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Is it time for a nervous breakdown yet?

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 03/29/2022 - 12:18pm

In the last week:

1) Our older (paid off) SUV broke down. It is at the shop and we are pretty sure it is just time to take it out back and shoot it and buy a new vehicle. Not that big of a deal except...

2) DH wanted to take down a medium size tree in the backyard and took out most of our deck plus a bunch of other damage. The whole house will need to be resided now. Homeowners insurance is covering most of it so it isn't the end of the world except...

3) We still have no resolution on the 32K money grab from BM2, which would just be frustrating except...

4) There is a really good chance that DH is going to have orders out of here by the end of the summer and we have no idea where. If it is to Japan, I will likely be on my own for the next 2 years since the ship he would be moving to would be scheduled to leave Japan within 18 months and move to a deployment. So we can meet up on the west coast eventually. We could also wind up in NY, SC, CA or WA but it isn't looking like we would stay here. So, who knows how long it will take me to find a new job and taking on all of these expenses when we don't know what anything is going to look like in the next 6 months is terrifying! 

Can I have that breakdown now, or do I need to have one more thing? I thought this s*** was supposed to happen in 3's! Is there 2 more?? I can't handle 2 more!

 

Comments

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 03/29/2022 - 1:35pm

YES! I told him not to. I reminded him that my BIL used to have a tree business and could come over and help, we just needed to plan it with him. I DONE TOLD HIM!

Although, let me tell you... DH has never been so sweet to me. He is a good man, but I am talking rubbing my feet, filling up my gas tank, cleaning the kitchen... and the bedroom! Whooo! He can smash a deck anytime LOL!

halo1998's picture

Submitted by halo1998 on Wed, 03/30/2022 - 6:16am

only they "don't got it".    :)  Well at least it was just your house.  Our neighbor did that with a 75 foot oak tree...and promptly took out the neighbors 6 month old honda civic.  Flattend that sucker....and earned himself a visit from the local police.  

So how long does the "oh crap my wife was right" moment last.....:)

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Submitted by NotYourAverageS... on Tue, 03/29/2022 - 1:45pm

Men can be so stubborn about trying to do certain things themselves that they should hire someone with professional experience to do. 

I am not envious of all the up in the air issues you have going on. Personally, I never wanted to be a military wife because of all the moving around. Hopefully it at least is not Japan so you are not on your own for the next 2 years! 

Hoping all this can be resolved soon especially the CS issue so you can at least figure out your financial situation as a whole.

queensway's picture

Submitted by queensway on Tue, 03/29/2022 - 2:14pm

You don't need the breakdown now but you do need one more thing. You need to know everything that is happening right now will work its way out. You will be fine, even better than you feel today. I know this is a lot to deal with but we all have ups and downs. Look ahead for better days. You will get thru this and a new deck too! HUGS

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Tue, 03/29/2022 - 3:36pm

your way!  I hope the BM's case for the money grab gets thrown out.   As for guy bravado,  Chef has it in SPADES.  Of course he is EXTREMELY talented in all things construction and trades including tree removal, however he will hire out if it is a huge tree in a precarious situation aka bordering the next door's property.   But yeah, he is ALWAYS pushing the envelope and doing stuff I would never do in an attempt to defy physics.

I hear you on the white elephant vehicle.  We have one of those (Dodge Caravan-aka Chef's work vehicle for a little over a year)

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 03/29/2022 - 3:59pm

The mechanic actually just called and it is 2K to fix, which is totally doable and worth not having another car payment! So at least one of my worries is better!

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Wed, 03/30/2022 - 6:43am

Is there a realistic option for you to stay put where you are if he is sent somewhere "temporarily".. ie for a couple of years?  With your current custody situation with your child.. your older SS.. it seems like right now would be a bad time to try to make changes... and if he is going to be off on a ship the majority of the time.. does it really matter where you are?  You can certainly fly to see him for some long visits during this time.. right?

I'm sorry about the breakdown... I just sold my car to Carmax and the new car I'm planning on getting is not at the dealership yet.. maybe not for a month.. and I am driving my DH's truck (he has been working out of town).. and his truck has a few annoying issues.. it sputters when you mash the gas too hard.. no radio.. and the other day I pull into the drive and all of a sudden I smell antifreeze and see steam coming out from under the hood.  YIKES.. turns out when he replaced a water pump.. he lost the coolant hose clip to the reservoir.. so my McGuyver of a husband had just fixed it with a lot of black tape wraps.. and apparently.. after 10K miles.. the fix gave up.. so I had to order the clips.. and fix the hose myself while he was still out of town.. we don't have another spare and I drive 4 hours every day I go into work.. so.. yeah.. not super comfortable driving his truck that isn't exactly right.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 03/30/2022 - 7:09am

Moving this summer would be ideal for my kids and as long as we stay in the US it won't be an issue. Their dad is still out of state, our visitation would just revert back to our previous order from when he was across the country. I doubt there would even be a fight. The kids SM is still active duty so there in no guarantee that she is going to stay where she is either. Both families being military helps with this stuff.

BD will be starting high school and BS will be entering his Jr. year. So it is better this summer than next for both of them. With regards to SS21, he will come with us as long as we are in the US, he wouldn't be able to travel with us abroad so I don't know what we would do in that instance. I'm not prepared to dump him on family either. 

DH said last night that when we go back to court, he isn't going to ask for any make up time. That the reality is he doesn't want SS17 in our home and doesn't trust him. Between punching a hole in our wall and getting picked up by the cops last time he was here and the time before when visiting family friends of BM's getting black out drunk- we just don't need him in our house. So SS17 isn't even a factor in the move- just his mom's money grab. 

I am just glad that our SUV is going to be fine. Even if it's only for 6mo-year, it is worth getting it fixed until we know what is happening. 

I talked to the lawyer yesterday. He said he was going to get a court date by today for us. He said go ahead and buy a car. I told him that I can't. That DH was literally having a panic attack every time I try to bring it up. He asked me "When does life not work out?" , I said "Every single time we walk into the court room with you". "Ouch, that really hits hard and you are right" he said. 

No kidding. I told him that I didn't blame him, it really is the system and I don't know what he could have done much different. But it is what it is and we can't just trust that it will be ok.