Issue 1- what skids want has to be done imeadieatly, they call the shots, they run the show end of story.
--- Not by you.

Issue 2- hubby works long hours so I get home first the kids go out and do activities and things and dh will tell them to go and at the last possible min. Tells me I have to go pick them up or take them somewhere and if I don't pick them up they are stuck somewhere so I'm backed right in a corner, he literally Waits till they are already there to tell me I have to go get them

--- You HAVE to?? At some point you have to own up that you are letting him boss you around. Its worth the fight sometimes to stand up for yourself.

Issue 3- I'm spent/exhausted! I get up and hour early every day to drive hubby to work,in another town ( we have 1 car) drive myself to work in a different town, then drive back to pick him up and home again to cook and clean.... WTF doesn't he see the toll all this is taking on me or is he just to afraid to tell his kids no!

---Wow, I bet you are! This really sucks. You do it though and you get your job done. DH gets to work and gets his job done. He needs to share in the cooking and cleaning, he needs to control his kids. Not your problem.

Issue 4- I've asked him everyday this week to stop offering rides if they go somewhere then the same person can give them a ride home and yet he did it to me again today!

----He can offer all he wants, its you that is doing the action. Just don't do it. Again, some fights are worth it to stand up for yourself. He is taking you for granted and taking advantage.

Issue 5- now by this time youngest ss10 is wound up bouncing off the walls and throwing fits and trying to make every one feel guilty for not getting right up and doing what he wants when he wants it.... All of us are exhausted by the end of the day- by the time this fit it over it's 11 pm to drag myself out of bed at 430am and do it all over again!

--- He can't make you feel guilty unless you allow it. a 10 year old is just going to try to get his way. All you can do is stand firm. NO

Issue6- I feel invisible no matter how much i tell dh how he could make things a little easier on both of us his choice is always agree with me then act like nothing is wrong or I'm the bad guy asking him to step up

---- Of course you are the bad guy. You are a great scape goat. I've been there. Remove yourself from the equation and it stops. He needs to handle is kids. If he doesnt' want to step up, then that's on him. He needs to understand that you don't HAVE to do anything. Its all helping and favors for him and kids.

Sounds like DH has a tough lesson to learn. He'll kick and scream at first, but given some time, he'll learn. How about you rip off that band-aid.

And by your screen name you're only TWENTY THREE YEARS OLD???

And are going through this crap at such a young age????

Seriously??

My youngest SON is your age and I've advised him not to get married or have children till at LEAST age 27!!

Dear, you are MUCH MUCH too young to be going through this!!! It will kill your physical health as well.

Get the book "Stepmonster" STAT!!

Read thoroughly

Start to disengage especially if biodad/H wants you to have the classic SM/doormat role of "100% responsibilty accompanied by 0% authority."

Thank you vickmeister...I need to hear this. I believe I'm being taken advantage of and I need to start taking my life back. I went into this marriage/relationship with a partner mentality. I never asked for much, just some time for *us* but his job takes him away 50% of the time and when he returns, makes plenty of time for kids, friends and his things and then there's nothing left for me (laying in bed sleeping doesn't count as quality alone time,IMO..lol). I keep pitching in and offering my help, vehicle, time, $$ in hopes that the magic word reciprocity will seep in....it did a little at first, but it's gone now. I know I need to start writing things down in a journal so I can compose my thoughts and start telling him how I feel, but that's another challenge all by itself. I can't believe there are other ppl having these issues, I just thought it was me complaining, but after reading some of these posts, I don't think so. Thank you

Try the diengagement technique. I started this and it actually works and I have been much happier since the implemenation. You can find it on this site.