Who is she
I’ll be honest. I’ve been on this site before maybe a year ago. I deleted my account because at the time everything I was being told was very hateful. There’s only so many times you can hear that you’re living in sin and not get upset. Anyways here’s a bit of an introduction of myself and why I’m here now.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over two years now. He has two children, one boy and one girl. The girl is 8 and the boy is 5.
Their mother has primary residency and they share legal custody. BM didn’t like me at all at the start but then again she certainly doesn’t like my boyfriend even now.
Lately things have been a bit off compared to the first year and a half and I kind of just want to talk about it.
See BM lives with her grandmother and brother. Except grandma has been out of state for months now. First she was supposed to return in March. Then it was May. Now it’s August or September. Anyways grandma really needs to be in a nursing home anyways so I’m kind of scared she’s not coming back. She’s had repeated bouts of cancer and there was word of another tumor back around April. The kids of course don’t know anything and we’re not asking. BM hasn’t volunteered the information either and we don’t have that kind of relationship.
Up until this past month I would say we didn’t have any relationship but then things sort of flipped. BM used to restrict my boyfriend’s assess to the children. She didn’t prevent him from exercising his court ordered visitation but almost anything else was a no. Then out of nowhere she asks if we want to pick up the kids a day early. Since my boyfriend was at work he relayed it to me and she said I could come get them.
I was very much on edge but the exchange went fine. BM and I actually talked a tiny bit as the kids finished getting ready. The youngest was happy to show me their new cat. Then we left and she didn’t feel the need to follow us out to the car like she’s done every other time.
Anyways because I did the pickup I finally got BM’s number. I was worried this wouldn’t be a good thing but it has. BM has messaged me a few times. Some of it might have ulterior motives but it doesn’t feel like it. I mean I’ve seen her behavior for the past two years and this is downright angelic compared to before. She sent me pictures of the kids and not only agreed to letting us have the kids next weekend so we can take them clothes shopping during the tax free weekend but said we can have them every weekend.
I’ve noticed for a while she’s been a bit more agreeable but I seriously thought she would shoot this down and instead now we’re being told come get them tonight. She’s not even demanding we be the ones to return them on Sunday.
My boyfriend did some snooping and found out that yesterday she changed her Facebook to reflect she’s dating someone and there were a few replies that make it seem this has been going on. BM has dated before but normally the kids know and tell us after only a few days. This time it doesn’t seem like they even know which is great because she’s introduced them to 4 other men and 1 female over the past 2 years.
Anyways it’s just really odd. She’s had maybe a few weeks at a time in the past where she was civil but this has been sustained.
- I don't trust her's blog
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Comments
I’d keep an eye on it. The
I’d keep an eye on it. The whole, happy it’s going well but don’t trust her. Lol.
Im glad you’re getting more time with the kids though!!!
Thank you. No I'm kind of on
Thank you. No I'm kind of on edge because I'm waiting for her to swing back and I'm worried somehow it will be worse.
For tonight though we've done story time and the kids are tucked into bed and that's what matters.
Embrace it. It is all a game,
Embrace it. It is all a game, but for now it is working in your favor. Status Quo is there is a new guy keeping her occupied enough that she doesn't seek drama or conflict with either of you (WIN); the kids are oblivious (WIN) and he might also be oblvious to a certain extent with how often she is suppose to have them (WIN) but also to the fact that he is dating a HCBM (Not Your Problem) because she is playing so well with y'all right now to impress him. There could be a lot of reasons why a HCBM appears to have "changed" from the outside. It could be that she wants to look cooperative and easy going to new boyfriend, it could be that he also has children with a HCBM and she is trying not to appear in the same light, it could be just the cold hard truth that she never really wanted to parent her children, she just wanted to be better at it than you or your DH which is true for most of these on this site. You could drive yourself crazy trying to understand the logic of a crazy person so save yourself the brain power and assure yourself that you know who she is based on her history and she will be back to that as soon as she is done putting on a show for whatshisface. Enjoy the pleasantries while they last, it is a good memory making opportunity.
Since her grandmother's not
Since her grandmother's not home to watch the kids if she doesn't let us have them there's no one else to watch them. I'm fully aware of this so we'll see how long it last.
Either way if it's just one extra day or it keeps going we'll take we can get.
My boyfriend said he knows the guy she's with and feels bad for him. They weren't close friends or anything but if BM hasn't changed then this poor guy doesn't know what he's in for.
yep
The New Guy Syndrom. It makes even the worst HCGUBM play nice and sweet, at least for a little while. Then, if hes really nice, he sees the true colors one day and suddenly "poof" he suddenly dissappears, she wants the kids back because she needs them for comfort. OR hes as bad as she is (happened to us), and they bring out the worst in each other, and kiddos call you one night, sobbing, for you to please come pick them up, mom and boyfriend are drinking and fighting...
Like Maxwell09 said, enjoy it
Like Maxwell09 said, enjoy it while it lasts. She may go back to normal, but if the change is because of the BF and it works out, maybe the change will last. However, I would document all the extra time you have with the children. If things do eventually go back, then you may be able to use it to gain more time with the children in court.
I wonder if New BF knows she
I wonder if New BF knows she has kids? Or if he has put his foot down that he won't be a SF?
Just play the game. There isn't anything else to do, and you'll drive yourself nuts trying to figure out what her next move it.
Ya, I'd count my lucky stars
Ya, I'd count my lucky stars and just enjoy it while it lasts. When BM got a new man, she always tried to keep the kids more. She would get guys attached to the skids so they wouldn't leave her when her true colors showed. It usually didn't work. Then she would drop the kids off randomly on our doorstep when her and new man were fighting. Ugh. I am so glad those days are over. Last kid emancipated in January!
Hopefully it stays this way!
But be wary, which it seems like you already are. BM reached out to me one night to "talk", after doing the most horrible things to us you could pretty much imagine. I agreed, against SO's advice (he was actually mad that I was considering it), because I just wanted to try, in case it could make things easier with skids. We talked for a long time, it went well, as long as I ignored the delusional comments about how mean my SO is to her and she "didn't even do anything to deserve it". As if i hadn't been around for years to witness her antics, or been a victim of them myself. Anyway, for about a month or so after, things were great- her and I text about skids occasionally, very friendly, which avoided the standard fights between her and my SO. About 6 weeks into this arrangement, she text me one day about something and it was all smiley faces and !!!!!, seemingly still friendly....when actually, she had called CPS on us because we were taking skids on a trip to Mexico and she was adamant they shouldn't go, so she told CPS that and also that we were abusing them in some form or another. It was something about me, that I didn't give SD her medicine on time or something, even while she was pretending to be nice to me.
Anyway, that was the end of that. I sent her a long message letting her know what a psycho she was, and that our days of communicating were over, and then I blocked her and we haven't talked since.
It seems like these good spells don't last a lot of times. I hope your case is different, but don't trust her!