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The Step Dad who is not appreciated!!!

Isaac5606's picture

Submitted by Isaac5606 on Thu, 06/16/2011 - 10:34am

I am a Step-Father to a 13 yrs. old girl who just plain HATES ME!!! I have been with this child since she was 4 yrs. old and she tells me that she can't stand me!!! Her "SPERM DONOR" is a full time drug dealer with 8 other kids. I work in the Coal Mines of PA in 28" and this girl plain out hates me. She tells me that I am too Cheap and that her Father can do better for her. My wife and I will not send her to her father to live with because we are Christians and we have rules in our home and she does not like rules!!! Her father lives in Pittsburgh, PA and her gives her what ever she wants and I am 100% against this but I am not allowed to say anything because I get told the your not my father!!! as you can see, I really don't have a leg to stand on!!!

Comments

Moonchild10's picture

Submitted by Moonchild10 on Thu, 06/16/2011 - 10:49am

Is your wife supportive? Does your wife correct her? How long have you been married? I wish I had some advice, as I'm in a similar but reverse situation. I loved my stepfather and was shocked to learn my mom decided to end things with him. He was more my dad than my own father and none of my siblings or I dared to say that he wasn't our dad. In fact, he used to preface any talk he had with us began with him saying he wasn't our dad. He came into our lives when I was a teen so....yeah...that kid needs a good swat and her mother needs to back you up!

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Thu, 06/16/2011 - 10:51am

I am sorry you are going through this. Kids can be so cruel. Sounds like you really care about your stepdaughter, unfortunately... 13 is a BAD age for most girls. Stick to your guns though, you are obviously the better home for her to be in, and someday HOPEFULLY she will realize it. Keep up the good work, parenting is not easy, and having a situation like yours makes it that much harder.

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Thu, 06/16/2011 - 11:35am

So many people go through this, one parent who is permissive and gives them everything the others provide a real home and structure. Unfortunately for many people those kids don't understand the importance of structure so they think the other parent is better.

As long as you and your wife are working together to create the rules and stand by them, then you are doing what you should. Kids hate their parents for boundaries. Especially at this age because they think they should be able to do whatever they want. AND the other parent has shown them they can.

I hate to worry you, but what can happen is that the child may try to choose to live with the other parent. Document all you can about bio-dads "occupation" and lifestyle in case you ever have to deal with the court system.

Good luck! This is a horrible age to deal with plus a permissive parent. Makes all the more difficult.

anyha's picture

Submitted by anyha on Thu, 06/16/2011 - 1:53pm

Keep in mind also, that even if you WERE her BioDad, she'd probably say she hated you and that she wants to go live with "so in so who is better because they do X". Even children of your own make those kinds of comments at different points in their lives.

Here's a really quick story. My brother has an adopted daughter (he's a step dad basically who raised her from birth) He's gone through all kinds of comments about her hating him, or he's not her real dad and so forth.

Well, she's mostly grown up now and really serious now with her bf. Ironically? The bf is just like my brother. Temperment, personality and so forth. So, she may end up marrying a guy who is just like her "dad". Cause the truth is, she doesn't really hate him. Those are just quick and easy buttons kids push when they're angry or upset.

If it wasn't "you're not my real dad" then it would be, "i wish you weren't my dad" or "i wish i was never born" and so forth. 13 is a pretty emotional age, and well.. she's a girl as well! That doesn't help!