OT-Please help, I'm running out of options
So as if life is not screwed up enough, I just found out my grandfather's health is worse than was explained. My cousin that shared her info with me on the cabin trip was not fully informed due to her cognitive abilities.
A large mass was discovered near my grandfathers heart. It is very big, and so close to the heart that no surgeon will operate on him. We were told he has anywhere from a few days-few months left. They have already gone to multiple hospitals for "second opinions" and get the same result.
As most of you know, my mom and brother are still living with my grandparents. I have called so many places to try and find a placement for my mom and it's either: 1. she's not 65 y/o so they wont take her 2. she has no income because they cut her from her social security (apparently a mentally ill woman with a terminal illness isn't 'sick enough' to require assistance) 3. the places that will take her start at a minimum of $1200/month in rent/care. She has food stamps but no other income. 4. she has violent tendencies and it shows on her arrest record, so the memory care facilities won't take her (again she has no income so they wouldn't take her anyway)
Due to my mental state, I am leaving whatever happens to my brother up to our father. But my mom is another story. I know the pressure from my family (especially rich aunt) are going to be through the roof towards me finding a solution. I understand it. My grandma is in her late 70's, grandfather in his early 80s, they deserve to spend however long he has together in peace. But I don't know what to do. I have called so many places in our state and there is NOTHING for somebody with a mental illness and no income. I'm beginning to understand why there are so many homeless people in our cities now.
Does anyone have any suggestions?? I've called churches, social workers, everything, and they have basically said "boy that's too bad". She can't live with us. She needs around the clock care. All it takes is her doing her standard "pick and choose" when taking her pills and she's off her rocker again and will get evicted in less than a month.
I don't know what to do.
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I know you are feeling bad
I know you are feeling bad for your grandparents and it must be so hard during this time. But...they raised your mom. Their enabling of her may be a big part of why she is in this "helpless" situation. Unless you plan on taking over for them when they both pass, your mom needs to figure out her own problems.
It sounds like you have already done what you can. Some problems have no good solutions. And if anyone accuses you of not doing enough, turn it around on them. Ask rich aunt what the he'll SHE has done to help her relatives.
^ My other thought really was
^ My other thought really was why hasn't rich aunt offered to fund this for your mom if she sees it as "so important." It's like caring, but not enough to be part of the solution where she's able.
she says she's paid for
she says she's paid for enough, and I also know that rich aunt has been paying my grandparent's mortgage. They are sick of being the 'piggy bank'.
While I understand that...
While I understand that... She can't b**** at you for not being able to afford it or do more than you are unless she's ready to step up and take action herself... I'm sorry you're dealing with this mess
My 1/2 sister's mother is
My 1/2 sister's mother is schizophrenic and she has to deal with housing for her mother ALOT! Half-way houses and group homes tend to take her faster and without benefits. See if your state has department of aging and rehabilitation. They may be able to help.
Also, call Goodwill. They have a lot of resources.
Gads, hon, I'm so sorry!!!
Gads, hon, I'm so sorry!!!
I'm also on board with rich aunt footing the bill or STFU. She's tired of being the piggy bank? Then if she is not part of the solution, she is part of the problem.
I googled "group homes for mentally ill adults in minnesota" and found some things...
http://www.dhs.state.mn.us/main/idcplg?IdcService=GET_DYNAMIC_CONVERSION...
http://www.accesspress.org/directory/residentialgroup-home-programs/
http://www.mhresources.org/supportive-housing-programs/
I have no idea what the cost of these places is, but it's something to look at. You might be able to find something closer to your city/county.
Again, I am so sorry. I cannot begin to imagine how you're feeling. {{{HUGS}}}
I work in mental health and
I work in mental health and addictions but up in Canada. I'm not sure if the systems are similar but here's a few suggestions:
- Your mom is considered "hard to house" and she's on the verge of homelessness. See if there are any organizations that offer "housing first" models for the mentally ill and addicted in your area. There's probably a waitlist, but it's a start.
- Contact local mental health organizations in your area and ask them for options for your mom. Get the experts involved. It's so hard to navigate these systems so get someone who is an expert to navigate for you. In my area, we have a lot of different not-for-profit organizations that look to house the mentally ill who are unable to locate housing for themselves. All these services are free.
- If your mom is seriously mentally ill, then she should be receiving government disability benefits. Again, not sure how it works in your area, but here, a public trustee and guardian can take over your mom's monies and manage them for her so she pays rent, has food, etc...
Hope this helps. If you have any questions, please let me know.
Moving to Canada is sounding
Moving to Canada is sounding better and better...this state sucks. No money = no help. One social worker actually told me to "let your mom be homeless". I was SO mad. Like that would be such an "easy" solution.
What kind of social worker
What kind of social worker would say such a thing? She should be fired!!! If your mother is mentally ill she should be able to qualify for something. Sending you positive vibes and pray you find a solution that will benefit your mother. People are so quick to tell you what you need to do but are they also taking steps in trying to help the situation.....
Office of aging- the ombudsman
Kinda lile a lawyer the ombudsman sees that elderly are taken care of ( in my understanding)
Maybe worth a shot