While SD isnt' the sharpest tool in the shed..she can be observant of people's behavior. (Personally I think this is in response to having to manage Beaver so she has had to learn to read people).  

The other day we (me, DH, SD and her friend) were on the way somewhere I was dealing with a load of horrible drivers.  I was muttering about being on the highway and only driving 50 miles per hour...the speed limit was 70.  I was irritated as I drive like a bat out of hell on a good day.  (My defense..I learned to drive in the Windy City....we all drive about 90 and tailgate the whole way).

DH decided it would be a good time to make fun of me and include SD in the shennanigans.  At first I laughed just to keep the peace but DH kept hamming the comment home....then said..oh eff this...I told DH to stop and that it hurt my feelings. It wasn't funny and I didn't appreciate it. 

DH got all butt hurt and did his usual..

"I'm sorry..I didn't mean anything"...mmmkay DH stil hurt my feelings and I told him to just leave me alone for a bit.

DH cannot leave you alone..he figured he said sorry it's over.  SMH...it does work that way.  

So..since I didn't immediately become joyfull again....I was treated to DH's usual mo..

"I said I was sorry can you drop if"

"Oh look now our day is ruined..I said I was sorry"

"I'm the worst..I know"

UGH......I had enough and told him to just stop and leave me alone.  DH is a grade A boundry stomper..let me tell ya.

So we got home and I went about my day doing other stuff and leaving DH alone.  DH had to SD to to work and on the way SD apparently told him...

Dad...halo told you she was upset.  Yes, you apologized but that doesn't mean she just automatically forgets and moves on . Stop telling her to drop it or make yourself the victim.  You invaildate her when you do that.  Halo will get over things way faster if just stop doing that crappy behavior.  You hurt her feelings...so just stop pestering her.

DH then came home and asked me about that.  I confirmed that yes...he invalidates me and then tries to manipulate me.  I don't apprecaite it and I hurts our ability to communicate and be close.  I told DH..you really need to figure out why you take my getting upset over something is always an ATTACK on you.  It wasn't an attack..I just told you your comments hurt my feelings and I don't appreciate everything being percieved as an attack.  I also didn't appreciate the maniuplation he tries..and then pointed out..that is the shiznit your MOTHER does to you and you hate it.

Dh had to sit with that awhile and came back and said..

"You and SD are right..I do those things.  I'm sorry..I'm working on it...I don't know why I do those things."

We then had a conversation about why it hurt my feelings and how he can better respond.    I did tell DH..look this is better as before we never would have been able to have even a conversation. You would have already stonewalled me by saying..."I'm the worst...and whatever you say Halo" and/or my favorite line "Your just trying to fight with me."  So we are making progress...

So...I was impressed by the fact that SD noticed and by the fact that DH didn't just dismiss what SD said.