3 weekends and 2 weeks straight and about half way thru it and I just broke tonight, flat out just broke. Everything came out even things I would of much rather kept to myself for the sake of coming off as a terrible un-caring human. Let me just put this out there as well, I absolutely love kids and the only thing I ever wanted to be was a mom and it saddens me that I am not, I almost was once, but I lost the child.
Now, as anyone who's read another blog/post knows I'm not dealing with just any children here, I'm dealing with 2 children with no boundaries or respect and spoiled.... Moving onto next point...
Ss10 turned my bathroom into his own private beach last night right down to swimming In the tub and making my floor the ocean. I wasn't impressed, especially since I got stuck cleaning it up after I fell on the floor, 10 mins prior I stepped on my last toy car I just blew my top tonight.
I haven't had a moments peace, privacy or rest since they arrived last Friday. Im burnt out on the guilty dad parenting, fighting, crying, screeching and messes!
I break down to DH- I say I just can't take it anymore Amd full on full blown tears come that just won't stop. Sadness, frustration and guilt all built up. I tell him I just want a moments peace, I don't want to clean up after them anymore, I don't want to feel like I can't speak with out them talking I've me, I miss being able to use the bathroom or shower with out them standing on front of the door, I can't wake up to another morning to a dirty living room when it was spotless b4 bed ( mind u they undress in the living room, fall asleep there, eat everything and it's all over my new carpet lost is endless) I want to be able to read a sentence without being interrupted an most of all I miss having 5 seconds alone without anyone bothering me. And I miss having a conversation with my husband without a big tempertantrum diverson by skids. I'm sick of them taking my seat as soon as I get up I'm sick of it all and it's all bc YOU let them act this way I don't even think it's their fault!!!! I told him I purposly changed the show i was watching to teen mom bc I KNEW his son would leave the room and I truly feel bad that I just can't force myself to want to hang out with them for another second. That I wished he would teach them how to act respectfully, and set real boundaries how I felt like no matter what I did i was never gonna win I tried and I lost. His response - I'm sorry I have kids!!! I wanted to scream FU that's not the issue!!!
I thought i was gonna have atleast an hour alone to finish writing this yet again rudely interrupted by ss10 there is just no room to breath unless I'm sleeping until tomorrow