What would you do?
Ok so me my son and BF go to my moms house sunday to watch the dolphin game and to eat. We are sitting down just talking and watching the game when there is a knock at the door. My sister says come in and it is my EX. Now this is someone that has spit in my face and called me every name in the book. but my mother and step dad and sister let him visit still. Anyway after he came in he went up to my BF shook his hand and introduced hiself and went and greeted my mother and sister and just said hey to me from far. I said NOTHING back. I didnt even look at him i wouldnt even be able to tell you what he looks like right now. I had the biggest knot in my stomach so I could only imagine what my BF had in his. Anyway the EX walked out and went to the yard with the rest of the guys. So I asked BF if he wanted to leave. He said yes. So we left but from that moment on all I got was the silent treatment. I did not know the EX was just going to pop up. but see later on my BF asked me how would I feel if it was the other way around. I explained to him I wouldnt know this is one of the reasons why i havent met your mother its gonna be 2 years and I havent met his mom because his EX is constantly in his mothers house. So am I the wrong one? Should he be mad at me?
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Why is he at your moms?
If it was me I'd jump all over my mom and ask her WHY you wern't told about him coming over? and tell her how uncomfortable it made you and your BF and why does he (the EX)still have the right to come over? I agree with you, If I was at my mother in laws and his EX just showed up, It would be the LAST time there would be an awkward moment.
My parents had dinner with
My parents had dinner with my exhusband, once, for "closure". While they were sitting around the dinner table, I was sleeping in my car, homeless. I didn't speak to my parents for a month after that. The next time I did speak to my mom (this was her idea) I went OFF, repeated every horrible thing this man had put me through, and some new gems that, until I was that angry, I was too embarrassed to admit. I told them in no uncertain terms that I was the one who went through the horrible breakup. I was the one who had my heart broken again and again by this man. If the loved me, they needed to set aside whatever feelings they had for my Ex, and focus on me, their child, who needed their unwaivering love and support and LOYALTY.
That was the end of that. I think my mom still occasionally emails him, but knows better than to mention it to me. Oh and may I also add HIS family made no similar olive branch gesture to me, their "third daughter". I got one snide email from the mom, basically blaming me for what happened.
I suggest you have a very real conversation with your mom and tell her the things I told my mom. If your son was present for any of the name calling/spitting, all the more reason your mom shouldn't want him around.
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
They owe an apology....
I would have a serious sit down discussion with my parents and my sister...I would also expect them to apologize to my BF if they cared to have further contact and/or a relationship with me...One thing is for sure, I wouldn't visit at their house again until they apologized to you and your BF...
"In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities" ~ Disgusted Step Mom.
I have run in to my X-I-Ls a few times over the years.
I have even gone to their home to say hello when I was in the area. They are really great people and I had a very good and close relationship with them. My XW, their daughter left me for a Fortune 500 executive sugar daddy who is not much younger than they are. I believe they now have three children. Each time I have seen my XFIL he has teared up.
I have not seen then in at least 8 years. The last time I ran in to them my XMIL was cranky about something. If I had to guess it was that their daughter had vented on them about speaking to me.
Oh well. Not much I can do about that. If I am notified I would attend their funerals but I doubt I will see them again.
My parents ran in to my XSIL and her daughter a couple of years ago. They invited her to sit with them for lunch and had a nice visit.
It is interesting how sometimes the wronged party and their family in a divorce can be well adjusted and magnanimous while the party that was at fault has issues with moving on.
At least that is how it appears in the case of my own divorce.
Not Your Fault!
Are you serious. Did you call him up? No Did you invite him over? No It wasn't even your house to kick his sorry butt out. I do not know what your family was thinking letting him in while you are there with your BF. I am sorry it is VERY disrespectuful to you both. YOU are the daughter. I know if my Ex came to my parents house. My mother would first be scared wondering what awful thing happened that he felt the need to stop on by. And two she would be angry at him for thinking that everything is cool after the divorce and the way he treated us. I am sorry that you were treated that way. I am shocked at your family. Oh and you already know how it feels because you can' even meet his mother because his ex is there all the time. What is it with these people who want to hang on? I love my Ex's Family but I just don't feel right coming over to visit like everything is all peachy-keen. It is disrespectful to my new husband and My ex girlfriend. SHE should be the one going over and visiting. Loyalty should be to the family NOT the Ex!
oh hell no is right!
Your family messed up bigtime! They had no right to invite your ex, first of all. Second of all, if they were that in love with him after all the crap he did to you, THEY have serious issues. And third, if, despite all the crap he did to you they still liked this guy and decided to invite him, they most certainly should have warned you. The whole things goes back to them not being considerate, thoughtful or nice. Very uncool.
I understand why you left and I would have done the same. You guys should probably have stayed though...you know what I mean? So it looks like ex doesn't have power over you and can basically kick you outta your family's event (cuz that's kinda what he did). Maybe next time you'll be in a better position to stand up for your rights. Hugs.