OT - in-law with fundraiser but can sell her house, etc. and won't...should we contribute?
Well, yesterday I saw a similar post here about a lady complaining that a co-worker asked for money for her disabled son, while she went out on shopping sprees...so it hit me, here we go again.
My MIL claims she was diagnosed with liver cancer a few months ago...it's honestly a bit strange, but whatever...She claims she is going to have a liver transplant, needs to travel the US, blah, blah, blah...ok, fine...whatever...But, my husband's brother tells my brother HE should call his mother as they are having FUNDRAISERS to help her with the cost of the trip, operation, etc...hmmm
Here is my problem...Currently, because we have busted OUR ASS we have some decent savings, not 100K but, around 40K...HOWEVER, my job is NOT stable, our son has autism and we STILL PAY OUT OF POCKET for his speech therapies (he's at a7yr old level and he's 11), soon my DH won't have medical insurance through work, so we will have to pay for private...etc...but OF COURSE, I KNOW that DH MIGHT feel guilty about not contributing to his mother's liver transplant or whatever...
Now here is the OTHER side...DH has a 36yr old sister who lives in one of the rental houses his mother has FOR FREE, she also gets govt money for school (yes, ridiculous) and being disabled (she's a little person)...but she works doing nails and pays no taxes, etc. from her house...she pays ZERO to the electricity, water, food, rental, etc...
Now MIL also has another rental house, a party places she rents about every weekend for about 400USD (income not reported), HER HOUSE IS PAID FOR 100%...yes, total land/house plus the rentals is worth even in today's crappy economy about 400-500K...in better days closer to 1MIL, but at east 500K today...which she COULD SELL, she could also do a REVERSE mortgage on, etc...they have 3 cars in the house, although neither MIL nor FIL work outside the home...
We paid 100% of our son's therapies and SOLD our home when we could no longer afford it because of CS and paying medical bills, so that we wouldn't have to ask ANYONE for money...mind you, THEY KNEW of our struggles and never even offered to give us 20USD for anything...when my parents did at least send us money in the form of Christmas and Birthday presents so we had a bit more...
So, do you think it would be WRONG for me to not want to help her in any way? I am torn because although I cant' stand her and she has made my DHs life and mine miserable for years, now that she's sick she has backed off...and well, she could die...but at the same time, I feel that she has plenty of equity, etc. to get money if she wanted to and instead expects OTHERS to make sacrifices...
PS - her husband won the lottery a few months ago...when we came over, after not seeing DH for over 2 yrs, I guess she felt guilty and gave him 100USD as part of the lottery winnings...DH did not want to take it but then realized that if he didn't, she'd give it to someone else and she had NEVER paid for anything we paid for her that she promised to pay us back for...hmmm...You'd think she would have been saving money instead for her surgery, right?
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Since finances are clearly a
Since finances are clearly a struggle for you, I would think that financially contributing is an unrealistic and unreasonable expectation. Especially when there are other means of financial support for her.
I would say that if you are feeling kindly, perhaps help out by cleaning her home or driving her to/from doctors appointments. You know, donations of time rather than cash.
At least, that's what I would do if it were me.
Give her her $100 back.
Give her her $100 back.
Yep. Write her a check for
Yep. Write her a check for $100. Also, like someone else said, why is she coming to the US? My biodad got a liver transplant but nearly died waiting to be approved for Medicaid because it is STUPID CRAZY EXPENSIVE, plus the anti-rejection medications and close followup. She cant just pop in the US, get a liver, and pop home. It is a long, expensive process with a lot of screening and waiting before hand (unless she has a live donor set up).
Send the check in a nice home
Send the check in a nice home made card.
She claims that she is
She claims that she is already in the donor list and that she is "high on the list"...hmmm...who knows. PR is part of the US, so the insurance companies here pay here or in the US, etc...so I guess that's it...who knows.
Yes, she had said that it was a long period, that she would probably have to rent an apt there, etc...but HER HUSBAND doesn't want to move or go there...nice, huh? So last we heard the 36 yr old would be going with her...I have no clue.
I think my DH is still trying to figure this mess out, as he is really kept out of the loop...but he has his stupid brother calling him telling him stuff like "mom is doing a fundraiser" blah, blah, blah...I guess to make him feel guilty? Who knows.
I am playing it by ear right now, as my DH hasn't really mentioned giving her any money, but I have a feeling it WILL come up as the rest of the family pressures him about her needing money...it really sucks because I know if it was my mom, I would feel bad not helping out...but on the other hand, my parents have always saved for a rainy day and they NEVER do...hmmm
PS - in a perfect world we could talk to them about how to raise money, but of course, they will NOT ever listen to us anyway...when she complained constantly to us that she had no medical insurance, we gave her options, ie. sell your house, the one you have to hire someone to mow your lawn because it has about 10 acres...she would not... of course, they DO listen to my DH's sister who is lazy and has been on welfare for who knows how long...sigh