Well, if you guys have gotten along so well, what makes you think he'd fight it? And what makes you think he'd win? He's 3 hours away, so it's not like he can keep them in the same schools or something, they'd be moving either way. And he's chosen himself to live far from them throughout their lives, so it's not like the long-distance thing is new. Do you think he'd alienate/bribe the kids to live with him?

ETA: Also, if you think he might fight it, don't tell him now. Just make the plans to move as you always have in the past when DH got orders - and he'll have a harder time fighting it if you've moved already.

Your ex would have a very slim chance of winning even if he was in your district. Military moves are almost always approved even if it affects 50/50 custody. Given that he's moving 3 hours away, it changes nothing. The worst that might happen is you might be required to pay for transportation.

Oh geeze. You do not need  this on your plate.

Its unlikely xdh will meet criteria for custody change. Especially since the kids want to stay put with you. There is zero abuse and zero neglect.  Totally different outcome IF IF IF there was a history of dad pulling the alienation cards over the years and kids would testify against you in court. .  I don't see that here, you're very fortunate.

He would look like a ninny in court if he tried to.

PS. The ex should stay to 26 ---just saying Maybe he has a GS job in the wings ???

PSS---love love love Charleston

There is nothing worse than worrying about something that is not in your control. Is this going to happen, or is this going to happen.You are worrying about something that might not even happen. But then again you are a Mum and your kids are your life. I get that. And respect you for that too. Either you are going to agonize over this for 7 months or you are going to realize there is nothing you can do right now. There is an old saying, I will cross that bridge when I get to it. I don't think your ex will do this anyway because of their age. But I get your concern. It will all work it self out when that time comes. 

If you guys have a sound relationship, just go talk to him in person and go with the notion of solving this problem together. If he is a reasonable human being he should understand. 

Did I read it right that exh and his wife want to move to SC when you do? If yes, and your relationship is good, why not ask him to put his move plans on hold til you find out where you guys will be going next.  And he can decide if he wants still move back to previous location, closer to your new future location, or just head straight to SC and wait for ya'll to join them.

I'm not a BM, yet, so maybe it is easy for me to say this, but ultimately, the choice should be up to your kids. They are old enough now that they may have a preference on where they would like to live. They may want the stability of being in one place after years of being part of a traveling military family...and 3 hours is likely a lot closer to where you are now than your DH's future location. They may also want to try living full-time with their dad. They may not. He may offer up his home to them and they may say no for reasons that have nothing to do with you or with him. Ultimately, though, as teens, they deserve the opportunity to make that choice without worrying about hurting mom or dad's feelings.

Ultimately, when you're a divorced parent, you have to let go of controlling everything about your children, because the other parent has just as much right to be a parent as you do. This is not meant to be harsh or critical, but I think it's a reality that many divorced parents don't accept. This decision isn't about you, it's about your kids, but you view it as "losing" your kids, making it ultimately about you.

Your ExH may or may not tell the kids they are welcome to live with him, but if he does, my advice to you would be to not try to sway your kids. This would mean that you'd either have to keep your feelings to yourself or tell them that you would be sad if they didn't live with you, but you'd support them in whatever choice they made. It will be difficult, but your kids don't belong to you, they belong to themselves and they should be allowed to make the choice on their own. In reality, kids don't ever "belong" to their parents, even when their parents stay married, it's just that married parents don't typically have to contend with changing circumstances, like children deciding to move out of their home.

If you have a good relationship with your ExH and your children, you will all survive and be fine, even if one or both of your kids decides to move in with their dad.

I think a lot of the conflict many divorced parents have is that one or both of them feel that they have a right to "control" or "own" what the children do, even when the children are with the other parent. I know in my case, when we moved closer to SSs, BM started telling them "your dad is trying to take you away from me" and then they didn't want to even come to our home, because they were so afraid. She also tries to dictate everything that goes on in our home when they are with us. That is her way of making sure they never feel comfortable enough or view DH as enough of a parent to ever feel as if our house is their home. That means that even though DH and I have been married for almost 5 years, SSs are EOWE houseguests at best. They come to our home, they demand to be entertained and accomodated, they tell DH all the things that "mom says" he should be doing and then they leave. It's miserable and we are not a family. DH feels marginalized as a parent, because he has been by BM. I'm not saying that you do that, but I'm saying that you have to be careful to not create the idea in your children's minds that they belong with you and their dad is not a full parent and his home is not their home.

Please calm down. You shouldn't stress over what you can't control, I've learned that over and over again.

If you have been making it work up to now there is no reason to think you won't be able to make it work when it actually happens.