Just recently joining the blog, it is a breath of fresh air to know that this exists. It has been (nice?) to know that there are others out there going through the same thing, being the Evil Step Mother. I wish that "fairy tale" never existed. I mean, we are already EXPECTED to be the BAD one. I know. I had one. Which leads me to my first list (I like lists). When dealing with my future situation I try to think about how I was to my step mother, how she reacted, etc. I hope this helps. I offer these not to complain/brag, but just as general statments or reflections of my situations. I understand that everyone's situation is different.

Some things I did when I was a step daughter:

-I intentionally told either Bio parent things that the other would let me do, so that I could do it there...(for example, smoking at age 15). It worked. Now I am late twenties, have an addiction and cannot quit.

-I refered to my Step Mother as "Step Bitch" to friends. My SM found notes stating this when "snooping" through my room. To this day, I wish I haddnt done that. That must have made her feel really crappy.

-I felt jealousy over their bio child (my step-sister). I felt that their child was treated better and was given more attention. I now look back and know ALL of that had to do with me HATING the fact that my dad had a "new" family that didnt include me. It's easy to project your anger onto your step mother or siblings, it's harder to address that with your Bio parent.

-I felt like my SM constantly nagged me to do this and that and dont do this and that....Even now, as an adult and step mother, I still think she is a nag.

Things I do now as a step mother:

-I never mention her bio mother in a negative way. AND even though I have problems with her bio mom, when she mentions anything negative about her BM, I remind her that her BM is her only BM and that she cannot talk about her that way in our house.

-I try to make sure that she knows that she is in our life, even though she is not always there. Her pictures are on the walls, she has specific things that are hers and she has a place for them.

-I try, really try, to not be the disciplinary parent. I try, really try, to not nag or bark orders. I try to leave all of the dicipline up to her BFather.

Things my Step daughter is doing:

-rolling her eyes, looking at me as if I am a horrible person when I ask her to do something.(disrespect). We try to teach her to respect each other. I really dont think she gets/gives repect at her Biomom's.

-Needing constant attention from Daddy (bio), almost as a way to make ME jealous. I understand this COMPLETELY>>>> but it is still hard to see. Its not that I DONT want her to get the attention, god knows she needs it, it's just hard to see her try to "compete" for affection or try to make me jealous...

-Gets defensive, argues. I know this is the age, but its hard to teach her to not do this.

-She calls her Biomom a lot. I understand this too. BUT her BioMom gave her a CELLPHONE (did I mention she's 11yrold) this time. I just wonder if she is calling her everytime she is angry about something that her father or I have done as reasonable disclipine. I just wonder if she is playing us (like I did to my families). I dont think she is, but it would be easy to do AND her BM is that way.

I appreciate any thoughts or words of encouragement. We all need it right?? Thanks. I hope this has helped you as your blogs have helped me.

Happily.