I have a DD that just turned 2 at the beginning of April. 2 is the age where kids are typically the most defiant, least understanding, and it's the hardest for them to share or empathize. My daughter is a sweet little girl, but as far as she is concerned, the world revolves around her and whatever she wants or needs at the moment. She has no concept of things like patience, obedience, following instructions regardless of why. It's a difficult age to get any child to do anything. The only thing that really works with her is praise. When she does the right thing, we praise her. She craves this attention, and tries to replicate whatever it is that she has done to garner this reaction. Punishment is no deterrent to her at all. Not a time out, not a spanking, not even my disapproval.

In other words. Good luck.

Start taking the toys away for a time. She can't throw what she doesn't have.

Makes me wonder if 2 is almost too young for timeout. When SD was 2, FDH would slap her hand if she couldnt keep her hands off something (same as we do now with our BS16mo), and now at 4, she will sit in a time-out but spankings are almost more productive.

Truthfully threats are almost as productive as the real thing once the kid understands what a spanking is. But I do think time-outs are good for bad behavior of all kinds, (not listening/being mean/throwing items etc).

My mom put my daughters toys in a trash bag and tossed them in the garbage can in front of her. She took the toys out and hid them when DD was sleeping.

DD also refused to take her toys out of the tub so my mom tossed them and made her take a bath the next might with no toys. When DD asked for her toys my mom asked if she would be good and then made her take them out of the garbage. It seemed to work on the not picking up toys.

Other things we give her time outs for. We also used the toys in the trash when she is home and it seems to work.

My son just turned 3. We use time outs sparingly. They are most productive for us when he needs to gain control of himself and his emotions. Like if he's hitting, throwing things, yelling at us ect ect. We also have started using it if blatent defiance (more like you are talking about). But we only recently began using it for that. It might be a bit too abstract for a melt turned 2 to grasp.

But how much talking/explaining do you do? The timeout shouldn't be a punsihment, but a way to get them to detach from the situation so that they can actively listen to you. We tell BS why he's going into timeout when we put him in, and when he's ready to talk he will tell us "I ready to listen now" and then I ask him why he was sent to time out. Sometimes he understands what he did wrong, sometimes he has completely missed the point. We talk about what he did that wasn't ok. Then I ask him what he should have done instead, and offer suggestions if he's struggling on a correct action. Then I ask him what he should do to fix it. Usually its say sorry, and go xyz (whatever he didn't do) or say sorry and don't xyz.

If he doesn't follow through with his remedy to the situation.... Then he goes back in timeout and we repeat.

The way I did timeouts, plus teaching cleanup time with my preschoolers was/is quite simple. You will sit there and do what you're told (i.e. clean up the teapot you threw on the floor). Don't want to pick it up? Fine. Go to the thinking carpet for 2 minutes, then come back and pick it up. Still don't want to pick it up? Fine. Go back to the carpet for another 2 minutes.

I use this method ANYTIME my students (who are 3-4 now, but i used it with 18 months-2.5 yrs too) decide they don't want to do what they are asked to do. Its not an option. I had a child on friday who refused to do his writing work (working on writing their names), I told him "ok thats your choice, but you will not switch centers, go outside, or go to music until you do it." He sat at that table for an hour and half, and anytime he'd throw a fit about it he got to go to our 'thinking carpet'. Finally he realized that I really would make him sit there all day, wrote his name, and we moved on.

The point is to get SD2 to realize that she does NOT have a choice. She can throw a tantrum, sit on the floor in the same spot and stare at the teapot for 2 hours, but IAmALady and daddy are not going to pick it up for her. If she gets up without putting the teapot up, walk her back to where she threw it, sit her happy little ass on the floor and remind her that she can't do anything else until its picked up.

It sucks teaching kids that you won't give in. Especially when it turns into hour long battles, but you have to follow through EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Have you tried asking her to "help" you pick up her toys? My BS2 lives to "help" so i get alot more out of him by asking to help mommy than i do by telling him to do something...and I always make sure to praise him like crazy when he complies which he loves so 1/2 the time i don't even have to ask him to do simple every day things.

We were actually at the store today and while in the checkout line bs2 took a flashlight off of the hook it was hanging on to look at it. When he actually hung it back right where he found it (even though it took him a couple of tries and without me even asking him to) 2 guys behind me in line were like "wow! Most kids would have just chucked the thing!" That's the joy of 2 year olds though the next time he could very well just chuck it....but i think that consistency from adults helps alot.

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