Welcome to STalk vent away!

I have to say though that it sounds like you need to have a conversation with your BF & discuss behavior that you find unacceptable & see if the two of you can work together to make the situation more manageable...if he doesn't stop her behavior now, imagine 5 or 10 years down the line...OUCH!

Does your SD visit her BM or GP's?

I'm resident SM of SS9 & SD7...they only see their BM for about a week per year so I know what it's like not getting a break. I am lucky that my MIL is happy to have them on weekends that she's free (which aren't all that often, but I take what I can)

SO & I try to make sure to enjoy our evenings once the SKids are in bed, so that's good too.

Again, welcome

Echo is right. It's one of the same. And the decision to become a stepparent is a serious one. All I can say, don't let your "love" clouds your "judgement". Good luck to you.

If I were you, I would find another person who does not have kids. Please do this while you still can.

When you become a mum you don't the luxury of "alone time" the way you would if no children are involved. You would have known the child existed when you got into the relationship - that is what your friends more than likely think....and it's true, you did. However, what I am sure you didn't know is that your boyfriend was going to sit around and do absolutely nothing about his 3 year old being rude.
Your problem is far from being the 3 year old, your problem is your boyfriend who seems to be either too lazy or too disinterested to parent his child.

This is not going to get better if your boyfriends behaviour does not change, in fact Echo is right, the sweet release of death is what you will be praying for the older she gets.

It is a shame that you are beginning to dislike the child - understandable, but a shame, because the truth is it is your boyfriend you should be beginning to dislike, she wasn't born like this, he encouraged this in her because he hasn't bothered to teach her right from wrong.

Anyway, there are a million stories on here that you can read, but the theme that runs through them all is...spineless, lazy dads who let their princess daughters run not only their lives, but everyones life because it is easier for dad to sit back and do nothing than it is to parent his child.

Unless the two of you can work out the rules and boundaries and stick to them consistantly, this little girl is going to have a difficult life because the world is not going to treat her like daddy does, and your life is not going to be any better. Please do not resent this little girl, sort it out with her father. If he lets her disrespect you, he is in fact disrespecting you himself.

One of the things I find to be most confounding is the experience of, one, disliking a child. I could not have imagined it before my current life, wherein I have intense feelings of dislike toward my step daughter. This does not seem right to me. And to feel the intense negative emotions and judgments I do toward the children of the man I love more than I could possibly express is absolutely confusing, disorienting. They come from him, he is who my eye always wanders to, my mind thinks about, my heart beats fast for. Yet, I dread his children.
I agree with the overall sentiment of the feedback that what you are experiencing is more reflective of your partner than his daughter. She is three years old. She has no power to evoke anything. It is lack of things in her life that you are seeing evidence themselves.
I don't know that you will be able to change what he and his ex have going on.

At a theme park this summer my husband and I were holding hands. Out of nowhere my SD7 comes up from behind and grabs our hands and rips them apart and then tries to hold my husbands hand. My husband swatted her on the butt and told her to never do it again. She started to do the poor me teary eyed thing and my husband told her to not even think about crying because she knew what she did was mean. He grabbed my hand and we continued walking. Lo and behold guess who comes up and grabs dad's other hand. She knew what she was doing. I have been in her life for over 5 years and this is how long it took my husband to do this. I see the light!!!!!