Too many bad things today.

Started the day with finding out my "job description changed. It was a sign the new change or lose a job today. I signed even though with the changes they made, i am now open to being documented out the door.

It was added that i am responcibile for making 95% sales goal..which isnt ridiculous but it is when the company tanked last year and every store has been stru/lling.
I also have to make 95 % production quota. Which not a problem made that plus some except friday at 4pm..my quotas were changed and retroactive for the month...and impossible to make up.

I have possible weeks left at my job. I am pretty sick about it and while the documention i have about quotas changing the last week of the month for the whole month and i may be able to get unemployment
.i am stil out a job i have had for 5 years. I helped my store become a million dollar store in less then 2 years. That is great for thrift.

Anyway then bfs brother called to tell me to call bf out of work because his other brothers girlfriend OD'd and died. We only met the girl once..and while its sad she died , its not something we neednto call out of work for. Brother had several familiy members there with him already, mom gpop, uncles. None of which work so you know they can . Well this turns into a fight with bf and i of course.

I had asked all weekend for him to step up around the house..he didnt. Our one twin has possible autism and just got the call his special instruction teacher wants to start tomorrow. Great my house is a wreck. I call bf to have him do something anything to get ready for that, the house is trashed. He indtead says he wants to go play pool woth his brother. He wants to wait til i get home at 9pm from work to go. He first complains that something always comes up wjen he wants to do something fun and is generally shitty about getting stuff picked up first. I tell him ny friend is stopping by to drop stuff off for the twins and i could ask her to stay til i get home so he can just go then around 630.

That isnt good enough. He gets shitty again because they didnt even want to go out until 9 so why would he go now. I tell him of he wanted to be there for his damn brother ,i found a way so he could have even MORE time and he is being a dick. Then he says well i have no $.i said well okay....guess you cant drink. He says he doesnt have gas either. He insists he has to buy something out.

I kinda lose my cool and scream at him reminding him i just found out ill be losing my job so we cant spend a bunch of money at the bar.

He apoligizes and he stops by my work for $. We combine money but into my account because he is truly shitty with money.

Well he went out came home and my friend helped me get the twins to bed. He comes home around midnight. Wakes me up stomping upstairs. We talk a bit go to sleep..

So why am i up at 3am? The twin who sleeps closest to him was screaming his head off. Theu still do not sleep through the night and require a drink to go back to sleep.broke them of milk habit now have to try to kick the water sippy habit.

Anyway, that baby starts crying i go to get him because bf isnt waking, then the twin sleeping closest to me is crying so i yell to bf to wake up and help settle them. He doesnt wake up even through the screaming and me yelling his name. I throw a pillow at him and he freaks out why the fuck am i doing that, im exaggerating trying to get him up and......i should have just got both twins a bottle my damn self instead of trying to wake him to help out.

I asked him why he had to be such an asshole and he said that no i am an asshole..like my personality all the time is just an asshole and he went back to sleep.

I just fucking cant with him anymore.

If i wanted to just do it myself..id be single. We had decided when the twins were a few months old that he would get ip and help..each parent has a baby thats "theirs" for the night. We got to that when i had a breakdown because he was not helping me at all when they were first home.

Our relationship has just been total shit since the end of my pregnancy.

He is mad I've disengaged with his daughter but has not made much change to improve things like his own parenting.

Ive tried. I feel like this has all been such a mistake having kids with him. This isnt what we had talked about before i got prego. We didnt plan on having twins. I wouldnt trade my boys for anything but it has just wrecked us. Theres alot i could put up with before kids that i cannot now .

I need a partner. I am exhausted. I am fucking stuck now that ill be out of a job soon..my own manager doesnt see how i can turn things around at my store besides what ive already been doing! He even told me we are basically sunk but thanked me for all that i have done and sticking it out as long as i have after half of management got fired last year.

I know that come morning bf is going to act like i am overreacting and will claim he doesnt remember what he said tonight. Its now 4 and ill be up at 5 making sure he gets up because im guessing he had a bit much to drink while he was out and will not hear his alarm...and we cannot afford for him to miss time.

I hate feeling this alone..with this huge weight on me...while my supposed partner sleeps soundly without a care because i am such a big asshole that will work it out myself.