i wish...

As my user name says, i wish i was jen. She is my friend but i hate that bitch. perfect life...husband child of her own, good jobs and all is rosy.

I on thr other hand have no children, been with DF for a year and realized i dont like his kids. They are good kids, just done like them and cant explain why. perhaps because they take time away from my husband, perhaps because they invade my house every other weekend, perhaps i dont want to share my husband. when we dated, he was busy and active with his kids and I knew that,, and i often didnt see him when we dated and he was with his children, we had outing together, i took his daughter shopping, baked with her, and did a fed other things....now that we are married and moved in things changed. i have no desire to be around them much less interact with them and i dont know why. they are good kids and dad is good with them. what happened i feel like shit because of this

for a yrar

iwish iwas jen's blog
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I do want kids. I am afraid

I do want kids. I am afraid skids will take away from my child...child support, time spent, etc.

I am trying, I know I need to try harder. When we were dating, he was with his kids quite a bit, and that time allowed me to do things with my friends, or just be by myself and relax. But for some reason, once we got married, I feel myself wanting to dominate his time, and I have to admit, I get jealous of the time he spends with his kids.

I don't fully understand it. I worry about his kids taking away from our future child, child support money that goes out to skids that should be going to us, time skids take away from us, etc.

I used to have a life before marriage, I really did, but since being married I lost that life, and frankly have no desire to return to it, and want my husband all the time.

Am I just messed up?

I don't think you're messed

I don't think you're messed up, but you might benefit from seeing a therapist. Together you can dig and figure out where these feelings are coming from. Maybe it's just a transition period for you. There's a big difference between dating a man with kids and being married to him. Did you live together before you got married?

My DH and I did not live together before the wedding. I had lived by myself for 10 years, in the same place. Getting married, moving, and adjusting to living with other people was very stressful. I'm still adjusting.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself time to explore what's going on. You enjoyed the kids once, hopefully you can get that back. Good luck!

Thanks. We didn't live

Thanks. We didn't live together before getting married. I think my husband was listening to too much Dr. Laura at the time and didn't want to shack up and be a bad example for the kids.

I can totally relate. I

I can totally relate. I really don't like my skids either. Not even sure if I can tell you exactly why. They are not disrespectful, rude or anything like that. They are basically normal 12 and 13 year old kids. The only reasons I can ever come up with are downright petty and not their fault, but I just can't get by them. They are a constant reminder of a past life, they are an excuse for needy, white trash, trouble making ex-girlfriends of DH to call whenever they feel the need, they are constantly sucking money and time out of DH for one thing or another, they eat the food that I buy, they create more laundry for me, more dishes for me and basically provide me with no enjoyment whatsoever.

I used to try to provide entertainment for the skids, to be their buddy, etc and I got lambasted at every turn by BM's, either I was doing too much, or I was not doing enough and I finally said forget it. They are DH responsibility now. I never pick up, or drop off, I don't cook dinner for them, I don't take them anywhere, I don't babysit them. They are not there to have visitation with me. I have a 21 month old BS and he is my responsibility to entertain, love and provide for.

Yep, I probably sound like a jerk and when I look in the mirror I don't like myself alot of times for the way I feel... I was NEVER like this before I met DH and all his baggage. But it is what it is.

Just know that you are not alone.

Glad I am not alone. Our

Glad I am not alone. Our lives sound a lot alike. Did having a BS help or hurt? I want one of my own and we are planning on it, but I am having doubts.

Honestly I think my

Honestly I think my feelings/tolerance towards skids and BMs deteriorated after I had BS. I think I tend to get even more annoyed at the all the extra money requests, time requests etc because I feel like they not only take away from me, but BS1 as well. I guess it's really all selfish stuff, but it's still there.

On the other hand, I think it helped me to have BS1 in that since I couldn't ever do anything right by skids (as far as BMs were concerned) I just put all that wasted effort that I was putting towards skids into my BS1 who truly loves me and appreciates me. DH just commented yesterday about what a wonderful mother I am. I promise you he has never uttered those words to either BM.

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