Not a real mom...
I am at a baby shower. I arrived late because I had to deal with the children.
“So how many children do you have?” says a smiling and interested mother whom I have been getting along really well with.
“I have two step sons.”
“Ohhhh,” says the smiling mother, voice trailing off.
Five minutes later the group of ladies I am with have turned from me and are talking in a huddle. I am on the outer. Why? Because I used that word, that damn word… ‘step’....
Will there ever come a time when stepmom's are not judged or viewed negatively? One can only hope... so I wrote a blog post about it...
- i am a stepmother's blog
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Comments
When someone asks me how many
When someone asks me how many kids I have, I say, "None."
My DH has 2 but they are not mine, so....
I don't use that damn word, 'step' in real life. My DH's daughters are his daughters and my dad's wife is his wife.
Thank you! I tell you, it
Thank you! I tell you, it never ends. The other day I was again told that I could 'never understand' by a friend... Ok maybe I'll never understand being a birth mother but Im a step mother and that is a unique situation with its own problems.
If you aren't comfortable
If you aren't comfortable with word "step" don't use it. My "Mom" is technically my step-mom, but I introduce her as my mom. So I say do what works for you and your family.
^Same as buggy^ I introduce
^Same as buggy^
I introduce my step mom as my mom.
My dad and her married when I was like 16, but all steps aside, she has been there for me, supported me and my kids and been a great grandma and well, I guess I don't think you have to be blood to be a mom, but I too am a step mom.
That is so sweet that you
That is so sweet that you call your step mom 'mom'. I hope my boys grow up to realise my contribution to their lives. I am actually comfortable being called step mom as their mom is still around and I don't want to replace her . But I am lucky that my boys get it, and when I'm referred to as their mom by others or when they are referred to as my children they go with it.
OH and "when are u gonna have
OH and "when are u gonna have one of your ooowwwwnnnn???" that one drives me bat$#!t.
i just go with "the boys". strangers dont need to know any history, and people who do know dont need it spelled out again. and instead of saying "dad and tuff", they kids will take the easy way out too and say "my parents".
but remember, dh has full custody and we've been together most of their lives. i'm sure it's wildly different when there's far less contact.
OMG! Me too! I don't plan on
OMG! Me too! I don't plan on having my own... never have. But I get this all the time. And women always say 'its different when they're yours' . Ugh if I hear that one more time... :sick:
I actually say that more
I actually say that more often too. I say 'my husband has two boys' or ' my husband's boys'. And I get asked that alllllll the time! Drives me nuts! It's so rude actually. I'm busy with 2 boys already, I don't plan on having 'my own'.
Scene: SD's maternal aunt
Scene: SD's maternal aunt hosted a baby shower. All attendees except me were from the maternal side of the family. (BM died after the divorce that she initiated)
I am having a nice conversation with one of BM's cousins children. She can't figure out who I am. Am I a distant relative? A friend of SD? A neighbor? Finally she asks who I am.
I inwardly debate. Dad's wife = no relation. Step mom = quasi family relation. I decide that since every else there is related I'll claim quasi relationship, so I say I'm her step mom.
Conversation ended very quickly and the woman avoided me for the rest of the shower.
Happens all the time doesn't
Happens all the time doesn't it? So judgemental. It's ridiculous but I am so used to it now. I don't tend to bond with the mom's but It would be nice. As a stepmom we need support too. Im so glad I found this forum and you girls
LMAO sally! That's funny!
LMAO sally! That's funny!
Yes! As time has gone on I
Yes! As time has gone on I have become more comfortable in my role and don't feel the need to explain myself or 'prove myself' . In the early days I definitely thought I had to explain things... but not anymore.
Thank God for champagne!
That is soooo cute! I'm
That is soooo cute! I'm fortunate that my SS's are totally cool when others assume they are my own. I think they totally get the awkwardness of explaining the situation. Like when Santa says, 'Be good for your mommy' while looking at me... They just go with it.
As for feeling hurt, I used to feel very hurt and felt the need to explain myself somehow. To prove I was a caring stepmom, now I just accept it as i know I AM.
Being a full time stepmom
Being a full time stepmom deserves a f' reward! I would like to see women like you honoured. I am a part time step mom, and i am happy to be called a step mom but there is so much stigma attached to that term when really, it is a special role that is becoming the norm now.
You are so right! It really
You are so right! It really IS an indication of their limitations. I never thought of it like that. I actually have a career and a few interests up my belt... I could easily talk about those, but it's always 'kids, kids, kids'
When people ask how many kids
When people ask how many kids I have, I say 4.
I have 2 bios and 2 skids.
The only one who objects to the statement is SD who if with me will still to this day at 10 years old yell "your not my real mom"
But then again she has been the ONLY one who likes to create drama to seperate the family, she gets her inspiration from BM.
Ok, so I guess I have 3 technically cuz ss doesn't act like a fool in public when I say 4.
I should just say 3 and point to her and say "that's NOT one of them"
Lol
It's so bloody complicated
It's so bloody complicated isn't it. There's never a simple answer. :?
I just say I have no kids.
I just say I have no kids. If the question was addressed to DH and I both (as often happens) I'll say I don't have any, but he has one son 30.
And if I get a chance later (if DH is not there) I'll add "DH's son has issues and we don't see him much." In other words don't ask anything more.