One day at a time....
So... things have been getting a bit better here at home with SD. She still expects things to get done, but since I found a place to vent I don't feel as resentful towards her as before. Yesterday was funny, DH has been working late and it has been me and the kids... alone! :jawdrop: I worked until late yesterday and so on the way home I picked up dinner, I don't really like to eat out :sick: , I much prefer to cook, call me crazy... so when the kids, SD10 & BS4, and I are eating dinner she starts with her: "well, I think that you should cook Mexican! I mean, you are Mexican... right? Mom!... I know she is 10 and she did not mean it as it came across, but I was still a but aggravated by the comment, but I let it go. She continued by telling me that I should cook lasagna and gosh know what else, I stopped listening after a while... lol. While the three of us sit there, BS takes him time to eat with the hopes that I tell him, "ok, you don't want to eat this, then don't eat, let's make you something else. Ok, for those of you who read my first post, this is where the me telling my BS he will get ice cream and then doesn't get it because he forgets by the time he finishes eating... BECAUSE HE TAKES FOREVER TO EAT!!! Now that that is out of my system we can go on. I kept telling BS to eat, and reminding him, and reminding him... ok you guys get the point.
During one of those reminders SD says, "uummm, I would really like for you to allow us to have a peaceful dinner!!" AAHHHAAA 
:? say what? So, instead of getting upset or skipping a beat, I told her "I would really like to have a nice dinner without a 10 year old telling me what to do!" 
It was funny, I was glad she didn't take it to heart. She did say she was sorry and she was only giving me advice. She also told me that she would tell her BM all the time what she needed to do. I proceeded to inform her that she didn't have to worry about it here. I appreciate her wanting to help, but she needs to worry about SD not me. I think she understood what I was telling her. As I have mentioned in other posts, SD is very used to parenting her sisters and telling her mother how to do things. I feel for her, and as I read everyone else posts it helps me in keeping my cool and not be as resentful towards her as I had been. I still don't feel like we have bonded, I still tell her that I love her too after she says is, even though I don't, but at the very least I don't hate her, or feel that I do. AND for the people that will say, why and I lying to her, what am I supposed to tell her after she says that she loves me? Am I supposed to say, "thank you, but I don't love you?" or "oohh that's nice!" Seriously!
- gtrmom's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
My whole family has called me
My whole family has called me "Little Mother" since I was young. It's an annoying habit that I have, to attempt to nurture and guide everyone, even my parents at a young age. I spent years in foster care with my younger siblings because my birth mother was an abusive drug addict, until my adoptive parents took in all 4 of us. We had been through so much, and because of that I was used to looking out for my brothers and having a more parental role. If SD has been through a lot in her life, I can see why she acts like that. I will also say, that my mother, the one that took me in when I was 7, is the only person I consider to ever be my mother. I bet your SD looks up to you like that too, or she will someday. That being said, I know it's annoying as shit to be told what to do by a child and I think you handled it well. Hopefully she will learn to let you be the parent, and you will be able to remain light hearted about it whenever it does happen.
I think it's nice that you reciprocate her "I love you's". It would probably be pretty hurtful for a child to say that and not ever get a reply. Over a year ago, BM told SD to stop telling her dad that she loved him because he really didn't love her. The pain on my husbands face every time that he tells her he loves her, and she just says "Okay, Bye." or nothing at all is really hard to watch. I don't think a child could handle that type of rejection, especially since she has been through so much already with her BM. You can't help how you feel inside though, but at least you care enough to try to not hurt her feelings. I hope that one day you will be able to connect with her more and possibly love her too.