Resentment
I have not been on here in such a long time but tonight I really need to vent. My SS15 has been so nice & polite to me for a very long time now. He likes to help around the house & spend time talking with me. We have finally developed a good relationship, even exchanging occasional hugs. I guess it's true thou that you should be careful what you wish for. He loves it here so much that he is here EVERY weekend. He is here all day & night on Sunday every Sunday in addition to alternating Fri/ Sat nights. He is so smart in school but has no friends he likes to hang with. His life is school and for fun, video games. He's a good kid and I'm not complaining about that and I'm thankful for our relationship bc it was a long painful road. I just wish at this point in his life he had some friends to spend time with on the weekends. Im feeling selfishly resentful that he spends all of his weekend time here not leaving much QT time for me & DH who both work full time. Currently I have loads of energy and am stuck sitting in the house with SS & DH watching tv listening to SS make commentary on EVERYTHING. Could I go into another room? Sure. Could I go out myself? Sure. But I miss my DH and this is the time I get to spend with him. I'm just wondering when DH & I might be able to spend more time together. I've really had it with this every weekend BS.
- June's blog
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Comments
Choose weekends ahead of time
Choose weekends ahead of time and "book off" tell SS and BM that you and DH will not be home on x y and z and to figure it out. whether you two are actually home or not is irrelevant. you two can finally have some quiet alone time!
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your comment. It's nice to know I'm not alone! I keep thinking to my self, some day he will have so meny other things to do & will prob almost never come over ( which is what has happened to SS19) & at that point I'll prob miss seeing him. Hard to believe at this point but I'll hang in there- you do the same!!
It is great that you have a
It is great that you have a good relationship with him, but he is 15. Why can't you and DH go out when he is there?
My brother was the same way.
My brother was the same way. There were other kids in the class who liked to play games. My mom invited them over (kinda bribing them with a new game) and my bro eventually made friends with these guys.
It won't work if your SS is completely repellent, but it sounds like he might just be shy...
I totally get how you feel.
I totally get how you feel. My ss15 has only gone over to bm's 3 times in the 4 years that dh and I have been together. My ds14 is the only one of our 3 teens who goes to see bd eow, the other two boys, ss15 and bs17 are here all the time. We have everyone go somewhere, whether to friends or to bd, one night a month so dh and I can have the house to ourselves. Unfortunately the past couple of times has not worked out b/c once ss15's friend got sick and the other time bs17's friend bailed on him. Yup it's hard to find that time alone with teens in the house. Also another thing is I have set up ss15's room with his computer on a desk and tv/xbox live account so that he is mostly out of my hair. For a long time he had the xbox downstairs in the rec room next to the kitchen and he'd talk loudly and swear and chatter nonsense to his buddies and it drove me NUTS. I know it's not good for kids to be in their rooms so much but he's not my spawn so why do I care what's good for him, that's his dad's prob and if his dad is working all the time and I want the house to myself then I have to do what I can for survival!! Also what ever happened to parents being able to tell kids to go to their rooms or go outside to play or whatever. I remember my mom always telling us kids to GO PLAY. Now I totally get why she was always saying that, kids can sure drive a woman batty and we were mom's birth kids. As a matter a fact I also remember my parents letting us kids sit around for a bit talking in the livingroom and then my dad would say, "ok, it's adult time for visiting now" and we'd all leave. Parents were so much more in control and kids were so much more respectful in generations gone by. I wish it was still like that. Maybe we can demand it more often! Wouldn't that shock the skids hey?
My daughter seemed to prefer
My daughter seemed to prefer to spend time with me and dh or her grandparents when she was 15, and I despaired of her ever getting a social life and going off to do her own thing. She had friends at school but none of them lived that close and they rarely did anything together on evenings and weekends. Once she got a bit older and started college she made new friends and started getting a social life but as she was under 18 and her friends were a bit older, she couldn't go out to bars with them as she wanted to. Once she turned 18 there was no stopping her and now at 20, she has her own place and a great social life so even if your ss is a bit slow at developing his own social life, he will probably get there eventually. Someone suggested he could be shy which might well be the case, and the idea of getting him an xbox live subscription is a good one as it would encourage him to talk to people online and get him out of your hair!