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Feeling a little hurt by SD

jlot's picture

Submitted by jlot on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 11:19am

Sad I am feeling a little down today and I really shouldn’t take some of this personally, but I just want to get it out – 

I have a SD11 – I have been in her life since she was 8. She has sent me mother’s day cards and spoke at our wedding about being excited to call me “mom”. I do a lot of things for her – I take her scrapbooking, swimming, movies with my friends, I have brought her to dinner with my girlfriends so she can enjoy a girls night out with us, my DH and I include her in a lot of concerts we go to (We love live music), I take her for manicures/pedicures, I give her all my clothes when I don’t wear them or they are too small to begin with –  (which are usually new and she loves them), I let her use my make-up (for special occasions like her dance recital), I borrow her books, movies, etc. Let’s just say, I am willing to help her when needed and I try very hard to make time with us enjoyable. This past week she was at camp, and she sent letters to our house talking about how awesome it was (I am glad for her). She sent one letter to her dad and the other to her 3 year old sister…no mention of me, not a word and she brought them both a gift when she returned. I know she is 11, but that sort of hurt a little. Right after this incident, she made a couple jabs at me in front of family (she likes to point out when I am doing something she finds annoying). I am just annoyed and my feelings are a little hurt. (Silly, I know)…It makes it hard to enjoy any time with her. I was a girl at that age and I know it’s hard, but really, I think she is doing this on purpose. She also likes to argue with me over everything…she can’t just chill. Her mom is very similar, likes to point out when she thinks people are wrong, it’s annoying and it makes me not want to spend time with her. Ugh, needed a vent session.

Comments

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 11:45am

Be prepared for it to get worse. They hit about 13 and become total pains in the ass. Bio or step. Doesn't matter just complete pains. My SD14 was the same way. I did everything and she treated me like crap. When I stopped doing anything with her, she became even worse. Now she lives with BM and we spend money on lawyers still trying to make DH happy. Personally, I think she and BM need a good swift kick in the pants. Good luck.

Bonus Wife's picture

Submitted by Bonus Wife on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 11:55am

Hi! I am soo sorry too. I love my SD17 (in spite of the fact that she IS a self centered person. I'd do anything for her and her siblings, and just constantly get "excluded"
Wasn't allowed to escort her and get announced at a school function, but she had her bio parents AND her brother do it as a family...She said no offense to me, nothing personal but she just wanted her "real" family to walk with her. Then, she goes to apply for college, and brings back my DH a shirt and not me, etc. etc. etc. My hubby doesn't seem to educate her on proper etiquette, he makes excuses for her inconsiderate behavior and never comes to my defense. Tells me to not be so sensitive, and to be less selfish! All I expect is the same respect and kindness I gave them....So, please my friend, hang in there...We'll be married 4 years this week and so far I regret becoming part of the stepfamily world every single day.

We don't start off being bitter, resentful, evil stepmoms...but we do become that way by being treated like non-entities....
Hugs,
Bonus Wife.

jlot's picture

Submitted by jlot on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 11:58am

Thanks all for the help and kind words....none of my friends are step parents and they don't get how hard it is...my husband doesn't really get it either - he says: It's hard being a parent and at that age that's how they treat their parents...I have to tell him often, it's different for him, she is his and I feel like I am doing a thankless job at less than minimum wage.. Smile Thanks again all for listening!

Decieved's picture

Submitted by Decieved on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 1:09pm

:sick: I have a 27yo SD who is a total spoiled brat. Unfortunately for the past 10 years that I have been with her father (married for 3) I was totally blind to her true feelings for me. Just before I married her Father, she asked him to finance her dream business. He did his best, but every week she was asking for more. I believed in her, and loaned her a large sum of money from my own account. She tearfully thanked me, promising to pay back every penny. We have a signed agreement for a five year loan. She has not paid back a dime to date. Recently in a fit of anger, she let me (and all of those around us) know just how she felt about me, and it was absolutely disgusting. This has caused great turmoil between H and I, and now she refuses to pay back the loan. I don't want to hurt him by suing his daughter. Any suggestions?? :sick:

jlot's picture

Submitted by jlot on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 3:36pm

That's horrible!! I don't know what is worse, being talked to poorly or parenting a 27 year old!!!! Has you hubby said anything to her about repaying you? I am so sorry...