All over the place
I don't know where to start. I am dealing with an overbearing ex-wife. A daughter that is almost 21 demanding Daddy and me time and a 14 year old who has no respect. My dh pretends like nothing is going on. I am ok with his kids not liking me but I am not ok with the disrespect. We have a child together otherwise I would have said the heck with all of it. I don't think I realized how difficult this would be. His oldest daughter refuses to be in my company but wants a relationship with her our child. I am ok with not wanting to be around me but I feel like my child and I are a package deal.
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You certainly came to the
You certainly came to the right place as your scenario sounds all too familiar.
Have you considered family therapy? How does your SD imagine treating you horribly
but wants to be around your kid? How old is s/he? Does your husband set the SDs straight about treating you better? It is his job to lay down the law. If he does not see it as such, a therapist could help.
That's just it she doesn't
That's just it she doesn't treat me bad she refuses to be around me but always wants him to visit and bring our baby. I have tried to deal with it hoping it would pass but our baby is almost 2 and the 20 year is not budging. The younger one comes around but she does things that are not so nice and when I finally called her on it she denised it and played it off. My dh wants me to gove here the benefit of the doubt instaed of correcting her bad behavior. It is easier for him to tell me I am wrong.
Let me start by saying I
Let me start by saying I think 1 on 1 partying time is important no matter what. Children are individuals. Our baby is almost 2 years old and I have always allowed (not allow because she is ours) so I have accepted that he take our daughter to go see his daughter but this has been going on for almost 2 years. She refuses to be in my presense. She says she is not ready. Then when birthdays come around she wants to come and then I am totally uncomfortable. She is over 18 and in college when is enough, enough. I have been alienated and continue to be. I tried going along with the program but nothing is changing.
At her age she could now be
At her age she could now be treated by you as just a random person in your DH's life.
If she wants nothing to do with you well so be it. A grown woman does not need "daddy" there by her side all the time like a minor child. Parenting should pretty much done with by 21.
You have an obligation to protect your child. A person who cannot manage to be civil to you should not have access to your child - not because you don't approve of this person but because your young child should not be exposed to someone so petty and stupid.
So maybe your DH can see her every few weeks, etc. But the rest of you go on and live your lives without her.
I agree!! Shes not an 8 yr
I agree!! Shes not an 8 yr old for gosh sakes!! Why is anyone catering to her demands?? Shes old enough to understand & to accept that Daddy has a romantic partner!! Personally, I believe pussy footing around an ADULT is just rediculous!!!! If shes opting to be "involved" when theres a party or a special occassion (such as Birthdays) then its quite obvious that the little darling is just playing games here. Everyone needs to stop giving this Adult so much power here, in my opinion. Personally, just my take on it- but if she wants to be around her little sis-- then Id talk to your DH that since its been years, thats more then adequate time for poor widdle stepdaughter to "get over it already" and accept it-- thats y'all are a FAMILY & that we dont exclude his Wife!!!! Its about high time everyone stops catering to sds "wants" & get real!!! Shes had Plenty of time to adapt & accept her Fathers remarriage!!!!
Shes been given waaaaaay too much power!!! My opinion of course!!!
I can't agree more. This is
I can't agree more. This is exactly how I feel and exactly what I told my dh but he just doesn't seem to get it. The more time that goes by the less interested I become of his sd20 ever being a part of our family because it gets more and more uncomfortable.
I would tell DH that you and
I would tell DH that you and your daughter are a package deal. What is going to happen when your daughter is old enough to pick up on SD's dislike for you. I would nip it before that every got the chance of happening, and you know it will happen. If she doesn't accept you, then she doesn't get to see her step sister. Let your DH visit his daughter, but you and your daughter should have nothing to do with her.
I think you are right. Since
I think you are right. Since it has been going on for so long I don't think it will ever change. I guess I will disengage.