Time for some research
I'm not sure if anyone can even see this, but I'm frustrated and I need to get it out. I end up having to watch my step kids a lot. Well, at least until school starts.
They've been trained not to listen to me, I hate to admit this has been done by both sides. My husband has done it either on purpose or inadvertently...I honestly couldn't tell you which.
Whenever I get after them for blatantly defying me he covers for them or tries to make it all better for them. :/
I've tried not dealing with them when they're here, but it's kind of impossible. I'm working on detaching from any feelings or expectations regarding them.
I'm trying to find a smarter way to deal with them. I'm pretty intelligent, and have tried to be very above board, fair and honest when dealing with them. All they do is lie and cheat and defy, then run to daddy when I give them a perfectly logical consequence.
I guess I need to figure out how to play a bit dirtier to get my point across. I don't want to do them any harm or anything either emotionally or physically. I just... need something that works. Preferably something that gets the point across without the ability for interference by the parents. So that it's instantaneous instead of lasting long enough for him to undo it.
I can tell my kids to do things, even ask in the right situation and it goes well. If not, my logical or natural consequences seem to get through well. But not with his kids with the undermining from their mom and dad.
I'm not even sure if it's possible. That's why I'm working so hard at learning to detach. We've been married 5 years and this keeps getting more escalated. I explode from all the pent-up frustration at this situation and lately it's occurred to me that I take it out on my kids sometimes more when they do the same things that the other kids get away with, because I can't do anything about the others, or it feels like I can't.
I feel better having put it down. Not that it will help long term...but still good.
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edited & deleted cuz I think
edited & deleted cuz I think I just wasted good advice on another crew -sigh-
My advice? Stay away from
My advice?
Stay away from step talk.
}:)
How's it go?
It's filled with abusive, bitchy... Something like that.
}:)
... Okay. Maybe I'll just go
... Okay. Maybe I'll just go find somewhere else... since nobody really seems interested in helping me. Thanks anyway.
I can relate. I received
I can relate. I received advice from my parents when I talked to them about all this-to the tune of- well, life isn't fair and they'll have to learn that eventually. This way they can understand your motivation, but still be in touch with reality.
But yes, suck is definitely the word for it.
I'm already "mean". But Bmom is totally oblivious to reality, sanity, and any kind of sense.
I just hope this gets resolved. I already have an appointment with a psychiatrist for us. See if we can work through some of this before it becomes worse.
I stay home with my kids. I
I stay home with my kids. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. His kids are 10 and 9. I agreed to keep them in return for staying home with my kids. We made the agreement when my first son was born. I figured his kids were old enough, how bad could it be? Bad. Really really bad.
My husband is at work, that's the only time I watch them. That and if there's an emergency (like someone is going to the ER emergency) BM is birth mom? I don't know where she is, I don't talk to her much. Husband deals with her mostly. Every time I do...it ends badly for everyone.
Anyway, I have said several times that they don't want to be with me, they make everything harder when they are here, their mom wants them to be with her and isn't that better anyway? He won't even hear me. He says if they go to her he'll lose custody. If they go to daycare I'll have to go back to work and lose the time I have with my kids. Because we can't afford the day care. Money is tight, so that makes sense... what I know of mom... I understand why he doesn't want them there more than needed, but this has sort of gone down to being my problem and nobody else really has to deal with it.
The only phone here is my
The only phone here is my cell, that's in my pocket-we're all good there.
Thanks
Omg i so feel your pain for
Omg i so feel your pain for my situation is very similar i have a two year old and two month old i stay home i hate that i cant just be with my kids on account of someone elses kid. Why should i have to leave my child in the care of strangers cause some other kids mom is unfit. So im stuck dealing with this bratty little b-word of a kid.
Thanks for the ideas Twizzler
Thanks for the ideas Twizzler
Some of that looks like it could be very helpful.
girl has a tablet and boy has a gameboy, but there really isn't much in the way of electronic stuff around. (I'm kind of against it...my kids don't even watch tv very much. I won't say never, but it's pretty restricted.)
He has chores set up for them to do when he's gone to try to compromise with me. He is talking about having them tutored online because they don't seem to care much for school. I don't know if he'll do that or not.
But they don't really do the chores, they lie and say they did. But if I tell them to do it again because they didn't do it in the first place, they just stand around or ignore me. If I confront them about it they tell me that I don't like them anyway so why can't they just go home. I told them the truth. I asked their dad, he said no.
If he comes home and I tell him when they do these things, he gets mad at me. Then he's super polite to them and thanks them for every single thing they do from the minute he gets home. Each plate they wash, cleaning up their place after a meal...I mean everything. :/ Then he "good job"s them for everything too.
I'm highly amused. I can
Thanks for the advice Lots
Thanks for the advice
Lots of good information here. They come back on Monday. Think we're not only going to have a different ball game, but I'm not even sure we're going to play the same sport. 