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DONE

I am nothing to them's picture

Submitted by I am nothing to them on Tue, 05/21/2024 - 10:30am

Background: Husband, 2 bios, 3 steps

I didn't realize how much my steps hated me until they were grown. I swear I have PTSD from having them as step kids. I physically get ill when it comes to them. 

My bio son's daughter was getting married and suddenly my daughter-in-law became the best of friends with step #2. She had her co-ordinate the whole wedding. This is the step who has to take over everything. I was dreading this day just waiting for a year for the attack to take place. I knew it would come I just didn't know when. I was baking the cake for the wedding as a gift, and the attack happened the weekend before. I took a break to rest my back when a teenager who has called me grandma since she was a little girl, posted a picture of the two of us at an event at school that she envited me to. It was our last time walking together and she said how much she loved me. I reposted it because it was such a sweet sentiment. I have never bought this girl a thing. I have never invited her to do anything with me. I just seen her when I was around her at one of my bio's house because she was friends of the family. Bur she loved me anyway. Before long I got a text message from the girl saying she was sorry and that she didn't mean to cause trouble. I had no clue what she was talking about. My steps (including the one who had me blocked, had to come out of the woodwork) and step-grandkids were tearing me up on facebook. I saw the post and read the first few words and got off Facebook. I was not getting involved. I REFUSED to read the crap. Before long my bio's got involved, including my bio son who used his daughter's account to address them (they were furious and let me know what they did). My husband read it and shared a few pieces. I told him I was not reading their crap and I was/am done. Then we started getting texts messages from the one who took over the wedding. I refused and still refuse, to open the texts. When i wouldn't answer my husband said they started attacking him. I cried all weekend knowing I was being attacked, but I was determined not to show up for their infantile rants. I got sick to my stomach, was shaking, and had a headache all weekend long. I was so upset that when I continued baking I had to throw part of it out because I ruined it. That is why I think I have PTSD or PTSKD post traumatic step kid disorder. I can not control becoming ill. Finally, I made one post on my page since I knew they would read it, and said, "For my own peace of mind, I am completely, utterly, categorically, enequivocally without a doubt DONE." Then I posted the meme that says, "Sometimes you just have to be done. Not mad, not upset, JUST DONE." I chose from that moment on not to have anything to do with them. I walked away. It is sad when you turn children against their grandparents through manipulation. They held the kids over our heads. They never invited us to anything and was mad if we went to the ones who did. They lie and tell half truths and now the grands are doing it. One grandson defriended me a while back and said I de-friended him.  This bout one of the step grands de-friended me. I refuse to be their punching bag anymore. I decided if they were at the wedding I would only speak if I had to, and it would be like they were just guests of the wedding. Only one showed and that was the take over wedding co-ordinator. I asked her once if she wanted to use some chocolates I made to put on the tables. She motioned and said,, "You can put them anywhere," and walked off. Then I seen her at a graduation party. I didn't know most of the people there so I treated her the same. I went straight over to sit with some guests I was acquainted with. I never even seen her leave. There are just some relationships you do not need to be in, and these are them. I imagine the gossip parties and the attempts they are making to turn my bio grands against me.  I figure, if they truly love me, they will not let it effect them. Yet, gossip with a sharp tongue, and half truths rolling off of it daily can become believable. I will take it as it comes I guess. Life is too short for drama. 

 

Comments

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 05/21/2024 - 10:44am

Husband always downplays the importance of words. He feels that if his family wants to believe the worst of him and the outright lies, then he doesnt need them in his life.

The emotional terrorism is real.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Tue, 05/21/2024 - 2:07pm

Maybe he just doesn't understand that not everybody can just walk away and that not everybody has the skin of a rhino?

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can break my heart."

 

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 05/21/2024 - 11:26am

If you are DONE.. be done.. no more meme's... take a social media break.. you don't have to give them one ounce of space in your head if you don't want to.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Tue, 05/21/2024 - 11:44am

Could I just suggest that you make sure that the teen who really does care about you knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that she is, in no way, responsible for what happened and that she understands how much you appreciate her.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Tue, 05/21/2024 - 11:57am

They sound trashy. Putting drama in Facebook comments. I agree with being done with them. 

MorningMia's picture

Submitted by MorningMia on Tue, 05/21/2024 - 1:10pm

 Finally, I made one post on my page since I knew they would read it, and said, "For my own peace of mind, I am completely, utterly, categorically, enequivocally without a doubt DONE." Then I posted the meme that says, "Sometimes you just have to be done. Not mad, not upset, JUST DONE." I chose from that moment on not to have anything to do with them. I walked away.

This was a good unemotional message. You are not giving them the reaction they are seeking. Do not renege on your promise to yourself--Have nothing to do with them any longer. Block on social media and by phone, unfriend, batten down the hatches. 

I'm sorry you've been subjected to this. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 05/21/2024 - 1:32pm

Well played. I am very sorry you have had to deal with this shit show.

Take care of you and enjoy being done.

Give rose

Little Type Amy's picture

Submitted by Little Type Amy on Tue, 05/21/2024 - 2:01pm

True story... I have also experienced  PTSD or PTSKD post traumatic step kid disorder as well. I Get it Completely. It should be an official diagnosis for all of us SP's. It really is a thing and explains so much.  I also get the same physical & emotional reactions and heightened anxiety & instantly at even the mere thought of my Skid. Also, the shaking and the depression too since any interaction with her just leaves me feeling so rattled, no matter what kind of nice act she fronts, since something about her always made me uncomfortable ( for good reason) despite efforts to ignore it. But It just happens automatically without fail. Its important to remember that if your heart and mind are ever  in conflict, then thats when you look to your gut instincts, spidey senses as your guide. Those feelings are presenting themselves for a reason. Just remember that. In case you havent done so already, just take steps to protect yourself from the toxicity any way you can. Block them all on social media if you dont decide to unfriend all the trash altogether.

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Tue, 05/21/2024 - 2:20pm

To be DONE is to be DONE. The troublemakers do not need access to YOU. That means BLOCKING them on your phone (no more ugly texts), blocking them on email (no more ugly emails) and block them on social media. That way, they will NEVER see what you post again and you will not see their ugliness (and no DMs from those toxic folks). While they will be at events you attend for your own bio kids, I would NOT invite them to anything you host for your family. Your DH wants to see his crew? Away from the marital home. That's another thing I'd fight for...your DH seeing them away from your joint home. He can take them to lunch/dinner. And if he insists they visit your home, then quickly make plans for YOU to be OUT of the house. Let your DH cook, clean and entertain his kids. If you send gifts, STOP. That is your DHs job. DONE is DONE. 

This is my stance with DHs kids. For many years, they've had no way to contact me. While DH has told them all to leave me alone, I don't need his help. Took care of it myself. I am also at the point, I don't care what they say about me. The people that believe their lies don't matter to me anyway so why care? And if people that love me and KNOW me want to suddenly believe that BS, then let them. At my age, I don't have time to waste on ridiculous people. I have a beautiful life filled with people who DO know my heart, my character and the truth. My walk in this world has not changed much over the past 20 years except me working on being a better human. My truth speaks loudly on it's own.

DHs kids antics also produced PTSD in me....and it makes me very angry I let that happen. I am much much better these days but I let those nasty humans bring me to a very low place mentally and it will NEVER happen again..with them or anyone.

I suggest you see a counselor who has experience in the High Conflict Toxic StepWorld so you can lessen those PTSD affects. Best to you and a big hug. I know it's not an easy journey but we must take what life gives us and find a way to make it as peaceful as possible. In StepHell, it often means cutting people out of your life completely....or until they can grow up, come to you and make amends. Don't hold your breath on that one.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Wed, 05/22/2024 - 9:36am

We just don't know we have it.  Disengage from SK.  DH trying to play middle man, keeping all sides happy.  He can't do that it's just doesn't work.  Side with your Bio's kids. It's you against the SK.  That a fact. Understand that. And act accordingly 

Shieldmaiden's picture

Submitted by Shieldmaiden on Wed, 05/29/2024 - 12:53pm

I have been there too. The PTSD is real. I could have written that first paragraph myself, in fact. I've been torn up on facebook by my SD's for just trying to help them out. It sucks. Sometimes you have to cut the cord and let them go. They don't deserve your love. Just remember, its not everyone. Its just them. You are loveable, and they are wrong for putting their kids in the middle of their BS.

It will get better. Put all that energy into you and those that you love that appreciate you.