Now that it's going to court, BM wants to "talk"
But how does one talk to a pathological liar and actually get anywhere? She's convinced that she's a great mother! It's not like she's involved in an abusive relationship where she's as much the abuser as she is the abused, she doesn't lie to DH about things like having signed SD up for summer school or having gotten her an actual diagnosis for her cough. The fact that she hasn't taken SD to the doctor for so much as a well child check or can't follow through with dentist appointments or therapist sessions is none of DH's business. He has no right to interfere with her parenting so the fact that SD sleeps 13-14 1/2 hours every weekend that she's at our house doesn't mean he knows what goes on at BM's. SD barely made it through 5K, was recommended for summer school and had continued behavior problems, not to mention no friends, but BM doesn't see it that way; being a daycare worker makes her so much smarter than those licensed teachers at the school. If she's abusing drugs, it's none of our business, she has a prescription so that gives her every right to buy speed off the street when her ADHD meds run out.
And OF COURSE, she should meet with DH by himself as divide and conquer works best! DH told her that wasn't going to happen, that I'm as much a part of SD's life as he is and these things concern me as well. That got her panties in a twist, metaphorically speaking of course since I'm fairly certain the slore doesn't wear panties. Before filing the court paperwork at the end of May, DH sent BM a detailed email asking some questions like how does BM feel SD is doing in school, how is she handling SD's behavior problems, what time does she go to bed, are you willing to change the placement schedule, when did you sign her up for summer school, what doctor prescribed the inhaler you've been giving her. Her response was it's none of your business, you don't have any reason to ask those question and no right to know those answers and I don't feel safe disclosing this information to you. Always the victim.
I don't think she's interested in changing a damn thing, much less willing to admit her faults, she's just hoping to pump DH for as much information as she possibly can. He told her that if she's willing to sign off on having been served, he'll gladly give her the paperwork immediately, otherwise, she'll need to wait to be served. Does anyone think that we're taking the wrong stance on this?
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We just recently won custody
We just recently won custody of my SDs and their mom was like that. She lies and would not tell DH anything. It came back to bite her. She wouldnt admit anything was wrong in court, even though there was proof that several things were wrong.
When giving us custody, the judge told BM,"Part of my decision is based on the fact that you don't see a problem here. If you can't acknowledge the problems, then I know you won't fix them.
Hopefully, you get a fair judge. Its stressful,going to court, but worth it if you can get things changed. Good luck!
Don't do it. There is nothing
Don't do it. There is nothing good that can come from engaging this personality type. It's going to court, let it go to court. Your lawyer would tell you the same. Don't pay for their legal services and potentially ruin the outcome by succumbing to her request (and yes, talking to her IS succumbing - she's the victim, remember??)
Very best of luck!
I think you are taking the
I think you are taking the correct stance. Ignore her.
DH's reason for asking those
DH's reason for asking those questions was specific; SD's teacher brought up numerous problems both educationally and behaviorally throughout the year, as well as several instances where she was unable to stay awake during class. If she was handling things in a specific way i.e consequences or rewards that seemed to help, he wanted to be able to do the same in our household.
She'd gone back and forth on letting him have more time and agreeing to let him have 50/50 placement to cutting him off completely. As for summer school and the doctor, BM lied about having signed her up for summer school and despite us having a letter stating as much, she continued to insist she haf it taken care of. The doctor issue was that much worse; she was either giving SD medication that wasn't prescribed to her or just lying about having taken her to the doctor. We signed her up for summer school at our district because it was important after barely making it through 5K that she get educational instruction which her teacher really stressed. The same scenario applied with the doctor, if she'd been diagnosed with something, it was info that DH was legally entitled to as they have joint custody not to mention why withhold that? He really had to push that one too, asking that ten different times before she gave the name of a doctor who has seen SD6 once and never treated her for it.
DH told her that she was more than welcome to put together a questionnaire with any questions/concerns that she would like to address when it came to our schedule, routine, discipline strategies, etc.
Thank you everyone for the
Thank you everyone for the feedback and support. She actually said I don't know what there is to talk about but I'm willing to and that'll show the judge that I'm cooperative and you're not. She's definitely unsure of what we have but there is quite a bit and we're sure that she'll take that same 'There's no problem' stance, which we included in the proposal for a change of placement.
Once upon a time, when we
Once upon a time, when we were still fighting Medusa in court, DH had a whole list of things that he wanted. None were of noxious, and most were just things that he was already entitled to but that she refused to follow.
On the morning of course, her umpteenth lawyer approached DH's lawyer and said that she would agree to just about everything in the motion. DH's attorney thanked her very much but said since we were already here we were going to follow through. They did meet with the judge privately and tell him that many of the things have been worked out.
The judge wanted to know when these things have been worked out. When DH's attorney said "why, just this morning, your honor" the judge was very upset. Gave DH everything he had asked for and more. Yelled at Medusa for being so uncooperative until the very last second and made her pay for some of DH's attorneys costs.
Hold firm, stand strong.
Let it go to court. If you
Let it go to court. If you change the plans, she'll have won.
Perfect! That's exactly what
Perfect! That's exactly what we'll do. She's been on a fishing expedition for days now since she found out that DH filed for placement, change of CS and contempt. Asking what she did that he considers contempt and why be thinks 'taking SD from me' is in her best interest and why SD would be better off living with DH. Which, of course has been in between the accusations and whining about how he has help with SD because of me and she doesn't so it's not fair and blah, blah.
I have to say, I'm proud of DH for not engaging with her. At first he was the Dad who didn't disagree, didn't make waves and tiptoed around BM'S feelings, then he started calling her out on her BS and he's finally just waiting for court because he knows she'll just be defensive, impossible and difficult which solves nothing.