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BM's email to DH on his concept of parenting.....

imagr8tma's picture

Submitted by imagr8tma on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 8:29am

BM sent DH an email this weekend (actually Thursday & Friday) stating sd(6) has been invited to a birthday party of one of her dance teammates. It is on the Friday of his visitation. AND she followed up by telling sd to ask her father to give up "his weekend" so she could attend this birthday party.

So DH addressed it with BM with a email response asking her to not pit his visitation against things of that nature. . . . and that his visitation and spending time with his daugther was very important. He also let her know he was not going to give up his visitation that weekend.

(If you read back in my blogs you will see what type of hateful deceiving woman we are dealing with.....and why it is so important that DH keep each and every visit with his daughter especially now!!!!)

Well she responds that and I quote his visitation is a major issue she is dealing with. That she can not help someone invited SD to a birthday party and she should allowed to attend that party no matter what ..... and that if DH has a issue with that....

He should just let sd(6) make her own decisions when it comes to her having to visit with him and his family.

WHAT?!?!?!?! Let a 6 year old make the decision of attending a birthday party or going on court ordered visitation. WOW!

AFTER all of the brainwashing (documented in counseling notes from BMs own words after she was frustrated the counselor would not lie for her), after the abuse lies in the counseling intake form, after the lies told to the doctor, after the lies told on facebook, after the lies about cheerleading and dance camps taking over the entire summer so he could not have visitation.... SHE expects DH to give up his weekend. She is just nuts.

Seems like 14 July - the custody battle - she started can not get here soon enough.

I think it is amazing a 6 year should be allowed to make her own decisions.... BUT hey we will see what the judge thinks after her reads that trail of emails.

Comments

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 9:27am

go to the party, and you pick her up? BM could drop her off with her stuff, and DH could get her.

HummingBirdHunny's picture

Submitted by HummingBirdHunny on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 9:42am

I think you need to find a way to get that address of the party in case she sends SD their anyways. Then if need be get a police officer involved and bring him with you when you have to go to this party to pick up the child. Sounds like BM may just send SD anyways and you need to be prepared for it just in case. And if she does, then take her back to court for violating the court order.

Serena's picture

Submitted by Serena (not verified) on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 9:59am

I somewhat agree with your BM. Not necessarily in YOUR situation, because she sounds like she's gunning for you, but just in general.

I don't think a child should be allowed to refuse visitation, especially at 6 years old, but she shouldn't have to miss out on activities just because her parents are divorced either. That's not to say she should be allowed to go to every single birthday party ever, but if it's her best friend or whatever and she wants to go, reasonable accomodations should be made to allow her. Either you guys should take her, or let her mom take her and you pick her up after or whatever.

I just think about my kids having to miss every thing EOW because their dad refuses to take them. He sees it as "his visitation" and NOTHING should interfere. That's not realistic. Birthday parties, soccer games, gymnasitc meets, and such are part of parenting. It's not fair that a child should miss out just because the dad doesn't want anything interfering with his visitation.

I'm not trying to step on toes, I don't know your situation at all, I'm just thinking of my situation. My children have been known to ask their dad to take them to things on his weekend and when he refuses, they'll ask if they can stay home on Friday night and go to his house on Saturday afternoon or whatever. Like I said, if we were still married, he would be attending these things. Parents in nuclear familes don't get to hang out all weekend playing with their kids. They have to buy groceries, do laundry, work on the lawn, and attend birthday parties.

Is there a reason you guys can't just take her?

imagr8tma's picture

Submitted by imagr8tma on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 12:42pm

We live in different states, and this is why we can't take her to the birthday party. We attemtped this several times before. BUT BM is no longer giving us the information because she is attempting to make the court believe DH does not exercise his visitation - as her lawyer typed up in the affidavit she filed in reference to custody. The court order has them meeting every other weekend at 6p on Friday and return on 4p on Sunday. AND that was not what BM suggessted - she told DH to give up his weekend.

Not to mention - we drive 4 1/2 hours to attend all of sd's events. Cheerleading (when she was - BM took her out of this when instead of just giving up the weekends we drove down to attend), Dance - we attend all events again driving 4 1/2 hours, doctor's appointments, school appointments and the like. DH has switched weekends with her each time she has asked until we found out her method of attack last november.

BM told a counselor we abuse sd when she is with us, has nightmares, DH does not take an active role in sd's life, we drop her off in locations when he picks her up where she is un-welcomed and afraid, she told sd during the summer when we did switch weekends that he did not pick her up becuase he did not love her (she asked us this when we did finally get her the next two weeks later) and another myriad of other lies. These things were filed in a affidavit with the court for her attempt to take joint custody and visitation from my dh.

So there are reasons why DH feels it is important to exercise his visits as the court has stated right now.

Believe me .... He has worked with her to accomodate all that she and sd wanted to do. Last summer she cheerlead and danced all summer long. We accomodated that until she tried to pull it again this summer but would not give us the information so DH could come down and participate. We called the cheerlead coach - and it was surprising to find out sd no longer cheers. We called the dance coach for the info - surprised to find out the camp is not until the last week in August. So in dealing with the lies leading up to court - DH can not afford to miss time with SD.

Please read back in my blog and you will see what has been going on - this is what has molded DHs decision on missing out on his weekends with sd.

Serena's picture

Submitted by Serena (not verified) on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 1:18pm

SD is lucky she gets any kind of regular visitation at all! Good for you guys for making the sacrifices to spend that much time with her! I get that BM is being hinky with you, that's why I put the disclaimer that I don't know your situation. I don't blame you at all for not wanting to give up even a night if she's going to use it against you. Missing one birthday party isn't going to kill SD anyway.