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The Talk

JustAgirl42's picture

Submitted by JustAgirl42 on Tue, 04/01/2014 - 6:17pm

SD turned 10 a couple of months ago. She started getting hair in her pubic region about a year and a half ago. OMG, they start so early these days! She's now sprouting out a bit up top too (boobs, not hair, hehe). I told FDH somebody better have a talk with her soon about her changing body and what could come next...especially since blood freaks her out!

I don't think BM has brought the subject up with SD and I doubt she will anytime soon. BM has trouble talking about intimate things. For instance, my FDH told me that one time he said the word 'penis' in front of her and she said 'eewww, don't say that word!'. :?

BM also refers to SD's vagina as her 'sisser', and asks her, "Dolly, (yes, she calls her Dolly) do you have to make 'sissy'? - meaning, do you have to pee? BM doesn't even let her wear deodorant, so poor SD has to walk around with BO when she's not with us.

Anyhoo, the point of all of this was to ask you ladies if you think I should be there when FDH talks to SD about menstruation and how to handle it, plus breast and bras etc.?

I don't want to overstep, and I think FDH can handle it, but what if she has questions he can't answer, or he gives her some wrong information?

I guess he can start out alone with her and then tell her that she can come to me if she has any questions and is comfortable about it?

Comments

RainbowsAndDaisies's picture

Submitted by RainbowsAndDaisies on Tue, 04/01/2014 - 7:00pm

I would have DIED if my dad tried to have the talk with me. Can't you enlist some girl friends of yours that she's comfortable with and you guys do it? Or an older female cousin? Even a grandma?

JustAgirl42's picture

Submitted by JustAgirl42 on Tue, 04/01/2014 - 8:02pm

Actually, there isn't anyone she's more comfortable with than her dad. He was a single dad from the day she was born, with 50/50. FDH and BM split before SD was born. So it was just the two of them for years before I came along. He did all the dressing, bathing, etc. And it really hasn't been that long since she's stopped being naked around him.

He really makes it easy for her to talk to him about things because he uses so much humor. So, I'll read some more replies and we'll see how things go.

Thanks

ETA: I NEVER talked about any of this stuff with my dad either! Although, after my parents divorced, I only saw him about once a week.

snoopyinoz's picture

Submitted by snoopyinoz on Tue, 04/01/2014 - 7:18pm

Personally if she's there all the time, I'd say just have the talk with her. (Now some schools cover that in health class. SD9 actually just had the permission slip sent home today, but we've already been over that in my house) as for BM....she needs to grow up. What does she do? Send HER SO to buy her "ponys for her sisser?"

JustAgirl42's picture

Submitted by JustAgirl42 on Tue, 04/01/2014 - 8:07pm

Haaaa!

BM doesn't have a SO - surprise surprise!

I can't believe they haven't covered this in her school yet, being that so many girls start sooo early these days. I guess it will be next year, but we don't want to take any chances that she may start before that and then think something's wrong with her.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 04/01/2014 - 7:20pm

Maybe you can be in the other room in case they want to call you in to join the conversation.

I get what Rainbows is saying but he is her dad, he should be able to talk to her and hopefully, she will feel comfortable talking to him in the future if she needs to, if you get my drift. I would rather it be him than someone who refers to the vagina as "sisser" and pee as "sissy".

These kinds of things did not embarrass my SD at all and she's fairly shy. When she started her period, she jumped in the car when DH picked her up that weekend and said, "Guess what? I started my period." No biggie. I mean, he obviously knows about periods and such, he's lived with women (has 3 sisters), been married, and has 2 daughters.

JustAgirl42's picture

Submitted by JustAgirl42 on Tue, 04/01/2014 - 8:15pm

That's where I'll be...in the other room! FDH said he'll tell her that she can talk to me if she wants to.

I think you're right, she'll probably be o.k. with her dad. FDH was laughing while telling me how BM would probably refer to her period as her 'special friend'. Yeah, who knows what other 'terms' she would use to describe her menstrual cycle.

Thanks for your feedback!

Starla's picture

Submitted by Starla on Tue, 04/01/2014 - 7:26pm

I'd get her a book or two from the library. If you go into too many details on your own, it can backfire but I don't suggest that you leave it to her dad either on your terms. Just my opinion and I have no bio kids of my own.

JustAgirl42's picture

Submitted by JustAgirl42 on Tue, 04/01/2014 - 9:27pm

He has an age appropriate book that he's going to have her look at while they discuss things.

JustAgirl42's picture

Submitted by JustAgirl42 on Wed, 04/02/2014 - 8:05am

We can't let that happen, it's not fair to SD just cause BM is prudish. He'll be talking with her this weekend.

JustAgirl42's picture

Submitted by JustAgirl42 on Wed, 04/02/2014 - 8:15am

Biggrin

Thanks.

I guess most feel that it wouldn't be out of line if she should want to talk to me. If I were a bio-mom (I can't call myself a'BM' Blum 3 ) I would probably not like an ex's SO to have this talk with my daughter, but I also wouldn't have a problem doing it myself!

askYOURdad's picture

Submitted by askYOURdad on Wed, 04/02/2014 - 8:22am

I think you should sit in on the talk. If dad can handle it, it won't matter that you don't speak up. Chances are, she won't have questions right then, but might have more in a few days. If you are there, even if you don't add much, she might feel comfortable coming to you down the road if it's something she can't ask mom and would be embarrassed to ask dad.

The book is a great tool, glad your DH has it ready.