Count me OUT, ultimatum for DH
After the recent events of SD and her deciding to not come yet again on DH weekend because she won't get to see SIL , I have decided to have a serious talk with DH. I am telling DH in very few words that I am disengaging from SD. I do not appreciate being treated like we don't matter and discarded, yet she likes to play games with others and make it seem like DH is not there for her and that we leave her out. DH can continue to play her game but I am not! I spend $70 on her birthday outing , I always make sure to have her favorite snacks here for her ( when she use to come) I wash her clothes , I even tried to have a heart to heart talk with her in attempt to bridge any hard feelings . I bought her new bed set and pillows for her after MIL basically wasted her money getting her own bed, SD still does not come over . I am not doing anymore and if she ever wants to know why I have no problem telling her . I am going to offer DH advice to back off SD until she can prove she wants to be part of our family but again it's up to home I am keeping myself out . She is a selfish , self centered little brat. I hope MIL sees this as well since they always get her expensive gifts. I am gonna tell DH from now on when MIL or SIL ask "where is SD" he needs to stop making excuses for SD and tell them SD didn't want to come because this is the truth .
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Yes definitely stop doing
And definitely talk with DH and stop protecting poor pincess SD14. Tell the truth of things.
I wish that had happened with SD24 Feral Forger who cries and whines that DH doesnt chase her sorry self, and calls him "just the sperm donor".
I think you're right to tell
I think you're right to tell your DH how you feel and for you to set boundaries around what you will participate in.
However, I think you'll get a bad reaction if you tell him his child is a spoiled brat or try to tell him what he needs to do. By setting a boundary, you make it his problem and not yours. Actions typically influence men better than words or ultimatums.
I can tell you're frustrated and hurt. For that I am so sorry.
Yea I wouldn't say that to
Yea I wouldn't say that to him about SD, and yea I'm gonna offer advise and point of what the problem is and what it is causing . I stopped trying to tell him what to do about SD a while back. Now MIL is chiming in and saying that he could have left SD at their house , that's part of the problem. I dunno why Sad receives special treatment or has to be separated from our house ! Ugh . If they want SD to come so bad they can make the 3 hour trip to get her . DH isn't gonna be her Uber
As her family- it's easier
As her family- it's easier for MIL and SIL to look at SD like a victim than an asshole. Doesn't make it right or appropriate and IMO- will turn SD into more of an asshole because they allow her to get away with it (and reinforce it through special attention).
Yup true. I have also told DH
Yup true. I have also told DH I do not like the special attention, the special vacations and such that SD received . But I can't control his family , but from now on I'm gonna suggest that DH be honest with them when they ask "where is SD" or "why are there no photos of SD" he needs to tell them straight up " she didn't want to come " or "she is never around for photos " maybe slowly they will start to get the idea . And we are gonna go to DH aunts house tomorrow where SIL and MIL will be , this was suggested by DH lol . We are gonna go early in the day because we do not want to drive at night . And if anyone says will you told SD this and that.... I'll go a say " well if SD would have came anyways then she would be here, but she made her choice" and be done with it . Going into the New Year I will not have a relationship with someone who doesn't want a relationship with me .
I couldn't agree more. I have
I couldn't agree more. I have zero relationship with SS16. None. We don't talk whatsoever and he's here 50% of his life.
I'd straight up ignore and be
I'd straight up ignore and be unbothered af!
You don't need the SD validation, visits, approval...
These kids be on whole nother levels with their pissy attitudes ...
They give bare minimal respect...I'm giving just barely above CPS report level parenting
Yea I was doing this and Sad
Yea I was doing this and Sad complained to DH that we have no relationship. So I stepped it up and would plan her b day parties, do special things with her , had a talk with her . I didn't realize she was just playing the same game she did with DH. She just wants the attention without having to do anything . She didn't change towards me so I will go back to ignoring her
lucky escape
I would be happy with her not coming over. Sounds like she is giving you what you want. I will never understand why bio parents cant see their kids behavior for what it is. My wife and I are teachers and always on the same page with students but her own kids can be so spoiled and entitled.
I would be more happy if she
I would be more happy if she stopped with the guilting DH and the "poor me" episodes. If she didn't come and also didn't feel the need to cry to BM in order to guilt DH I would be good with that. I think this last tIme DH is starting to see it, sometimes I have to point it out to him like " DH, SD says she misses you but yet again she refuses to come see you, answer your calls and text" and he is like , you know what that is true I agree.
Be honest
This is the way you feel. You have an RIGHT to feel this way. You have a right to disengage.. You are doing so. You understand SD is not going to change. And you are taking control of your and DH life. You are a person too.
I was very honest with DH, he
I was very honest with DH, he said he agreed . I am not sure if he will follow through with what needs to happen