start howling, crawling around on the floor, running around the restaurant .... I call the manager and request that the ill behaved spawn be removed from the restaurant. I have had several parents attempt to argue with me about their sweet children who are nothing more than ill parented little shits. I just ask the restaurant manager to remove the parents who are inept and disturbing the rest of the restaurant by trying to defend their ill behaved little shits.

I am not talking about babies or even young toddlers. I am talking 4+ year olds.

My SS was an incredibly mellow baby and toddler so we never had to deal with this with him. My bro's kids were always reasonably well behaved but had crappy table manners when they were younger. My mom and dad and I fixed that crap. If they ate with their fingers, put their feet on the table, etc...... we would jump on that in a hurry. It used to piss off my SIL that we would correct "her" kids but table manners were a paramount and mandatory manner for our parents. If they were at a table with us, they used their manners.

My BFF has a 3yo. She was an animal every time we went out. I had zero tolerance for that crap. I would take her outside while my BFF, his wife, my wife and my son ate just to give them a break and to let the little shit know that that crap does not fly when I am around. We went out with them two weeks ago and she was an angel. My BFF commented how she behaves so much better when I am around. She speaks English instead of baby drivel, does nto run around, scream, cry, etc......

I told him that all he and his wife have to do is the same things that I do. Make her use her words and not answer to baby crap (Qwee Qwee = Water? :? ), sit and be quiet at the table unless you are asking for something or answering a question, and never allow them to get up and run around, climb on chairs, bother others, etc, etc, etc....

My kid got nothin at 3yo unless he asked for it in a clear voice and said please and thank you and he ate what was served. He ate it and with the exception of one epic battle over peas when he was barely 2yo we had no issues. There was much crying, screaming, yelling and pea green projectile spitting.

I lost the pea battle by the way. He absolutely kicked my ass and refused to eat the damned peas.

But, in the long run I was victorious. He will eat peas now.

I waited 16yrs for victory but by God, I WON the pea war!

I am an adult picky eater, with BS being one too. Although I will allow small accommodations ( i.e. drowning things in ketchup), you eat what is served or don't I don't care. Pack up the plate, stick it in the fridge & if you're hungry later you can eat it. If there is a variety of items I'm sure something can be found, beside all that processed crap can't possibly be good for her.
BTW, almost everywhere you go meat can be ordered plain, without sauces etc. Surely she can eat that & hey by all means put ketchup on it.