I'm New Here....
Hi guys, I just found this site and I'm glad I did. I'm currently married and have one bio child who is 8 years old I'm expecting a new child in July and have one step child who is 9 years old. He is the reason why I joined. I am having the hardest time being a parent to this child.My husband has full custody of the child because his mother is unfit she has 6 other children by different fathers that she doesn't take care of also. When I met my husband he told me he had a child but that the child lived with his sister. He never brought the child around me I actually met him last summer.We were married the summer of 2008. I was ready to help my husband with him because he told me what the boy has gone through. So I thought it would be a great opportunity to be a good mother figure to him since he hasn't had one. Boy was i wrong this boy is horrible. He is spoiled, selfish, and super jealous of my daughter. As I stated earlier I am expecting a child with my husband and when my daughter mentioned something about the baby he said" Don't you mean your little brother" I asked him what did he mean by that and he said "that's your baby not my Dad's". But his behavior was bad before i became pregnant. He will lie and tell my husband that I didn't feed him. No one on my side of the family wants him to come around their kids because he tried to molest my cousin's 6 year old. I caught him looking under the bathroom door while my daughter was taking a shower and his reason for doing it was " voices in his head told him to do it". he is 9 still wets the bed(no medical reason) just plain old lazy. He throws objects at the teacher when he doesn't want to do what she asks. I dont know what to do because my husband says its not him its "us". Meaning its me or the teacher's fault or whoever. I'm just scared because i dont trust him at all. I asked my husband if it would be okay if he talked to a therapist he said no there is nothing wrong with him. I'm really starting to regret getting married because of his kid. What should I do?
- Jezzabell82's blog
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Let me tell you that we were
Let me tell you that we were having some issues just regarding the relationship between SSAnd myself. Right around when DHand I were about to get married. I insisted that SS see a counselor, which our insurance paid for. The counselor talked with all of us. Sometimes together, sometimes seperately. This would be an excellent idea to present to your H. That way, seeing as he feels it's the parents' problem, you can learn to deal better with the situation. Also, you can tell him (whether this is how you feel or not) that the counselor can help your SS recover from any "parenting" that hasn't been done correctly. I'd like to clarify that I don't think that this is a problem caused by the current parenting situation, but if agreeing with your H is what it takes to get some help, than it's worth it.
Also, the spying thing "may" not be that abnormal. I caught my SS spying on me in the shower when he was 9. It was purely curiosity. Dh had the talk with him and there hasn't been a problem with that since.
If he tried to molest
If he tried to molest another child, and wets the bed, then there's a great chance that he himself was sexually abused.
Here are signs of sexual abuse in kids:
http://early-childhood-development.suite101.com/article.cfm/child_molest...
Please have your DH get this child into counseling ASAP. He can find a good counselor by calling SS's doctor's office and asking them for recommendations.
The thing is he use to live
The thing is he use to live with my Husb sister. And her child who is a few years older than my SS touched my SS in appropriately. He is also a male child. When SIL discovered it my SS told her that they were playing "volcano". I didnt know SS at this point but that is why my husband asked if I would help him take care of his son. Which I had no problem doing at first. My husband says he doesnt need counseling and that he will get over it. Now my cousin's child is also a boy and she caught him in the same "doggie-style" position. I think my husband is just scared of loosing his son and thats why he doesn't want to get him help. I tried talking about it when he tried it on my cousins child but my husband became angry and said I'm not going to let you guys make my son a scapegoat.
Please tell your DH that if
Please tell your DH that if he does not get this child help, then the chances are greater that SS will get taken away. He is doing this child a grave disservice by not getting him help. Many abusers were abused themselves growing up. Please print that article off and show it to DH. It may help to open his eyes.
You can't reason with people
You can't reason with people who are in denial, and Dh here is REALLY in denial.
I say, cheat lie steal beg
I say, cheat lie steal beg and borrow to get that kid to a counselor. If you play it off that you'd like to get counseling and you need SS's input to the counselor so that the counselor can better assess what you need to do to "improve" your parenting skills than DH may go for it. Then once you're in counseling, this stuff can all come out. Let it go from there. If you have to, you have the option of calling the authorities to get him help. Honestly that would probably break up your marriage, but this kid really needs it! Also, although I do not promote them in most cases, you could give DH an ultimatum. If he doesn't agree to counseling, you will leave, etc.
Your actions you choose depend on how much you want to help your SS. How much are you willing to sacrifice to see this child helped? Your DH is obviously in denial. I'm not sure that showing him that info from the internet will help. In fact, if you show him that and then try to set up counseling for yourself (in disguise to get help for SS) he might see right through it.