You guys helped me be strong - UPDATE
So last night was hell..I'm at work today ..soooo tired..and a headache from crying so much.
Last night I decided to be strong no matter what..I have gotten thru other heartaches in my life..I can get thru this. Playing the wo is me..life isn't fair isn't going to put a new roof over my head.
I told FH"I will NOT chase you around or cry anymore. It is your responsibility to make me a priority..not mine..until than I will take the same attitude as you. I will be out in two weeks". I than called a close friend who has a 1 bedroom..he said I can crash on the couch no strings attached..no $$ due..than I made THE hardest decision I had to call my EH to take my daughter for the summer while I get my shytt. I actually talked to his new wife (my daughter's stepmom)..and I cried..she told me there was an apt upstairs for rent a two bedroom and she would even loan me the $$ to move..but that would just be WAY too awkward and the commute would be too much to and from work.
So FH went to his moms...his mom called me at 10pm and asked me what was going on because he never just goes there..I told her that he does not communicate,that he argues..that we argue over BM all the time..he told me when he got home that she lectured him more than any other lecture he ever had.
I DID find out that he DID go to where he said he was going WITH his friend and he also brought one of his sons. So he wasn't lying to me or cheating on me.
I told him we should consider counseling..that at one time we were inseperable and the perfect couple..what happened? I told him if he didn't want counseling than I would leave in two weeks.
He agreed. He told me he loved me more than anyone ever but he just doesn't like confrontation. His mother and boss told me the same thing..that since he was a teenager he would just go to his room and shut the door when there was any type of argument. If he doesn't change this behavior he will NEVER have a healthy relationship.
Our anniversary is this weekend. He says he wants to go out and have a nice dinner and "talk"..I was SHOCKED.
I'm not holding my breath, I'm taking it one day at a time .. if nothing is resolved than on the 20th I will pack my stuff..put the furniture I DO have in storage and move in with my friend and NEVER look back..
I will deal with SS though..I won't just walk out and abandon him like all the other women in his life.
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hey that's GREAT NEWS!!
I would still go forward with your plan. Yeah have a dinner and see what he has to say all that good stuff this weekend, but be on guard!
"And this too shall pass..."
Hey Kaff
Sounds like you're fed up with not being able to trust him, and with good reason. I went through a similar situation with my FH a few years ago, shortly after he moved in with us. I was on his computer and happened across his conversations with an online "friend". It made me absolutely sick. He said very intimate, personal things to her. This was after he would tell me how much he loves me and how grateful he is that we met, yada yada yada. Further investigation of his computer revealed a few more such "friends", some of whom he had met in person.
I can't advise you to stay or go. It sounds to me like you're ready to leave but kinda willing to let him redeem himself. I know the party line is to leave the bastard because he'll likely cheat if that's what he was fixing for already.
In our case, the advice to me would have been the same (had I actually confided in anyone about it). What I did instead was FLIP on his ASS and lay out the terms. I was going to give him a chance to come to his senses. I was also going to monitor all of his computer activity and watch him like a hawk until he proved himself trustworthy. It took me about a year to begin to trust him again.
Now I'm glad I did. He knows my position and understands very well that it's just not worth the risk of losing me. Our relationship is wonderful now and we've put the whole messy incident behind us.
You're situation isn't exactly the same, but I just wanted to lend you a bit of support and hope in case you're willing to forgive him and give him a chance. I decided with my heart and he stopped his nonsense when he realized what was at stake.
selkie
wow..to be honest I think the only reason I CAN even THINK about staying is he never met a girl in person..even though his INTENTIONS were there..beleive me I'm not fooling myself..but for the Grace of God it never happened..there was an intervention of a Higher Power on that one.
Yes..I'm done letting myself get walked on and used. Not to defend him but I dno't think he is consciously using me to take care of his son..he has said MANY times..if you can't do it..just tell me. I'll find someone else to watch him at night. He's never made an issue over that. But I'm the SM and so I should be the one watching him.
I think when I actually told FH that I could and would be out in two weeks it may have woken him up. Before I had always cried saying I have nowhere to go.
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
told ya....LOL
na na na na.....well for now anyway :)...enjoy yur weekend!!!
"there are three sides to every story....your side, my side and the truth :)"
I'm glad you're doing what's best for you
It warmed my heart what your ExH's wife said to you. I know that you would never take her up on that but it was really nice of her to offer. She must have known your heart was hurting really badly and she sounds like a nice woman.
Good luck sweetie, I hope everything goes well and that you aren't hurting for much longer.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
nymph
she is and I can only hope that my EH realized that and doesn't screw this one up (it's his 4th try)
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
Congrats Kaff. Keep up the good work on being assertive with FH
Most of us guys are trainable when you work with us long enough.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications)
Good job Kaff
I hope it works out the way you want!! That is a nice SM you have, too!
"It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it?"
- Eleanor H. Porter (1868 - 1920), 'Pollyanna', 1912