I'm not jumping to conclusions on that either. I'm saying that based on everything you've written about him.

I would say oh okay. Then follow him, hire a private eye to follow him, or even have a friend follow him!

I bet you'll find your hard evidence you need to finally realize what he's doing and walk out the door.

(((hugs)))

I'm really sorry you are still going through such a hard time.

~All you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust~

He should be doing everything in his power now to reassure, fresh start or not. Why can't you ride up with him? Or have him take the boys? What guy friend is he going with?

The thing is, he's going to cheat. If not now, then soon. If not soon, then later. And he has no regard for your feelings in the matter. Blaming his actions on you is a cowards way out. He was texting that girl with every intention of following thru, and you know that. There is nothing innocent about saying "I have a girl and kids, but I need more" and "second boyfriend" and "let's meet up" are NOT innocent. He didn't send her a text saying, "Hey you look nice today." No one can MAKE you cheat. I don't care how much you argue. Reading the crap you deal with, I'd argue too. If your arguing was a problem for him, then he should have been a man and said something. Not ran to some girl trying to hook up with her.

that you are considering hiring someone to follow him, or involving your friends, then it's time to go.

You're right, it's not healthy. And until and unless his attitude changes, your behavior will get progressively unhealthier.

But don't allow him to put the blame on you, emotional cheating to me is just as bad as physical!! IMO anyway.
"i dont want to keep bringing up that girl..im not meeting a girl. you can beleive what you want"???????
That would be his deal, In a marriage it is BOTH of your jobs to amke sure both parties feel safe, secure and appreciated! I say this from experience, I think our H's forget that we are women, and not just "their wives" they fail to remember that as "young" women we can and choose to be their wifes and can I will leave the minute we need or want to! If it were me if he calls or texts you again today, do not answer it, let him wonder where,who and what you are doing! Maybe he fails to remember as he is a "man" you are a desirable women and there maybe a man that would want you..... I am sorry I believe he should sit around and wonder what you can/could be doing!!! Only IMO though!

I refuse to allow SD/BM/or MIL to ruin my marriage! Thinkin about changing my name to "takencharge"

That so sucks. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sending you strength and postive energy.

if u can for a while....cuz once FH gets a taste of life without Kaff, he is either going to take it seriously and want to work things out or move on all together....at least then u will get the answer u need...it may not be the answer u want, but it will be the answer u need once and for all,,,if I could change this for u, u know I would in a hot second

"there are three sides to every story....your side, my side and the truth :)"

I know that each relationship is unique, but why don't you just leave?????

I've read your other blogs and you share enough information about your H to make me think that your insecurities are based on something stronger than intuition (and this is just what you share not what you don't share).

On another of your blogs you mentioned that you didn't post the good about H because this place is for venting, but it is also for advise.

From what YOU post it seems like you are miserable. I don't understand your situation or why you stay so I won't even bore you by saying I undersatnd.

In my situation my H was perusing women and trying to blame me. I also had a big problem with the BM because they talked way too much for comfort and he was secretive about their comminications.

What I will say is don't give out empty threats. If you make the threat mean it. I know I did. It was difficult, but I am better for not staying in a place where I wasn't a priority. And are you a priority to him? Are your feelings? Are you just saying that you accept your insecurity because he reminds you of being insecure all the time? Or are you a capable loving woman who deserves a man who is all her own? One that she doesn't have to share?

One can only hope!

Once a cheater always a cheater. You need to be happy and don't like anyone try to make things your fault. You are not even married and you are having problems. Fine someone who wants to be with you and things will be alot easier in life. Life is too short not to be happy.

Dr. Phil said it best (although I hate to admit it) when he said that "those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing." If he was really going where he said he was going, he has NO REASON to NOT be an open book about it.

He's defensive because he knows he's lying to you. DO NOT TRUST THIS MAN WITH ANYMORE OF YOUR HEART. Sorry if that was blunt.

i didnt read the other comments but... once you decide whats best for you, then you will feel alot better. i dont have trust issues and you can read my post about where fh and i stand. once when things were really bad, i realized that i wanted out. i some what withdrew, did things for my self, didnt drive myself crazy doing things around the house and things got better! i was like wow, fh really does want me here, because i finally realized that i was stressing out but when i with drew fh picked up the pieces. I suggest, think about all you can do for your self right now, for me i realized that i didnt have rent and could pay off my debt by living there with him. see how things go. if hes going to cheat, hes going to do it. i know its hard and its not right but, if he does then you know you can leave with out regrets!

I am so sorry that you're going through this. From everything that you have posted, it sounds like you have made a concerted effort to improve your relationship but he just hasn't. I would think that if he were sincere about proving to you that he loves you and wants to be with you that he would make more of an effort to show that he cares.

If you are always going to worry about where FH is and who he is with, then you need to leave. Yes, its hard as hell but this isn't healthy! You can't stay in a relationship/marriage where you are always an anxious wreck over what he could be doing now. Do you really want to live your life that way? You are a beautiful and strong woman. I'm sure that you can easily meet someone else who will appreciate you for who you are.

I agree with Joy. He's being secretive and hiding something. If he had nothing to hide, then he would have no problem telling you about his plans and who will be going and how long he'll be there, etc. But he's saying things like "believe what you want" and that just sets off my ick alert.

If your paying half the bills, why can't you leave and pay for yourself a small place. Do you have any money in your joint checking...take your share and run. As long as you are living there this will not go away...he will suck you back in. And it sounds like he doesn't really care about the relationship or you. Get out! Find a cheap hotel...anything!

Have you heard of the show Cheaters?? I would google them, and plead your case. Maybe they will take him on, and let you know once and for all. They get SOLID proof before telling the person being cheated on.

I wouldnt trust him at this point either. Dh screwed up while we were dating.. and to this day he knows I am skeptical of any plans he tells me about that dont include me. We have been married for over 4 yrs now.. So.. he shouldnt be surprised that you are skeptical. DuH!

I've looked over a few of the most recent posts and one of the things that I thought you might try was to get yourself ready to leave. Here's the thing... can you get yourself to a counselor? If you keep going back and forth, you will never be able to prepare yourself to leave and do what must be done. You need to clear your head and make up your mind. Stay ... or go. Once you make the decision - make your moves to act on it. You need to do this first and finally - to help yourself prepare and to help the children prepare and know what steps to take next.

Clearly, DH is not supporting you, or helping you to make this work. It seems as though you are doing all of the work, and he is doing what he always does. Now is not the time for him to go out on a Friday night without you. What you wrote to him was FAIR and reasonable. The way he responded was NOT. You admitted jealousy issues. He basically said "oh well". That is unacceptable.

The children are another matter. Especially ss. I feel for that kid and I hear you loud and clear that part of what is keeping you there is your ss. That child, more than the ss that stays with his mom, more than your own child... that child is the one that needs you to make your decision instead of going back and forth. (The reason I say that if it's not obvious, is that the ss with biomom will have biomom as always. Your child will go with you.) When you are trying to work things out, you bond, when you are trying to leave, you are disengaging from this child. Please help yourself and this child by making your decision.

If you want to stay, then get a counselor and find ways to cope with your FH's behavior. It might not be the wisest choice, and definitely won't be easy. And, the real question is, can you live that way?

If you want to go, then get yourself prepared, financially, emotionally, etc. and take the steps to help ss not feel completely abandoned.

I do not know you or your DH or your situation enough to say either way. It would irresponsible of me to give that advice based on only your input. Only you know what your decision will be. Not what it SHOULD be... but what it WILL be. Make that decision and move forward with it. For more than a day.

Good luck and I hope - no matter what you decide - I hope it works out the best for you.

I would rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I am not.

but have you considered other options? When I left my ex husband, I left with my two children, our cloths, some toys and my photo albums. I put my children and I in a HomeStay suite( it had two double beds a small loveseat, small kitchen and one bathroom) for about 3 months. I had to drive my children to and from their schools, but that was a small price to pay for getting the three of us out of the unhealthy enviroment my ex had created. It is hard sweetie, but it can be done. At 3 and half months, I had put enough aside to put our deposit and first months rent down on an apartment. I will never regret doing it that way, my kids and I drew closer together and I never relized how much seeing me in pain with the ex affected my kids, they have said our walking out like that 6 years ago was the best thing I ever did for all of us.