can I shut it off?
So I have a SS10 and SD7. I've always loved these kids as my own, and maybe that's my problem. I was brought up with physical discipline, and I have no problem giving my BD2 a spank(one) on the butt when misbehaving. I'm not allowed to spank with the skids, and I respect that rule.
Apparently I am always stepping over these SP boundaries that I had no idea existed. The way she makes me feel lately, is that I can only make the food, wash the clothes and make sure they have an inch of sunscreen on them anytime they go outside.
It was after 4pm and I knew they wouldn't be out more than 15-20 min, so I didn't put sunscreen on them. It mad BM very upset(according to SS). I text her myself to let her know of the no sunscreen and didn't seem to be upset. But later she was, I guess...
She never comes to me with the issues she has with me, it always goes to my husband, the BF.
I joined my SD girlscout group recently to help the leader. She had not come to the past 3 meetings and asked us to pay half, but still claimed it was "her time" with the SD. she had 2 more children after the older 2 with her new husband, so to her, 1 hour twice a month is quality time with her daughter... She called me the b name, told me I need to learn my boundaries, and now that I have my own daughter, I should stop trying to buy hers off. I buy things for both skids the way I buy things for my BD. I guess I shouldn't. Is she afraid that the kids are gonna like me more?? I highly doubt that...
She always has to know everything we are doing/did with the kids, she asks the 20 q's when ever they get home, and to the kids-Mom is king and dad is the bank...
I feel like I should have listened to myself 4 years ago when I left him because I was getting indigestion and heartburn from this darn woman and her controlling nature. I have divorced parents, and I know that they should never replace the originals.
I could go on for another hour about this stuff, but lately my hormones have been getting the best of me with being preggers again.
any advice on how to just shut it off??
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She can only control you if
She can only control you if you let her. Repeat... I am my own boss.
My rule of thumb is ... would I be OK with my kids SM doing this? If the answer (and in your case some hypothetical SM) is no... then back off. If the answer is yes, rock on.
The Sunscreen rule is something that you need to hand off to your BF. HE is their parent, not you. Nor should you be texting the BM. And at 10 and 7 the kids are old enough to know how to apply sunscreen. Do NOT text her, do not tell her anything you are planning. Become the kids fun aunt. You are the fun person. The one who makes them industrial size bubble mix (check out Pinterest for fun ideas. And the bubble mix). Then if BM thinks you are buying her kids off with corn syrup, water and Dawn detergent then she has a problem, not you.
I made it a rule to NEVER comment about my ssons mother more than "Oh well, her house her rules. My house my rules" And ..."Well that is your mother's opinion and everyone is entitled to their opinion." I refused to agree or act like the mother understudy.
Her accusations of buying off her kids mean either or both of 2 things. BM is VERY insecure and sees monsters in the shadows and/or the kids are playing one house off against the other to get the best of both worlds.
Oh and stop buying them stuff if they aren't there. Your job is to raise your children and to assist your BF not pick up his slack and put yourself in the firing line.
i usually don't text her
i usually don't text her anything, unless I am droppin the kids off, or if one of them is sick, I let her know how they did before school. I"m usually the one at home with them because of DH being at work till a later hr. I never say a bad word about their mother, and when I talk to them about respect and not having an attitude(major problem that BM never took care of with SS10 till now-too late), I always include all 4 parents in the mix. Respect ALL of us. We don't have a large income, so when I say 'buying things,' it's merely a shirt that was super cheap for SD, or a cool game at our local used media store. both things being $5 or less. my DH has always referred to her as a drama queen, and she doesn't have a job. so if i do one little thing, she stews on it all day and just rips into my DH when she needs to vent. I don't think they had a clean enough break when they split. She has her own darn DH she should be venting to, right? I wish I'd found this site sooner, because just reading everybody else's situations makes me feel less alone and like I'll get over her arrogant and insecure comments. someday...
My thoughts not her house not
My thoughts not her house not her place to tell you a grown adult what you can and can't do. Seriously BM tried once to tell me how I could be what I had to do in regards to her kids in my home, I informed her she was NOT my mother and I'd even tell my mom to butt out. I told her all parenting is on SO I support him demand respect in my home, and everyone gets treated the same in regard to chores and expectations, and her opinion means squat. I don't text her, communicate with her or have anything to do with her as much as we can avoid,even when she has called or text it was simple to remind her my # was for emergencies only not SO refusing to deal with her harassment and I will press charges. She's only had to text me once since because the school needed their dd picked up and she couldn't reach SO. It works brilliantly because I've stood up for myself since day one. This exactly> "Oh well, her house her rules. My house my rules"
I wish I could tell my DH
I wish I could tell my DH that he needs to deal with her, himself. I've tried, and whenever he stands up for our household, she always starts a fight and sometimes threatens to take the kids away. I thought that having a non threatening relationship with the other side would help with the kids transitioning from one house to the other(we have them 30% of the time), but now I know it just put me out there for her to step on. How do I come back from that?
This woman is just under my skin! Just a lazy, unmotivated, life is unfair, whine bag. I've always been a person who wants to help people, it was how I was brought up. Love your neighbor.
I am definitely starting the MY HOUSE MY RULES. thanks
Here's the deal. The biggest
Here's the deal. The biggest problem? YOUR DH. Yes, if she doesn't even go to YOU with the issues, he needs to either 1. tell her it is none of her business or 2. not tell you a darn thing!
PS - good luck...I remember the days and I never did anything like what you did...finally, I gave up