"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

Just general rudeness. Lack of respect and common courtsey. I think these two traits are a BIG part of why so many of us SM's have such a problem with our skids.

Example-SD17 doesn't understand why I want her to knock when she gets here. Ummmm. I don't really need a reason. It's called MANNERS.

So the lack of manners feeds a lack of disrespect, and pretty soon you have a bilgerent kid with an attitude!

Old fashioned? Maybe. Common sense? definately.

I guess I have old fashioned values also. I insist on please and thank you from my kids. In fact, I have done so since they were little. After every gift giving occasion I made my kids sit down and HAND write (not type on the computer) thank you notes. I keep stationary and cards for all occasions on hand. BUT my kids MUST do handwritten thank you cards. I don't care if a kid did not bring a gift to the party, they must thank them for attending because it is not just about the gift. They sometimes do letters to family that live in another state. WHY? Because I try to teach them that something so small and insignificant to them can mean the world to someone having a bad day. AND they have seen it first hand. The kids Aunt was having a difficult time and all of sudden she checks her mail to find a letter saying I know I don't call as much as I should, but I wanted to let you know that you are special to me and I love you dearly. Love SS. The Aunt called crying to tell him how much that meant to her. He beamed with pride at the thought of it. I try to instill in them that it takes nothing to take 5 minutes out of their day to say HI I'm thinking of you to someone and not to want or expect anything in return.

Also, when we 1st got custody of the kids they wanted to call me mom. I didn't have a problem with that but I wanted it to be their doing and I did not want it to be awkward with BM so I told them that if they no longer wanted to that they could call me Ms. Principlist. They eventually went to Ms. Principlist when BM started coming around more. The thing is that all of their friends refer to me as Ms. Principlist also. But I set the tone early on that I am not their equal and I am not their peer. They have some friends that call their parents by their first names. How rude is THAT?

Don't get me started on the phone manners even though I must say overall the kids main friends are pretty pleasant on the phone. It is the school friends that they mainly interact with in school that are R-U-D-E. They have called my house to say "Who dis?" To which I have said, Excuse me come again. Oh Is so-and-so there? Well hello to you too! I taught my kids when they were young how to properly use the phone and ask for a person respectfully. It's just common courtesy and decency. BM would allow them to use no manners whatsoever. I would say hello and they would say where's my dad? I don't need to tell you that I corrected that quickly. BM tried to teach them that I didn't matter. Well when you are calling MY house and MY phone it does matter. It's not hard or difficult to be polite.

Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P

and Good God almightly these kids are just plain crazy. I have met some of the rudest most obnoxious socially retarded teenagers in my life here. If I had acted the way they do, not only would I never have had a job, but my parents would have whooped me! That's right whooped me for the disrespect of older people. Oooh, one time I lied to my daddy and I thought my life was gonna end, but i never did it again. I firmly believe that half of these teenagers could still use a good smack in the back of the head. My son spent the night at a friends house last night and they were kind enough to bring him home. I asked, "did you say thank you" and he said "of course I did" like I was crazy for asking. Thank goodness my boys have manners, most of the time. But I fear we are raising a generation of snotty crappy rude know-it-all brats. Where's my belt? Someone's gonna get it! No really, I rarely hit my kids, of course never my step, that's dad's job, but when my boy lies to me, that's it, no second chance, he's done-and he knows it. So guess what? He just doesn't do it anymore. It took about 3 times, but he learned real quick not to lie to mom and dad. Some call it abuse-bullpucky-I call it discipline.
One more thing-my SS 16 and SS17 dislike their new stepdad quite a bit, but we still tell them, you don't have to like the guy, but you better show respect, that is your mom's husband and you have no place to be rude. We hate it, but it is the right thing to teach them.

"A parents job is to eat as much sh*t as we have to so that the children do not."

A resounding YES YES YES!!!! I think DPWB hit the nail on the head with a lot of what she said!!

Taken a walk through your child's school halls after the bell rings at the end of the day lately??? The halls are filled with kids that are completely out of control, running in the halls, hooting and hollering, running into each other, adult, and little toddlers and knocking them over because they are running with their head looking over their shoulder behind them and just behaving like absolute "idiots"!!! It's like a zoo in which all the animals have escaped their cages!!!

When I was 8 months pregnant with our son I had a 9 year old boy run full bore into my stomach because he came running around a corner not looking where he was going at my kids elementary school!! This certainly was not allowed to take place when I went to school!!! We entered and exited the school in a single file line and quietly or we were majorly busted!! Teachers and monitors were all over in the hall way to make sure that the kids were walking, doing so quietly, and with out a bunch of stupidity going on..

I have noticed this trend with the social delay and rudeness-and I believe it is indicative of parenting (or lack of)-I remember actually having to "teach" my bio-kids-please, thank you, how to answer a phone, take a message, write a thank you note-when to use Mr. Miss. Ms. Dr. Sir. It was a pain teaching them, however now that I see them in public in their mid-twenties-Well Worth the Effort!

I notice SS16-does not use please and thank you-does not acknowledge anyone entering a room or leaving at the door (you know-good old-hello, goodbye)-does not think of others only himself-will get himself a drink/snack etc. and not offer anyone else one. Is chronically late or does not bother to show up at all (for work, school)-when you do something for him you get the silent treatment (like you are supposed to wait on him!)-he demands things does not ask.

DH wonders why I am not "warming" up to the teen critter- :O

DH is beginning to see the light re the parenting by osmosis..very embarrassing to say the least!

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

I see all kinds.

I remember when I was in junior high and was disgusted by some of the behavior I saw among my peers---and even then it was within the non-educated/lower classes. I still see it there. The problem is that it is creeping into the mainstream cluture. The lines of cultured and non-cultured are starting to diminish due to the "everything is okay" culture we have today.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Almost every time someone calls my phone by mistake, like they have the wrong number, they always ask "who's this"!!! I'm like, "WHO'S THIS?" I usually have to ask who they're looking for and tell them wrong number. So many rude people, and they're not all kids!

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

I completely agree and I think there is too much soft parenting, touchy-feely don't hurt their feelings, give them all a participation award and god forbid if you resort to spanking a butt here and there. I had a strict upbringing and we were taught to obey adults and be polite. Adults were Mr or Mrs X and you said, please, thank you and excuse me. And you never, ever talked back to an adult. I feel soft parenting has taught kids there are no consequences for bad choices, that if they work the system just right they won't get into trouble, be grounded or lose privileges. (by the way...I don't advocate beating children or spanking as a first, second or third reaction....I'm just saying the threat was enough sometimes).

My darling H was so proud of his smart a** kid. He would be with his friends and told me they would say "Boy....she's a chip off the old block...a real ball buster just like dad."

The first time she smarted off at me I let her have it. You are a child and I'm an adult and YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT. Then H (who was BF at the time) told me he instructed her to speak her mind but to remember that there are people who won't appreciate it. WTF??? I said, like who....every adult you come across? You're letting a 10 y/o girl speak to adults any way she wants to and she has to discern on her own when it's okay and when it is not? Really? Really, you're comfortable with that?

But like a sneaky snake I waited and waited because I knew my day would come. Now she turns that mouth on him and he made the comment "Why does she talk to me like that, must be her mother." I said wait one damn minute fella.......though your ex is a major psycho and extremely rude don't for one minute blame her for SD13's behavior. That is purely your fault.

He said what? No it isn't....I said really....YOU are the one that told her she could speak her mind and say anything she wants. YOU are the one that told her she'd have to figure out who would appreciate it and who wouldn't. YOU are the one who taught her it was okay to be rude and disrespectful to adults. So buddy.....congratulations...you are reaping what you sowed. Don't blame her because you gave her the green light to talk to adults this way. He said....and I quote....I figured she would know the difference. I said WHAT? You never TAUGHT her the difference so how would she automatically know? Dumba**.

Now he's getting better about calling her out on her words and behavior and I always, always call her out on how she speaks to me. When she interrupts me I say....Gee SD13...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt the beginning of your sentence with the middle of mine. Or when she uses inappropriate language....SD....you are a kid (or when she really pisses me off a "little girl") and you have not earned the right to speak to me or around me using that language. Clean it up or close it up and go to your room.

I absolutely do not and will not tolerate bad behavior from her and when she does it, I give her one chance to correct it. If she doesn't I tell her the conversation is over, dismiss her and tell her to leave the room.

As for other children that I run in to.....my house, my rules. During a sleep over last summer, I let one young girl know I was no push-over. She kept using bad language and so I walked back into my SD's room, opened the door after one knock and said....ENOUGH...if I so much as hear one more foul word out of any of your mouths I will be driving you all home. Ask SD about how many chances I give her...they looked at her and she said only ONE. I turned back to these girls and let them know...they are still children in my eyes and in my home. My home...my rules. Clean it up or I will take supreme pleasure in driving each of you home. What? Only such an so is using bad language. I said tough....if she blows it again you all go home. End of story.

Worked like a charm.

Never eat more than you can lift.
Miss Piggy