Background: My parents were married for 18 years and divorced when we were; baby sis 5, me10, older sis15. We are now baby sis31, me36, older sis41. About 2 or 3 years after my parents’ divorce my dad married my SM. My father did not leave my mother for SM (they have now been married longer than my parents were). Although I do believe my dad cheated I do not believe it is the only reason he left my mother. I think they were not compatible. My mother was a very religious woman (my dad not so much). I do not have enough time to go into details about all of the PAS but to help you put it into perspective my mom used to tell us that according to the bible my dad was still married to her because she did not commit adultery (the only grounds for divorce listed in the bible). She used to tell random people this until I got tired of it as a teenager and told her how crazy it sounded.

We were not allowed to accept any gifts from my SM or allowed to go visit with my dad or SM. Gifts were either destroyed or we were never told about them. To this day my SM will mention things she bought us as kids and we have no clue what she’s talking about. We were told growing up that my dad had left us and that was why life was so hard and that my dad was off living this new and improved life with SM. The couple of times my dad tried my mom would pack us dirty clothes and rant and rave about how terrible they were and how they were probably doing drugs and all sorts of ungodly things (my dad was a cop – my SM was a pharmaceutical rep). My dad stopped pushing the overnight visits. He would in turn come to my mother’s home every Saturday (my SM was a saint) and spend the day with us. As we got older we would meet him a local restaurant for dinner. He was always a phone call away and we knew that and we also knew the situation. My mom would wake us up at 2 in the morning, sit at the foot of our beds and cry her eyes out and tell us about every problem, every issue and everything she could think of regarding our father.

We in turn were not the nicest Skids to my SM. There were times when we would ignore her. We would report back to our mother anything we thought was of interest when we would visit (no overnights). We took her Christmas gifts as we got older and never got her anything, ate this woman’s food and never gave her a thank you (we thought she owed us), took her money when we were in need and acted like it just came from dad. You get the picture. While we were not outright rude we made sure she knew she was not our mother because we knew that this would please our mother. You know MOTY. . .

But guess what kids grow up and they start making and forming their own decisions. Once we were out of mother’s house we could start seeing clearly and seeing our dad and in a roundabout way our SM on our own terms. My dad wasn’t such a bad guy after all. He’s funny, and loving, and kind you just want to hug him up all the time. My SM is smart as a whip and holds nothing back (I kind of like this about her). She calls a spade a spade and keeps it moving. LOL! But she’s hung in there even when we were terrible! She is an only child and has no children of her own. WE ARE HER FAMILY. They have been there for every bump and bruise we’ve gotten on the road called life.

The sisters . . . .my older sister and I have thrived. She’s a traveling nurse (RN), I am a marketing specialist for a restaurant company (600 locations). While we aren’t rich we are doing ok. I actually bought a house one house down from dad and SM so that my BS13 could be close to his grand pa (this was before DH and I got married) and my older sister is also looking for a house in the area. My younger sister on the other hand seems to be stuck at 16. . .remember she’s 31 now! Dead end job, piece of junk car, baby daddy drama. . .you name it. Over the years we have all pulled together to help baby sis out but I think we are all being taken advantage of especially DAD  . She has pulled so much crap over this holiday season to hurt all of us . . .(she’s got a new boyfriend and has been causing fights to get out of family functions). Some of the stuff is just unbelievable. We have not even opened Christmas gifts yet because her daughter was with her father and would not come back until tonight so we held off on Christmas dinner and presents until we could all be together. She uses my dad and my SM as babysitters all the time but as soon as someone says (SM) something she doesn’t like she withholds my niece from them. My dad walks on egg shells when she’s around because he doesn’t want to upset her. My SM ain’t holding back and it gets her in trouble with my dad. He throws the lines on her (she and I talked) . . .the main one, “you just don’t like her”. My sister lies so much she can’t even keep her lies straight. She’s a FACEBOOK mother and that’s about it. I hate that a 31 almost 32 year old woman is blaming her state in life on my dad and my SM and it looks as if my dad is feeling guilty. Every time my sister gets like this she calls in her confidant . . .MY MOTHER and the bashing begins!

How can I help him?? What do I say??