So I was at a point today where I had no other options, or at least I felt that way.So happy I came across steptalk. Here's my story.

 I have been with my Fiance for about 5 years now, he had a child prior to our relationship and she was about 4 going on 5 when we first started dating. In the beginning things were ok, he had his daughter a lot and there seemed to be no real signs of mom being active in her life. His mother helped him with his daughter since they all lived together. Didnt bother me his daughter never came off clingy she mostly hung around the house with family when I would be over to visit(that changed fast). A year and some change into our relationship I clearly saw that her mom had more important things to do versus rasing a child, me (now pregnant) stepped up and provided support and guidance the best way I knew how to my new little family. Tried to do things the best way I knew how at 21.

Me and Fiance  started to establish things for ourself moving into our first apartment shortly after our son was born. Thats when It all started to go down hill. His daughters mother came full force, It was always something! She would keep her away for months at a times which hurt my fiance since he was use to always having her and willing to be the best father he could be to her. She would later pop up after months no calls, just bring her and say hey she missed her dad. By this time we both work and its not as simple as it was when he lived with his mother, her just dropping her off caused chaos in our scheduled giving the fact that my son was in daycare most of the time we worked, however fiance being the good man that he is he worked it out, the kids would just go to his moms most days but I did feel that it was something that her mother needed to understand.... especially since she would most time skip over us and just take his daughter to his moms, next thing you know the mom is calling saying hey I have SD she wants to come over with no warning no planning at all. That was the first problem, once FIANCE  stepped up to say hey we have to talk this out and have childcare set in place before we just throw her off on ppl. He explained to his mother that not only was I in school but I worked as well and we would both appreciate a heads up before she offered to let SD come over. This would help him plan and parent better becuase of course he didnt just want to dump her off on his mom and come home everynight to his son and me.

That was only the first problem, as we started to establish our home and rules started to be set into place I noticed a change in SD behavior were she was normally sweet and respectful she changed she would throw big time Tantrums and fiance  would always be at work or out of the home during this time leaving me to try to calm her down. I started to become really firm with her. Then came the big question. Lets just say about another year later she was asked if I was mean to here? Apparently she answered yes which caused her mom to reach out to Fiance  to let me know that I'd better not be. When SD was asked why she said it was because I ASKED her to go into her room and play  while adults were having a very adult conversation. Instead of explaining to SD that sometimes this happen she didnt make you go lay down or punish you. After that SD would scream at the top of her lungs I was being mean to her everytime I asked her to do anything. It got so bad that I had to tell Fiance  that I would no longer look after her alone. We all sat down and had a talk with her after that and moved forwards.

Things never got any better with her mom the next year she kept her away or 6 months and then came banging on the front door at 6am ... again no call. I at that point asked fiance to find desinated meeting spot becuase she wouldn't even talk to me like an adult to say I tried calling which she didn't. I was put in a position because although she was rude about it I would have been wrong to turn his daughter away since he hadnt seen her in 6 months. OH he was at work like always when this happen dispite my request she still popped up at our home for random things at random times things like SD left her pants or a pair of shoes that she wanted to have at home etc.  This goes on for a few more years, it got so bad Fiance  decided to get a lawyer which back fired because now she receives a ridiculous amount in cs... Although she does not buy clothes, shoes or any up keep items( we still have to buy those things). Fiance now has Lawyer fees and almost our rent in CS and we are enaged and expected baby number 2. It's been stressful he has done all he can to make ends meet but it makes him grouchy at times.

SD is now 10 and the attitude has not gotten better I have removed myself from the situation the best I can because after all the money spent on a lawyer mom still does not show up for visits. Some times she will just come up with something crazy to say or do so that Fiance  can get upset and it affects my family even my 3 year old wants to know why we waited on sissy for an hour and she nevere showed. Fiances mom and all of her daughters mom family has painted me out for being the reason he is aways from his daughter.  At this point and I know he is hearing it so much he believes it. It sucks we constantly talk about it some times he is unerstanding other times he's like well I noticed this or that you said that once and it bothered me. Now since I have come to the point of saying I will only be here for support and no longer bend over backwards to buy and worry about up keep of SD every need ( considering the fact that her mother makes that extremly hard) I said I would allow them to parent It has been too many mix ups on my intentions. I will allow them to do what it is that they need for their daughter of course I would never neglect her but I will allow them to be full time parents and only support him.

I still help even tho just a month ago after asking SD and her company to relax and not jump off the walls in the room she decided to scream im not even her real mom im just her step mom. I have reached my limits and if me and fiance  are no longer on the same page which I feel like we were but lately its been more aguing than anything about money and his fustrations and my fustration. I no longer no what to do I am I doing too much in this situation? Or is this just normal life of a SM what can I do different for my sanity im so annoyed with a 10 year old child.